Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I was thinking about making this post, but was hesitant, especially after seeing Jazzergirl's post. I was helping an acquaintance with a project ofr a college class. She was having relationship problems with her boyfriend and during the discussion, love came up. I can't remember the exact situation, but I stated I would never marry or be in a relationship. One reason I gave was I was unlikely to find someone who understood love as I do. I don't feel love for someone, that includes family, nor do I feel love from others. That emotion, along with happiness, is now foreign to me.
So, how do I understand love? I understand it as an act of will. To will the good for another person. When I told her this, I got a look of confusion, as I always do when I make that statement. Years after my dysthymia began, I wondered if there was something else wrong with me since I couldn't feel love, along with the associated sense of happiness, comfort and safety. It was during my search that I learn about the Catholic Church's definition of love, the one I gave earlier. it tends to get ignored in its churches and by the world at large in these time of feelings being supreme. To know that I could still love regardless of any lack of feeling or emotion did provide some comfort or I should say reduced some stress. However, I have to make myself act on it. I can still easily go and get a Slurpee and not express concern for someone.
Although I think I lack the emotional maturity and a larger degree of selflessness, I'd be open to a relationship and marriage. However, she'd have to understand that love as society now views it wouldn't be involved. There might be some physical attraction, that biological aspect is still in me, despite how much I'm uncomfortable with it. I'd be helpful, have concern for her, but none of the emotional rose on Sunday, kissy-kissy, huggy-huggy stuff. Due to my past, I'm highly suspicious of people who act that way although I try to push it aside.
Ok, back to the conversation. When I have this discussion, I get that confused look. I might be talking to people who consider themselves highly educated or even wise, but I get that "Huh?" expression. I might as well be talking about the theory of relativity or tax law. Sometimes I'll have someone who understands my definition. One acquaintance told me I was born into the wrong culture and I'd be married and "happy" if I was born into that practiced arranged marriages. Not likely to happen.
So, I'll continue to express love as I understand to my family, associates (that term means something different to me, almost on par with family) and acquaintances. Just don't expect flowers.
So, how do I understand love? I understand it as an act of will. To will the good for another person. When I told her this, I got a look of confusion, as I always do when I make that statement. Years after my dysthymia began, I wondered if there was something else wrong with me since I couldn't feel love, along with the associated sense of happiness, comfort and safety. It was during my search that I learn about the Catholic Church's definition of love, the one I gave earlier. it tends to get ignored in its churches and by the world at large in these time of feelings being supreme. To know that I could still love regardless of any lack of feeling or emotion did provide some comfort or I should say reduced some stress. However, I have to make myself act on it. I can still easily go and get a Slurpee and not express concern for someone.
Although I think I lack the emotional maturity and a larger degree of selflessness, I'd be open to a relationship and marriage. However, she'd have to understand that love as society now views it wouldn't be involved. There might be some physical attraction, that biological aspect is still in me, despite how much I'm uncomfortable with it. I'd be helpful, have concern for her, but none of the emotional rose on Sunday, kissy-kissy, huggy-huggy stuff. Due to my past, I'm highly suspicious of people who act that way although I try to push it aside.
Ok, back to the conversation. When I have this discussion, I get that confused look. I might be talking to people who consider themselves highly educated or even wise, but I get that "Huh?" expression. I might as well be talking about the theory of relativity or tax law. Sometimes I'll have someone who understands my definition. One acquaintance told me I was born into the wrong culture and I'd be married and "happy" if I was born into that practiced arranged marriages. Not likely to happen.
So, I'll continue to express love as I understand to my family, associates (that term means something different to me, almost on par with family) and acquaintances. Just don't expect flowers.
It's a blatant fact that generally people don't think deeply about things. You'll find in discussions about politics, religion, love, spirituality...any of these things, the conversation veers in every direction because our experiences are all quite unique. Your understanding of love, and your placement of it within your own personality, is yours and yours alone. The concepts of others are only an influence to a unique perception - that's the best it can ever be.
Love is due many long, long conversations, because the word covers so much territory to so many people. In a way, the word "Love" is hopelessly vague, because the human experience is so varied in our many emotions and forms of attachment.
Everyone thinks they know what love is, too - how it smells, who's got it, what it does, where you can find it.... We think we start from the end of a long pathway, so we never move.