You can’t control her. You can only control you. Listen. Ask yourself if her words have any merit. I’d seek a counselors advice. Read some books about relationships. Boundaries was pretty eye opening for me. You can’t make her change and you can’t force her to allow you to be in their lives. Unless you can change you into the person she wishes you were, or compromise and help her realize relationships are a two way street, you’re pretty out of luck. This is coming from someone who knows nothing about you. Not trying to offend you. But typically in relationships where problems exist, each party has played a role. I’d say, be open to learning what baggage you bring to the table.

I grew up in a time when respect for our parents was a given. Honor thy father and mother. No matter what! I don’t think my daughter has any reason other than judge mental, meanness, Power and selfishness to ban her parents from her children. We are broken-hearted and I feel that grandparents should have more rights. You can’t just break up a family and walk away with no consequences.

I'm so sorry you're going through this; I too am going through it,(well I was) with my 22 year old son. Some folks have said it's not right for me to have cut him out of my life but I'll be damned if I was going to keep putting up with the disrespect and the "mom you didn't do this/that/other" over and over again at each conversation(plus I have a 4 year old son).I was mom and dad his entire life and lo and behold he's turned out like his "dad", a selfish prick!

Please don't beat yourself up and think what could you have done better. We do the best we can with the cards we're dealt . It's NOT your fault how she turned out. Hopefully one day she'll see what she's doing is wrong but until then your life has to keep moving. Keep taking care of hubby and you.

Big hugs!

Thank you so much for your post. It is horrible the way our children disrespect us when we have given them so much. I’m sorry it happened to you also. We can only take so much is right! But I’m sad and scared for my grandchildren. Grandparents are people and should have rights too!

Ask your daughter if she would be willing to meet with you to talk----just to talk. If she agrees then let her talk first. Tell her you really want to know what's going on and why she felt she had to break off from the family. Be willing to listen and try to understand where she is coming from. When she's done tell her how you feel and how much you want to work things out with her, that you miss her and her children and how much it would mean to you if she gave you another chance. I am guessing this is not how things were done when you were growing up but sometimes it takes this kind of open communication between people to work things out. And I am a mom too so I do sympathize with you and hope and pray that this works out for you.

I think the advice above makes most sense. Offer to meet. Bite your tongue and listen. People cut people out when they are in distress. Things are obviously not going well for her. She is probably challenged by parenthood. Successful people don't complain about others. Im not saying your daughter is not a success but there must be something wrong in her life to do this.
If she allows access then just play it her way. Remember her words or criticisms are just words. Nobody has the truth. You did your best. She cant harm you with words unless you give her permission
There is no rule that says our kids must be thankful and grateful. Its not written anywhere and if you keep expecting her to change you will proably be disappointed.

I have tried that asking her to talk but all she wants to do is blame me for everything that is wrong with her life. I have even apologized when I don’t think I’m wrong. There is no winning and I don’t care about winning any argument with her. I just want to see my grandkids. She claims to be busy every second of every day She won’t take any responsibility for anything. My husband and I will never be good enough for her. I have tickets to take my granddaughter to see Harry Potter and I don’t even know if my daughter will let me take her. It was a birthday present for my granddaughter. So painful!!!

I too tried to bite my tongue (TOO many times) until it bled too much and he called me everything but a child of God and told me to suck his anatomy, so nope that was definitely it for me! Unfortunately as much as we want our kids to be the sweet little things of yesteryear when they were first born they can turn into thorns in our sides and it's up to us if we continue letting them poke/scratch us to we bleed or pat ourselves on the back knowing we did the best we could.

I found this article for you that's about grandparents rights in all 50 states. Hopefully hubby and you won't have to go this route.

https://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/grandparents-rights/grandparent-rights-united-states

To gregsbaby....thank you so much for the referral article. Your support over the last few days has helped me a lot. I felt like this was only happening to me and it’s reassuring to know it’s not just me. I’m so sorry you have had this experience with your son too! This entitled generation is beyond me. They don’t care that words hurt and they don’t appreciate anything. Hugs to you too! I hope your son realizes you are and were a great mom! Thnks

There is a support group here at DS for parents of estranged adult chldren that you can access though a google search. It is the first one on the list. Good luck and my heart goes out to you.

Could it be that you are focusing on the wrong thing and that that focus actually increases the likelihood of distancing your daughter? By focusing on your rights as grandparents you might be setting yourself up against your daughter, but I think the best scenario for the future would be for you to be for your daughter.

My sister ran away from home because of some real problems, but later when she was pregnant, my parents were for her and loved her and loved her on my sister's terms. Other's were thinking about what the pregnancy meant in their own lives, while my parents were the ones who focused on her needs and worked towards meeting them. It took time, but that love won over my sister, the relationship healed, and they are true family again. It was beautiful to see.

As an "adoptee" I can maybe she'd some light
It is a truth, that people who have not been adopted will never understand the mind and emotional life of the adopted.
It's best if you take the responsibility for researching primarily through literature dealing with
* Primary Attachment Disorder"
Better still, get therapy for the two of you. It can be worked out, but don't try to make it a contest. Most adopted will see through any kind of head game.
Best of luck, we adopted usually need plenty of space.
But we're lovable.

To socalpoppy- First of all I adopted my daughter at birth. I was in the delivery room when she was born. Both times when she got pregnant and was unmarried we supported her, I was in the delivery room when her kids were born. We were loving and supportive and more. So no.......this behavior of hers started after her kids were born. When she was little we gave her the opportunity to have a relationship with her birth grandparents and told her when she got older she could contact her birth mother if she wanted that. We have always been kind and loving to her.

Hi Sad to the Bone- so basically she is 30 and maybe she will come around - and it may just be that she is
going through her own mental stuff right now- just because you cannot see the kids right now does not
mean you will never ever ever see them again.You know everything in life we have a tendency to make
it about our-selves(not being harsh). She just may need her little space right now---- and you can
very well be taking it where it does not need to go- just relax for a moment. I personally would like to know
what she means or what you mean when you stated that she sees you guys as negative parents-can you
elaborate on this-because people just do not wake up and haul off with these statements-yes some young-folk can be disrespectful- but what is her side when she described you as negative?

I'm going to address this from a different angle.


You said that your daughter says that she's busy pretty much every second of the day...

Could she be right? It's tough parenting today...really tough. And she's doing it alone.

Perhaps rather than trying to get more time with your grandchildren...perhaps help your daughter out and allow her some free time to spend with her own children? Or help her so that you can spend time with HER? (She might even feel a bit rejected. Like your more interested in her children than you are in her?)

Maybe babysit the other child? And let your daughter take her own daughter to see Harry Potter?

Just a thought...