I will keep you in my prayers ......I don't know your situation ...so it is hard to give advice ....but ..just ....realy be there when you do get to see your children ..and ...other this new baby on its way ....just ..think ..about ...all the good ...how much you love this baby already ...and how much you will grow to love this baby more and more ....if the father ...is ...not going to be there ...than you don't need him ...you just love your child ......you are blessed ..with this beautiful new life ...my first husband ..left and ..I was just pregnant ...we dident know yet ....and he said that our son was not his ...I knew diferant ..and he did to ....but it was his way out ....he only saw ....the oldest three times ...and disipered from his life ...........my boys are now growen with family's of there Owen ...we are very close ..and they are great fathers ....I remarried ....and to them my h is there father ....they met there birth father ...and ...do not want a relationship with him ....for good reasons ....but I was angry for a long time that there father would not be a father to them ........I learned ..that things have a way of working out given enough love ..and encouragement ......take very good care of your self ...and the new life you carry ..with you ....be kind to your self ....visit your other children when ever you can ..even if it means going to cort .....they need to have you in there life ....and ..you ..may not have any control ..over ....how often you see them ..keep cort papers ..for them so when they are of age ..and are asking questions you can show ....them ..the cort papers ..........so they can see your side ...they deserve to know the truth ....if that is a option for you .......one thing.children ....don't like is to here is one parent talk bad about the other parent .........an exception might come up .....be kind to your self ....forgive your self ...love your self ..so you can better ..love ....the ones ...around you ...I will pray for guidance ..for you ...for strength ....take it one day at a time .....you can message me when ever you would like ..I will be here for you ...I am not on the ds bord much but I answer my messages ...and hugs .......God bless

Thank you. I am trying to cope. I just feel like I fucked my life so bad. I wish I didn't feel so much pain. The only ones that even loved me were my kids and now they feel like strangers. I started reading the bible hoping that will give me hope.

Usually custody goes to the mother of the children, which I don't think is always fair but that's another story. What reason did they have to not give the children to you? If you'd choose to rather not say, then is there anyway that you smooth things over with the father of your children so that you can see them more often? I know it can hurt to feel like you have no one near you that loves you, I often find myself feeling that way as well.

Custody wasn't granted the a court. Not yet. He has been in contact with department of children an family. He want them because of my depression and near the end of our relationship I was drinking alot. I'm scared of thr law and dcf. I do smoke weed and that's about the only thing to really count against me. Oh and the last day I was there at the old house I punched him in the jaw. So cops came and that'll look bad on me for sure.I know I'm going to have to jump the hoops to gety own kids.

Although I'm not in your same situation, I have the same feelings. I feel alone and sad right now due to financial and relationship problems. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

I know you are scared. Fight the urge to isolate. Get plugged in with the community you live in through a job the you enjoy, as well as people that share your circumstances. If you believe in god finding a good small church would be good. Apply for financial assistance , learn about budgeting your money. Just take things one step at a time. You will make it through this . I am praying for you. There is no one that will give you everything you deeply desire. This deep longing is something that we all have and deal with. Please know I care about you and I'm praying for you.

It looks to me like the wheels have fallen off the bus in your life. And whereas you are trying to pull it together, you have to take a few hard, very hard, decisions right now. The first one has to be: do you think you are the right person to have custody of your kids, with the drinking and the drug taking and the violence? You can't blame these things on depression: I have depression and so does everyone else here. How you are handling your depression is not a safe way, and so I would ask if you think with you is the safest place for those kids to be right now?

You might want to just drop the whole custody issue (for fear of being denied any access by the courts) and leave it till you have been through some kind of rehabilitation.

I think you need to book yourself into some kind of hospital. You need to work on you before you try to raise two (perhaps three) children on your own. You will do them harm in your current state.

Your kids will still be there when you have sorted your life out. As to the pregnancy, you need to work out if you can look after another child right now, solo, with your current issues.

I seriously recommend booking yourself into a facility as fast as you possibly can, because the sooner you go in, the sooner you come out, and the less time is wasted before you can start making some serious choices about your life going forward.

I see, now that you've explained things a bit more I understand it a bit. It looks like you're going to definitely to deal with these things, mainly the drinking and if you have a history of domestic violence then that will also look bad, you are right. Not saying you do, just stating facts that the judge will probably consider.

As I asked the lord, why did you leave me when ineeded u the most, and he said my dear child i did not leave you, you only see 1 set of footprints bc this was when i was carrying you. I was with you then and i shall be with you always. Sometimes we go through things to make us stronger. The lord will not give you anything that u can't handle. I lost my whole family on christmas 2010. my husband left me and my son chose to live with him. I became suicidal and became addicted to pills, it has taken 5 years to get over that but with therapy and constant prayer i made it through. now i'm pill free. "My dear child, this to shall pass" I will pray for you.

Thank you most of you who made me feel better. I have been doing good. Been a week and a half sober. Yes I'm depressed. Yes I make bad choices. How dare someone question my ability to be a mother. I never said I was fighting for custody or thought kids belonged only with me. I simply miss my kids that I've raised last 11 years and thought someone could make me feel better. Yes I'm an alcohol. But I recognize that fact. And I'm intelligent enough not to drink pregnant on in my other children's presence. And yeah I hit my ex. But he was in my face pointing yelling. The cops said that was a threat. He also had my car blocked in with cinderblocks and cops said that was entrapment. I've already been in contact with department of children and family's and they are closing the case involving that incident. U don't mean to come off rude. Don't expect a place like daily strength would make me feel worse. But we are all human and I going to pray for all you.

That's a great step with the sobriety. I understand what you mean about some users, I've seen some posts that can be pretty rude here as well, or seem like they're trying to make you feel worse but it's not too common really. Most users seem pretty friendly.

This situation sounds so familiar to me! My Mother was in quite a similar situation a while ago. We have our problems, but that's a different story. It sounds like it was a toxic relationship and it took so much courage to leave. You took the hardest step. People who haven't been in a relationship like that struggle to understand what it's like. It isn't black and white. There is no clear victim and perpetrator. He sounds like he was extremely controlling - my step dad would prevent my Mother from using her car too. It often went in a pattern, he'd wait until she'd been drinking, then he'd start with the verbal abuse, he'd start screaming and threatening but wouldn't actually touch her. She'd get upset and throw something, or push him away from her, and then he'd hit her or push her down and strangle her. I don't know if it ever got that bad with you... but it would go in that pattern always. He'd bait her into initiating physical contact then he'd respond with extreme force - so he could tell himself and others that it was all her fault. I don't know enough about your situation but it sounds so familiar. And he LOVED that she was vulnerable - she had a drinking problem and no job etc, he could seem like the upstanding citizen. He loved coaxing her into doing illegal things to enhance the power imbalance too - smoking weed and other things. So whenever she talked about leaving he'd threaten her with going to the police, and he'd say that her kids would be taken away. Luckily neither my brother or I were his so he wouldn't have gotten custody.
There's no such thing as the 'perfect victim' in domestic violence situations. Victims aren't perfect housewives who cower in the corner. Most women yell and shout and fight back. But as I said... I don't know the situation and perhaps I'm ascribing things to it. Either way it sounds toxic and you were right to leave.
I don't know what to say about your children but I understand how alone you must feel. Just please make sure this current relationship isn't toxic or abusive... it's really easy to escape one and end up in another. I ended up with my own abuser after escaping my step dad, because for a while he at least seemed better than what I was used to - so I put up with things I shouldn't have put up with.
Take care of yourself.

I have read and reread your post. Now mind you this is my opinion so please do not perceive it as an attack or being mean, Im just being honest.
From all that you have said it sounds like you have some nasty monkeys on your back that need to be resolved. Stopping the drink is one of the hardest and if you can keep sober that's fantastic!! Now going from a bad relationship straight into another that in itself has issues is not what I would call a good move. Instead of focussing on your love life you really should put all your energy into building bridges to your babies. Again being my opinion you only thoughts should be them. You need to focus on getting yourself into a healthy state physically and show these child services that you are more than competent to raise your children...try for joint custody. How is your relationship with your children? If its a close relationship then they can call you to arrange to meet you out front so you don't have to face your ex. The only people in your life right now should be you and your babies. If you can lower the tension with your first relationship and be able to be with your kids on a regular basis this will help ease the pain and symptoms of depression. Im in no way calling you a bad person or mother I would never judge another God knows Im far from perfect myself!! You sound like a very caring person who loves her children. I hope that you get some peace soon and I hope I haven't offended you.. best of luck.