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...and the strain is showing much worse on me than it is on her. I know, I'm basically the Invisible Man on the boards, but this has to come out. (I also acknowledge that this could be the wrong area to post this on, but at the time I'm typing this I'm just out of a nervous breakdown and am feeling desperate).
She's getting married Saturday night, in the evening. As weddings go, it's low key by today's standards: She's having it in a church, and during the reception afterward she's keeping it what some of you might consider to be shockingly casual (just thought I'd warn you): there's going to be popcorn, and she's going to have a couple of games lying around.
I was at another wedding last year -- for my brother -- and his was extremely fancy compared to this. The nerves that haunted me during his wedding have been haunting me again for the last two weeks, and they seem to get worse every day. I have a couple of friends here who have basically stood on their heads for me, including one who has tried to have me visualize something happening afterwards. I really thought that would be the answer, but last night it backfired -- a nightmare in which I made some off-color comment, who knows what it was -- at a less than appropriate time left that idea a mess and my heart running a thousand miles an hour (figuratively).
I don't have to be part of the rehearsal, all I have to do for the wedding is show up, and yet...it just feels like it's too much. Too many people I don't know (groom's side), too important an occasion...it's just more than my heart can take. Worse, it's been getting in the way of my work -- including a course I have in progress -- all week long.
It just feels like I need this week to go away before I'll be able to focus or feel any better. Thoughts?
She's getting married Saturday night, in the evening. As weddings go, it's low key by today's standards: She's having it in a church, and during the reception afterward she's keeping it what some of you might consider to be shockingly casual (just thought I'd warn you): there's going to be popcorn, and she's going to have a couple of games lying around.
I was at another wedding last year -- for my brother -- and his was extremely fancy compared to this. The nerves that haunted me during his wedding have been haunting me again for the last two weeks, and they seem to get worse every day. I have a couple of friends here who have basically stood on their heads for me, including one who has tried to have me visualize something happening afterwards. I really thought that would be the answer, but last night it backfired -- a nightmare in which I made some off-color comment, who knows what it was -- at a less than appropriate time left that idea a mess and my heart running a thousand miles an hour (figuratively).
I don't have to be part of the rehearsal, all I have to do for the wedding is show up, and yet...it just feels like it's too much. Too many people I don't know (groom's side), too important an occasion...it's just more than my heart can take. Worse, it's been getting in the way of my work -- including a course I have in progress -- all week long.
It just feels like I need this week to go away before I'll be able to focus or feel any better. Thoughts?
Have a few beers if you can, and if it doesnt mess with any medications. That has saved me on more than one occasion.
Also, if you are like me, I build it up to be overwhelming in my mind, and horrible and scary. Then I go to do said thing...and BAM...its not so horrible as I thought.
You have to do this, its a big deal to her, so do what you can to "survive" the wedding. Dont forget to breath as well.
Good luck and everything will be fine.
Here's something to remember... Just about everybody at this wedding will be feeling the same way as you will to some degree or another. Weddings bring a lot of strangers together, and almost everyone is a bit unsure what is expected of them. I remember one wedding I went to and all that I did was try to figure out how everyone was related to each other. In hindsight I know that that was pretty silly, but it wasn't at the time.
I think you'll be OK if you just try to focus on what is going on; a very happy day in your sister's life.
Good luck.
@ PepperMan: It's a good query and worth answering, but the honest answer is I have no idea. I thought that would have been enough on its own for my brother's wedding a year ago, but I was stiff as a brick within an hour.
You mentioned that you don't know anyone there, but you have family. You may be able to talk to them a portion of the time when conversing with others.
I agree. As it has been said, it's possible that it has something to do with change, and in both cases, your siblings, the people you have grown up with are getting married. Getting married is a big change and it is highly symbolic. You may be uncertain about change and/or the future in some way. This would cause anxiety. Also, you may just be uncomfortable in social situations and/or focused on work.
Sorry, I tend to think very analytically and am interested in psychology...
I just hope this works out for you. Hugs
My brother had a very casual wedding, the atmosphere was very relaxed and casual. You may find that this is what will happen after the church service. Try to relax, deep breaths, step outside for a few moments once in a while if you have to.
((((((((((((((( HUG )))))))))))))))