I am in the same position, though my husband hasn't taken such a hard stance as that. Can you go in and see someone? Do you need help finding resources in your area? I sense from your post that you want to get better. Run with that! Gigantic hugs to you. In my experience, letting down those we care about is the absolutely nightmarish worst part of dealing with all of this.

Yes it is, and I do want to get better, and I think he's frustrated because it won't happen here at home with him. I'm not sure being with him is going to get me better. He's not the only reason I'm this way, but he's a huge part of it.

His hard stance is his controlling personality and frustration. He has always issued ultimatums and threats to me...endlessly.

I've thought about it. Although I have my youngest special needs daughter to think of. It kills me to think of him cutting me off from my kids. Then in some ways I think they'd be better off.

I was such a different person and a better mom when my parents were alive. Even with all their difficulties in the past, they were married 51 years and once my Dad retired and quit drinking, they had a good 16 years together, during which time my kids were born, and they were a huge part of our lives.

Now all my husband does is disparage their memory in front of our children and myself. My family is mentally ill, etc.

It's always hurt me so much because even with their anxiety and depression and my Dad drinking they weren't unkind, hurtful people.

I am so sorry that he is treating you like this.

As a son, a brother, a husband and a father I am angry about how he is acting.

He has an uncanny knack for telling it like it is, and then some.

He is also very damaging with his words. I should have realized long ago the damage he was building on top of what was already damaged in me.

Thank you for your genuine concern.

I'm going to try to get up out of bed after my second Netflix movie, and get a shower now.

First of all crime against god my @$@$!$^%#@. This is about you and whatever has been triggering your depression. If he genuinely cared about your well being he would actively help you find something or someone to help you get better even if he's not the solution. It sounds like he's a bit controlling, hurtful and wants to be the hero. And since he obviously is part of the problem its hurting his ego. Battling depression can take many people or activities to help cope with it before you can start to fully heal. Everyone who has depression has tried and failed countless times and there is nothing wrong with that. Patience from loved ones and perseverance on your part will do wonders. Nothing against your husband but he needs to take a step back, take a deep breath and be in your shoes for a moment.

I recently began sinking back into my depression, I hate to say I've been on both sides of this one. My wife is so very down, and I have a bit of a hero complex at times. Maybe I'm worse for it because i do have an understanding of depression, and I have done similar things to her still. I'm sorry for that, for you and my wife. At the end of the day, I let my happiness revolve around hers, I can waste away hopelessly trying to save her and become extremely depressed myself and feel like I'm inadequate because she's so depressed. From being able to enjoy our common interests together to our sex life to just being able to talk and be in love, I need that, and she can't give it to me at times and there have been times when I couldn't give her those things. We stick it out, I try harder and harder until I feel like a failure, like I'm the reason she is this way, and I start feeling depressed myself, then my kids really suffer. It's not always easy to be strong, and it's even harder to accept that the love of your life is miserable despite us trying so hard. It's easy to start feeling hopeless after a while, to feel like you can't do it anymore. But the simple fact is, she needs help from someone besides me, someone unbiased and who has no motive, and nothing to gain from her happiness. She knows she's hurting me and I know she's hurting, and it's hard on us both. All I can do is encourage her to see her therapist, and spend time with her friends at least once every couple weeks. Try to help her plan those things and tell her it's gonna be ok. It's hard, I really hope you can find the resources you need to help you with your depression. For you and your family. You are so important to them, I can only imagine. I'm dealing with my depression and my wife's right now, hers tends to trigger mine, not always, but usually, because I let my happiness hinge on hers and it turns into a real downward spiral if we don't get brave and go see someone about it. Single sessions and couples sessions when it gets really rough. There are lots of amazing people out there who can and will help you, I hope you find one of them. Good luck.

He sounds like my dad. That's not a compliment. Hard as it is in your current state, stand up to him. Back off, you aren't helping, you're hurting me more. Keep your trap shut while I get help.

It's the only thing men like that get. You stand up to a cowardly bully and they back down. Btw he may try to keep the fight going. Walk out on your last word, not his. I've done this in my most depressed states. It can be done.

Get childcare for your kids while you enter a partial day program. It's your best bet other than hospitalization. Maybe the hospital itself has a daycare for kids with parents that are patients. Or your husband can step up and take FMLA from his job to take care of the kids while you take care of you.

I grew up with a depressed mother. It did me no favors. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for them. They need their mom back healthy and you deserve health. Once you have health, you have options when it comes to your marriage.

All excellent advice. Thank you for sharing your stories with me.

I am laying here awake in bed this morning a broken woman who has made so many mistakes in her life. I won't get up and go to breakfast with my husband. He is furious. He just verbally attacked me again. Now he's throwing my mistakes in my face and threatening me again. I swear he'd be relievef if I killed myself. He doesn't say that but I think he would and I shudder to think of what he'd say about me when I'm gone. I was f@$#d up, mentally ill, unstable, my parents and grandparents were, it was genetic in her family. Never taking any responsibility for how he has talked to and treated me for 24 years.

He says to me he's made mistakes, but my mental illness is the biggest reason I'm laying in this bed, not his treatment of me.

He may be right. I don't really care anymore. All I know is I'm not any better.

He sees a therapist on his own now after a few visits together and I see one as well.

I am looking at the window. It's a gorgeous Sunday on the 15th anniversary of 9/11. I remember that horrific day as if it were yesterday.

An example of how sick and messed up the world we live in truly is. I can't go on much longer, this I know.

I do not have the strength or fortitude. I am weak.