Hello, Mycroft. We've not crossed paths in a while. I just need to say that I do not expect you or anyone to please me. that is my responsibility, and I take it very seriously sometimes, and not so seriously at others.

Like your post. Hope that it will get discussion going.

Have nice days; lots of them!!!

i can't speak for anyone, but i know why i have ended online friendships in the past. typically bullies and hatemail or the like. for safety purposes. you can block, you can report, but some sites so little gets done.

here, i don't know. that's an interesting question. maybe it's easier to end online friendships because of the immediacy of the electronic method with which we communicate? in person, we have to face the same neighborhood, same persons unless we want to change cities. online, it's easier. perhaps we cut ties online more as a defense mechanism for ties we can't cut in real life? *shrugs* just wondering out loud.

I think it's because meaning is more difficult to decipher in print, than in listening, to the tone of each other's voices, in a verbal conversation. As well, there's the "ebb and flow" of conversation in person or on the phone, which we don't get in print.

Want a real friendship? Strike up a conversation with somebody you happen to be sitting or standing next to. If it was a pleasant conversation, ask for a phone # so you can continue the conversation. Then, pick up the phone and call.

Everyone is different with the way they feel about their friends. Some people are casual, some people like to talk, some people don't. I think friendships online can be like friends you meet in person. Either you have a connection or you don't, either you like someone or you don't, sometimes one person will like you and sometimes you will like them and they don't like you. All I can say friendships can be hard, sometimes they are not, it depends on the person. Sometimes people are sensitive, sometimes people want different things, sometimes people are not compatable. I think everyone has different wants and needs in what they want in a friendship, some people are more sensitive, some people are not, some people like to communicate some people don't. I know it can be really hard when things don't work out in real life and online, I know it is for me in both situations and it definitely does make you ponder and think why does this have to happen. I think it really is upsetting when friendships don't work. They say we are lucky when we can find one friend.

All I can say is I don't like to hurt others and I don't like to be hurt but sometimes people want to be compatible with their friends, sometimes people don't care if they are compatible because we are all different in what we want and what we feel comfortable with. In my case I want to feel compatable with my friends and I also want to be friends with people who want to be friends with me and who I have a connection with. Again I don't like to hurt others it really hurts me to do that and I don't like to be hurt either, I like to avoid this but sometimes we make mistakes and we have to rectify them. Sometimes we can try to make it work out but when we feel it really can't be worked out sometimes we let go. Sometimes people make efforts and sometimes people don't. Some people care and sometimes people don't. I believe we all have to do what we are comfortable with. I don't want to hurt anyone but sometimes you have too in order to get to where you need to be. Again some people don't do that but sometimes do. We are all different. I just hate hurting anyone and I hate to be hurt but unfortunately it happens. Sorry to talk so long but this happened to be a big issue for me as well.

I think that some people get too overwhelmed with their own lives.. Or too sick mentally to continue an online friendship.

Is it possible for you to learn to adjust to different types of people? I am me through and through but I have different friendships with people... some are very jovial and joking constantly, others are kind of a bitch fest about life in general.. my husband and I spar a lot (fun sparring) It's not always easy to feel a situation out with each person to see what type of friendship it's going to be but as long as it's not one in which you feel like every word needs watched or you're defending yourself or whatnot then you can go with the flow.

Koolman that is a really neat way of looking at things. I never thought of doing that and Elena I can understand what you are saying. You guys make good points. I stink at this and it is good to learn new ways of thinking that can help you get a long. It is good to be open minded which I learned from you. Thank you.

Whoops I meant Peppers Teddy when it came to offering the advice of keeping an open mind with friendships. I think I am losing my mind or something.

Ok. Here it is, at least, for me. VULNERABILITY. When we are on line with others, we are not TRULY vulnerable. We can turn off the machine, use the ignore button, etc.

In real life, I was pretty scared of people. If I let down my guard, I got hurt. Not the fault of the others, just that I did not know to protect myself. In order to make a connection, we must risk what can come from that connection. Vulnerability is the catalyst for successful relationship. Since we are here on a site that deals with mental dis-ease, we can anonymously take risks, and put ourselves out.

I learned to do that better here than I did in 12 step meetings. Those are the safest places I have found in my "skin life" for sharing about myself. But here, behind the screen of my computer, I have revealed things that I am only just now learning to say to my therapist.

And if I am willing to be vulnerable, the payoff is warm and caring friendship, a breaking of the isolation that can lead to very unhealthy ideation, and a sense of incoming human love; than which; only one thing in my experience is better: Outgoing human love.

I went and got wordy. I do that A LOT.