Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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resilient99
resilient99
I've been dealing with this thing since I was 15 years old and I am now 32 years old. It gets tiring when it comes back with a vengeance like it's been gone so long that it has to come back full force.
I've been so overwhelmed by a lot of things that I feel myself slipping into that hole. These are some of the reasons I have for going back there:

My husband has changed and I have this gut feeling something is going on behind my back. I don't know if this is ok but he slept with my best friend some years back and that ex-friend was around a couple days ago and he acted weird and didn't want to be around me. Later on he tried to have sex with me.

I have dealt with this for so long that I am getting sick of it. Since I had both of our daughters I have gained some weight and I know that that has a lot to do with him treating me the way he does. I try and try to lose the weight but I do not get any help watching our girls so it's hard to juggle this and that plus a full time job on top of all that.

I love him so much but I guess I am not the one that he really wants. I've thought that for some time and even said it but he swears that he wants me and only me. But then why don't you show me that you actually want to be with me? Why not act like you love and cherish me? Everything changed between us the moment we got married. But I have been considering a separation and a divorce to follow. I'm tired of getting treated like I'm nothing.
soulsearcher83
soulsearcher83
Ultimatum.. you help me with the house and the girls, show me me don't just say it, or leave and ill find someone who will. Stand up for yourself And make sure that girl never comes around again. Slam the door in her face if she does
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
Not sure about phrasing it as an ultimatum, but by all means the other woman should never come in your husband's life again.
soulsearcher83
soulsearcher83
I don't mean say ultimatum, more like it's time to give him one, to clarify
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
It really bothers me when a man considers raising children, HIS CHILDREN, to be a chore that they avoid. I would say to him, man to man, that he needs to man up and be the father his children deserve.

As for housework, that needs to be a dialog. So many couples have different definitions of what things like "clean enough" mean.

And I totally agree with the concept that if a person cheats on their spouse and they agree to work on the marriage, the person that was cheated with needs to be cut out of both relationships. I just don't know the right words to say this without destroying the effort. But getting him to clarify what he means by "he is working on the marriage" is a GREAT start!
resilient99
resilient99
I've tried the help me or else. Don't talk to her or else. I should mention that his mother is best friends with this girl and was so pissed off at me when I beat her up that she still treats me bad to this day and it has been 6 years now. Going to her house to se "his mom" is the excuse I get. When I get mad I'm being stupid and unreasonable. But the one friend I had that he feels threatened by can't come around or talk to me without him being a little sis about it.
I totally think I should just lose the weight again like I did before and leave just like I did before.
I'm probably better off by myself so I could be without him or his mother.
resilient99
resilient99
@ThePepperMan thank you I agree so much. I cut a guy friend out of my life completely because my husband felt threatened by him. But here he is still wanting to be friends and talk with my ex best friend whom he had a relationship with... I thought it was done and over with, no worries but I can see now that is not the case.
bridgie101
bridgie101
Tell me do you have a regular sex life, and if not - who's the one saying no?

I think a lot of relationship stuff comes down to someone saying no all the time. That's the one who controls the relationship. The one who is being said no to eventually gives up and becomes hurt and resentful.

I saw a really good youtube on it the other day.
OLDBIKER
OLDBIKER
Marriage is work. It takes a lot from both to have a happy marriage that works. Some husbands will say "they want to work on the marriage" and will for a short time but, they then revert back to their same old ways after "the storm has passed". The proof is in the pudding. One that really wants the marriage to work will do whatever is needed to achieve that.

You know him better than anyone. If he does not work the work that is needed to strengthen the marriage and your trust in him then, you will have to decide what other options you wish to pursue.
resilient99
resilient99
@BRIDGIE101: Our sex life is probably not as filling as it was when we only had 1 or 2 children... Not to mention my 2 youngest babies feel comfortable sleeping with us. Well m, since I had my baby baby my 3 yr old does not want her dad to sleep by me ever again, as she puts it.
koolman
koolman
"Later on he tried to have sex with me": Is it possible that he merely flirted with the other woman, without anything happening beyond that, to work himself up to come "home" to you?
survivor69
survivor69
SORRY 2 READ ABOUT YOUR PAIN.........................
GBU
DRENA B
;-O
shelda
shelda
So much hurt in your letter and love. have you tried writing letters to each other and giving it to each ...no talking about it for 24 hours...be honest and if you feel angry still don't speak. Honesty or Nothing. You may save yourself a lot of heartache by trying this....((( Hugs )))))
resilient99
resilient99
@shelda: I tried the whole writing letters to him and then leaving for like 3 or more hours so he could think about it and then we could talk but just like everything else it comes back to things changing only for some time and going right back to the way they were.
resilient99
resilient99
You know I am sitting here thinking about this whole situation and for the last six years since this has happened I have stated I didn't want him around her or near her. It's not right. But he continuously goes out of his way to be near her anyway he can. I caught him that weekend and he freaked out. It's like since it's been 6 years I should get over it and be friends with her, that's the way everyone makes it seem. I'm tired of trying to fight this battle. For years I have been emotionally and mentally abused not to mention I have my own fight with my self-image and everything else from being raped at 15 years old.. That I just can't take it anymore. I'll settle for not being enough for him and go live my life waiting to be something to someone one day, maybe.
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