My family is awful. My life is awful.  I think about killing myself every day. it just gets worse.  i don't even know what the point of writing here is.  i write the same thing over and over again.  nothing helps. drugs, therapy, staying busy, work, .. my mental state is alwasy bad. i am always alone.  as i get older i realize taht no one in my family ever cared about me, including my mother who i thought did.  she's as selfish and uncaring as the rest of them.  never stood up for me. still doesn't.  and then i go out in the world and find NO ONE.  NO ONE to connect with, no one who voluntarily wants to spend any time with me.  i don't even get along with therapists.  what's the efin point?  really.  i try. i try really hard.  i do the things i'm supposed to do and nothing works.  seems like the meanest people sometimes do the best. my sister is a sociopath and no one even cares.  i'm the only one it bothers.  that is completely crazy to me.  i have to go to the effin store and use a high interest credit card to buy groceries cuz, yea, I'm out of money again.  god, this is the only place i have to go to talk to people who are nice.  after all these years.  either i must really really suck, or the world must really really suck.  also, i am sorry i post here so much.  i'm sure i'm a pest to some.  i don't have anywhere else to go. hope your day is going better than mine.