That is sad. There is a Bereavement support group on here that you may want to join and to speak to others who have lost a loved one. The link to the group is here:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bereavement/support-group

I wish you strength during this difficult time.

Thanks I'll check it out...

I am so sorry to read this. That is terrible. I am glad you have the strength to stay strong for her. One of my fears is my Mother passing and my depression taking over. Stay close so we can help you through the really bad times when you feel alone.

I took care of my father with cancer till the end. The first few weeks were strange to me..a missing part in my life..the depression, sadness, grief will pass with time and the happy memories will replace the sadness. My heart pours out to you during this time, be strong for her now, break down later if you must....

Hi
I just lost my dad about a month ago. He did not have cancer but did have a terminal disease. My mother died a year before that. What people often call what you are going through is "anticipatory grief", i.e., you are anticipating how it will feel when mom is no longer with you, when you can't be by her bedside. I think you will feel grief inevitably. However, the fact that you are staying with her vigilantly will be very comforting and healing in the longrun (my feeling). I stayed with my dad the night before he died and had spent a great deal of time with him toward the end---I consider this to be a gift. Same with my mom--she was in ICU 12 days and during that time I held her and told her how much I loved her, advocated for her and spent a lot of time with her. These moments are precious. Grief will come but I think that you are, in fact grieving now. The one thing I will say that happened to me is that I felt numb for awhile, especially when all the friends and family were around. It is during times of high stress, fatigue or just out of the blue that the grief comes. I have memory boxes for both of my parents and this helps. I had preordered a fathers day card for my dad and when I received it I cried (made by a friend--Redsox card). So I wrote in it and put it in the memory box. There are bereavement groups all over the place and I understand that there is one on DS. When the time is right, if it feels OK to you, you can join. Grief is such a personal experience. I wish you strength and think you are doing a wonderful thing by staying by your mom until the end. I, personally, feel that at some level she knows that you are there. Love Mame