I am not sure how much help I can br; my BF is the same way. I am in a position where I can ignore him pretty much, and so I do. I have tried and tried to explain it to him, as well, but he thinks much the same way your BF does; you just ignore and keep pushing. It DOES cause quite a strain on our relationship, but, like I said, I just learned how to ignore what he thinks and does for the most part, and make other friends who DO understand and support me here.

I think it is a a personal decision that you are going to have to make on your own...I mean, how much of a role does his support play in your life? Are you willing to be in a relationship where someone doesn't support you in this particular way? Everyone is different, but it sounds like you are struggling...good luck!

If your boyfriend can't support you long enough to listen to you when you try to explain how you feel, and then calls you names to degrade you, is this helping your depression? Of course not! Sweetie, it's support you need, not criticsm. It's just my opinion, but I'd rather be on my own than with someone who can't see beyond themselves.

Hey - I understand. My husband just went on as usual and didn't read the literature I brought home, He would listen when I tried with all my heart to explain how depression affects me and how hard it is for me when I am in a downward spiral. He just went about his way as if nothing had changed. I think he wanted me to be this permanently happy and joyful person - the superwoman I was. I couldn't be that way anymore - it took just too much out of me and then the depression would be worse. I finally decided to """NOT LOOK FOR WHAT WAS NOT THERE""".
You are not married to this man; you haven't committed to him legally, ethically and it looks like he has not committed to you emotionally. I would say that if he can't take the time to listen to you when you are trying so very hard to get through to him what you need and how difficult things can get for you now - Honey, what kind of husband & father would he be? Try to see ahead a little and imagine if his son or daughter was depressed. Try to envision how he would treat what are supposed to be his most precious possessions - his children!!!

Amen Jana!

Normally I would read your profile and try and get a feel of the situation...but I'm telling u right now that this guy doesn't love u in the way u need to be loved. He is degrading u and making u feel as if u can snap out of it at the drop of a hat. My ex was like this. He never understood...always criticized and humiliated me cuz I was depressed and couldn't function like I was supposed to.

The only thing he is right about is speaking to a professional...that is what helped me then...and made me realize that I didn't need to be treated like a piece of garbage anymore.

BTW, since then, I have found my soulmate. He never criticizes me or makes me feel like a lower human being. There are good guys out there with actual feelings and when ur not looking, u could stumble on one like I did. I wouldn't trade my guy for anything cuz he loves me for who I am...the good and the bad and I know he will never hurt me.

It's difficult for someone who has never experienced depression to understand what you are going through. I'm suffering from it myself, but before then, I even felt it difficult to admit to myself! I thought depression was just an airy fairy thing that wasn't real, and that people should just get over it. Now I eat my own thoughts. Now I understand because it's happening to me. I'm just lucky my husband has been through this himself many years ago, and is able to support me. It's one of those things that until you experience it, you really have no idea what it's about. Perhaps he's not sure how to help. Although that's no excuse for calling you lazy, idiotic and disgusting! These are not the responses I would expect to hear from the person who apparently loves me, depression or no depression.

what a ridiculous situation. no boyfriend should call you disgusting and lazy, especially while you try to explain how you are feeling. my fiance, a very shallow does not understand feelings type guy, always at least put in an effort to listen, and then say "sorry honey, i don't understand because i've never had those feelings. can i make you happy?" he just seems to be not focused on you at all. i really do wish you the best, and hope that it works out so that you are happy. but if he can't at least listen-it's gonna be a real rough go.

I'm sorry to hear what you wrote - sounds like your boyfriend is blaming you for your illness which is totally unfair.

Unfortunately, many people think like this cause mental illnesses still have this stigma.

But IT'S NOT your fault. You need love and support from anyone who cares about you.

i do think he loves me. he just isn't use to expressing his emotions. i think that he feels i haven't got an excuse to be the way i am. his mum died a couple of years ago and he was very down. i supported him through that and i think he's finding it difficult now that he's the stronger one.

my wife and I are both depressive types...so we totally understand why things dont get done...i think your boyfriend needs to read some about this disease....my particular disorder lets me work hard all day and when I come home and the house isn't clean and the bed isn't made I get mad but god help me I try to stop myself and understand that she's like me....it helps if you're both on the same page

It sounds like he may just feel he isn't qualified to help you. That's his short version of telling you that he cares but he can't fix you and to go to someone who can. Remember, men usually just think we want them to fix the problem - so he's thinking along those lines, he's not thinking about showing you that he cares. Men aren't wired that way, and they can't help it, seriously. If he didn't care, I doubt he would encourage you to go see a professional. Ask him if he will go with you to the dr.

Have you considered taking him to see a counselor? There are several books written for people with friends and family who are depressed. The "For Dummies" series has a book for depression, and despite their condescending title, their information is usually pretty good and easy to understand.
Try looking in the library, if you don't want to risk buying a book you don't really want.

I heard Maya Angelo on tv a long time ago. I don't remember her exact words, but she was talking about letting little things a man does that hurt you slide, the harsh word, the little hurts, it didn't hurt that much... don't really matter, it's just a little hurt, quickly forgotten... just like it does not hurt much to pull out one little hair... but if you let all those little hurts slide, someday you'll wake up and realize that he has done plucked you bald. (It has nothing to do with hair, and everything to do with self esteam.) Another thing she talked about was "blow bite blows" - blow on the skin, take a quick bite, and blow again so the pain is minimized. The jest of her words stuck with me, so I will tell you the same thing I told my daughter while raising her: don't let a man pluck you bald... and pay attention, if a man blow bites ya, he aint worth his salt. If he doesn't understand, that's one thing... but calling you names is another. That itself will erode your self esteem over time. I'm not saying leave him... just saying don't put up with it.