What caused such a sudden uprooting of leaving your kids behind?

I was loosing my mind living a lie. I fell in love with another man. And I know that's no excuse. I just couldnt lie daily to keep things copasetic. He was kinda possesive and controlling. I didn't like that. I work a shit job with minimum wage and new I'd be pretty and much homeless. But after years of being ignored and controlled falling out of love with my ex I finally strong enough to be done. I'm trying to get a place vjg enough for me with them it just take time when I've been pretty much living rent free the last ten years. Then with car messing up. I am currently in country begging rides of people. Got to get up money to fix vehicle. Get place and het to see my kids on rgular basis.

I see, that seems rough, so I guess things didn't work out with your children's father enough to stay together? Even if so mainly for the children?

Sweetie I know exactly where you are at right now, and you're correct - killing yourself is not the answer.

Yes you have some hell to go through now, but you will come out the other side in a year or two, and you will be a much better person and better mother and happier inside as well.

Right now you're all broken apart and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's because it's around a corner. But you have to keep on going - find yourself, find a job, find a flat, find enough money to fix the car - and then get yourself emotionally stable and back to who you need to be.

then you can come back and put it all together again.

Dad won't hurt the kids, and missing the odd halloween will be good for them. It will be good for Dad, too. Get back nearby when you can, pull your life back together, and things will come out alright.

My story is different then yours and I will try to keep it short but I feel your pain your grief and your regrets. When my son was 20years old and my daughter was 17 years old. when I had a major blow out with my son and we stopped speaking to one another. A few days later my daughter stopped taking my calls. I thought I could handle it but I couldn't I was so grief stricken and distraught over how my relationship ended with my kids and I totally believed that I would never see them again. That I just lost it and a few weeks later I attempted suicide. I had no contact with them for the next two years. We were totally estranged form one another and during that time I was so unstable and depressed that I was hospitalized 5 different times. Then one day my son showed up at my door looking to reconnect with me his dad my daughter followed shortly after. they are now 26 and 24 years old and I have two grandchildren now one from each of them. And we are as close as we were all the years before. So things worked out for me despite that my mental state was telling me otherwise. I realized that your kids have a major impact on your life no matter where they are in the world and no matter where you are or what place you have in their lives in the present time. I pray that you will find the inner strength and the way to get better and make your living situation a better and stable environment so you can fully embrace your young children again. And you will I have faith in you. take care of yourself, johnnyboy

HUGS 2 U..................................
GBU
DB
;-O

I hear your cries. I understand and have been in the similar place concerning my kids. It's still too painful to talk about. One thing that I held onto during my failed suicide episodes was believing that they will always need their mother! You may not believe it now, but things will get better. Hang on you are still needed!

Killing yourself takes you out of the FUTURE ... when your kids may very well be back in your life. Killing yourself is permanent.

Well visited with them today. I'm heart broken though. My daughter was saying her mom did her hair. Meaning my exs new lady. That cut so deep. Just ready to give up still. It's been over 2 months and I just cant stop feeling such heartache and crying all the time.

But thank you for your kind words. I'm too emotional lately. And just yesterday found out I'm pregnant. I'm fucked all around. The guy in with now is acting so weird. I live in my own bubble with barely any friends. I have family across the country but I don't even get along with them. Left feeling really unstable. I can't even drink a beer to calm my nerves cuz I'm pregnant. Being sober is going to be a bitch. I'll do it. I have to. But its my first day and I'm loosing it.