Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I first showed signs of severe depression when i was 16. My father was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I used to drink underage and developed a problem. I tried to commit suicideI3 times and I self harmed. My boyfriend pulled me out of my drinking problem and helped me open up which helped me stop self harming. Long story short he lived for 7 years with this condition until it took him from me last year in june. 2 years before he died my mom left suddenly one night without saying goodbye. She had ran off with another man and left me to care for my terminally ill dad on my own. I was 22. I had severe depression as did my dad and I had just developed anxiety to. My workplace were no help. I was bullied by my manager and was getting into all sorts of trouble. I was trapped. The only person I could speak to was my boyfriend as i had friends but they weren't supportive. As he was the only person I spoke to him, i pushed him away and was always arguing with him. I shouldn't have but I didn't know I was doing it. I saw my dad deteriorate infront of my eyes and there was nothing I could do. When i was at work he's fainted, had panic attacks, threw up, and had a cardiac arrests. He was in and out of hospital every week. He was in hospital for a week where i went up everyday, but he deteriorated and couldn't keep any food or water down. He went in on the Sunday and stopped breathing and died on friday with me at his bedside in hospital. I also then lost my house two days later. Back to now, i am consumed by greif and feel horrible and numb. I'm hurting so much inside but i am forced to pretend to be happy. I have recently moved house and I have managed to get a new job within a week. This would make anybody happy and would make themselves feel proud. But i don't. I just feel nothing but pain and exhaustion. What the hell is wrong with me :'(. I have moved house twice in a year and a half. My mom is in my life now but i can never be as close as I once was with her.
But here comes the fallout. It always works this way. You go on adrenaline to survive the crisis, and then comes the fallout.
Keep on showing up to work no matter what, and keep on grinning and everything at work.
But in the background? Get a counsellor, get medication if you need it, but definitely the counsellor. You need someone outside your life you can rely on. You need to handle how you treat the boyfriend - so he's outside your safety zone right now. Mother doesn't belong in your safety zone because she can't be relied on not to jettison you when things get tough. and she already has done.
So you need someone who can be inside your safety zone (ie be told the truth and who won't reject you based on how you are feeling or what you are saying) who can help offload your grief and pain.
You're in grief. This is grief. it's bloody awful and people in the olden days were allowed to not work for a while, stay home for a while, and when they went back out into the world they wore black arm bands. This caused people around them to treat them carefully. Which is what you need when you are grieving.
You're a brave young woman. You need to take credit for enormous courage. You understand? Now go ahead and let yourself grieve.
I know it's really tough for you to look at your mum like you used to have but she is really your next of kin now and a person whom you have blood relation with. It's not going to be easy for the both of you to re-build that trust that was destroyed especially for you but it's worth trying. Are you open to seeing a counsellor? It might help you to cope with what you are going through now and may help to mend the broken relationship betweenyou and your mum. Would you consider? Praying for you and your mum.