Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have thought about ending my life so many times I've lost count, but I'm too chicken to do it. I'm just sitting here, at home, everyone is out with friends and I'm stuck with the baby because "it's too cold outside". Don't get me wrong. I love spending every millisecond of every second with my son, but it seems that I'm just the cooking-cleaning-childraising-housewife. I suppose it shouldn't surprise me. Over time everyone runs away from me when they realize what a worthless peace of nothing I am. I think it would be best if I could just silently disappear. No one will notice, and at least my son won't have to grow up having some deranged crazy person for a mother.
I wrote my post to you 3 times, but each time I deleted it because you feel so angry, and I'm afraid of anger.
I want to say this:
You know that you are valuable and worthy and that your son needs you and loves you. Your legacy is to be there for you son, not to leave your son with a lifetime of pain.
Hugs,
Bridget
You used the word 'housewife'; does that mean your husband is part of your's and your babie's life? If so then shame on him for that.
Oh and WELCOME to DS! Lots of good people here!
I sent you a message with my hug before. I did notice something you wrote in your post... you get this every month? I wonder if it is related to your menstrual cycle. I know my depression is tightly linked to my period. I have PMDD. Meds can help, and it also helps just to know if this is the cause of your sadness.
Sweetheart, the fact that you are letting other people know how you feel lets me know that you are worried about you AND your family. I think you are a strong woman, with a great heart, who loves her husband and child to the point that you'd be willing to give yourself up to make them happy. But you know what? You DO make them happy! Look at the smile of your child, the love from your husband.
We all have dips and falls, but we have to stand up and walk. And, as difficult as it may sound (and I say this based on my personal experience) we many times need to reach out to those around us, talk about it, look for alternatives together, go to professionals that can help you together. And I emphasize together because it helps you understand what is going on with you and gives you strategies to deal with your mood, but it also provides your family the information (and I dare say training), the knowledge for them to know how to best help you.
AND, I've also learned that, even though I many times fall into over-thinking mode and begin to convince myself I am more of a burden than help, my family, my boyfriend and his family, and my friends love me so much that they will love me even when I am having my bad days, even when I'm not the sun but the cloud, even when I may not be fun to hang out with. And they do everything possible to help out. And it makes them feel good to know that they are able to help.
I bet you're like me and always help everyone else when you can. I also bet that it's difficult for you to accept help from others (it happens). I also wonder, while I realize just how much you remind me of myself, what can I do to help you?
Please feel free to chat, to email. I really want to help you get out of the dipped place you seem to be in right now.
I hope you are feeling better my dear.
Adaris