Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I really don't know where to start. I'm depressed over a break-up that happened 5 months ago. A mutual break-up because we both knew it was best as we wanted different things in life. I was doing well, focusing on my daughter, and, despite the fact that I missed him, was happy that I was finally figuring out who I was. But, over the past few weeks (ever since I found out he still loved me even though he can't be with me), I've been so anxious and so depressed. I love him and I miss him. We live in a small town and I can't go anywhere without seeing reminders of us. I realized the other day that I've become anti-social and hate leaving my house because I'm afraid I'll run into him and I'm "safe" at home. I don't have the energy - or even the desire - to do anything I don't have to do (work and take care of my daughter). I know that I need to be in church and that it always makes me feel better yet I can't make myself go. I don't want to be around people because "what if" I start to have an anxiety attack and have no way to "hide". I have Xanax that I use as needed but, it seems that I need it more and more, which I hate. I try to control my anxiety on an emotional level but I'm outdone by the physical symptoms I can't control. I feel like I'm bi-polar because I'll be happy one day and depressed the next; however, I think it is just where I am trying to stay focused and positive but, sometimes, I just don't have the mental/emotional strength to do that. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want. I feel completely unable to be self-disciplined and "in control" of my life/emotions/thoughts etc. I'm haunted by happy memories I miss more than I can say and even my dreams haunt me. Part of me either doesn't want to or can't let go, but I don't know why, and it is driving me insane. I'm still trying to figure out this sight but thought I would take advantage of the opportunity to journal. Thank you to all who cared enough to read this.
Is it because you are afraid that you or him will rekindle the relationship? Even if it is so, is it really so bad if you two get together again? No way to work it out?
I don't know, maybe it's due to the lack of information, but it does seem like patching up will make everyone happy.
I don't want to run into him because it hurts so much knowing we can't be together. Even though it was a mutual agreement that it was best, it was not something that either of us really wanted. But, to answer your question, no, there is no way to make it work without one of us not being true to ourselves. I want to let go and move on, I just don't know how. I feel like I'm rambling and I apologize. My thoughts and emotions are just all over the place right now. Thank you for responding. I feel like nobody I know really understands and it is nice to be able to just get everything.