Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello,
Little background: I have been dealing with my issues for a very long time, 15 or more years and they have been slowly getting worse. Long time therapy goer with many different people (over long periods of time). I even had a couple therapists tell me there was nothing they could do for me/nothing really wrong that therapy could help with (a root cause to my issue). I have been on most drugs doctors can think of and all with little to no help.
I have 2 great kids (divorced, but that is a good thing) and I am not feeling what I should be/want to be especially around my kids. I feel like I am missing SOOO much with them. I am doing things/activities with them, its not that, but not feeling I am "there" or enjoying it.
The best way to describe my overall issue is I am "numb". Not exactly depressed (or very depressed), but not happy, and it takes a LOT to get happy and when I do it goes away really fast, and then when it does I even tend to feel down after that (cause I know I lost that happiness for the little time I had it).
I have little to no motivation, when I do get motivated I can be really motivated for a while (I have spent 3 days straight cleaning and organizing my house) but other days I cant get motivation to vacuumed or do the dishes.
The thing that really sux is I get an idea/project in mind, actually get super excited/mediated about it, get started on it, and part way through just loose interest completely, even though I was super excited about it before.
I have had this too but lately it has been worse where I have just been in a mood that I dont care, at home and at work. Like whatever doesnt matter if I clean or do dishes, or do this project or that.
No matter what I do nothing seems to help, the medication, the therapy, even exercised for a month for a while and that didnt seem to help. I drink (not excessively, a couple times a week) and I even gave that up for a month or more and that didnt help (I was sure that would at least help a little).
Now what I want to see is if anyone has similar situation with nothing helping and their issues to see what they did to help alleviate/"fix" the problems.
If anyone needs more info that would help them just let me know!! I could really use the help.
Little background: I have been dealing with my issues for a very long time, 15 or more years and they have been slowly getting worse. Long time therapy goer with many different people (over long periods of time). I even had a couple therapists tell me there was nothing they could do for me/nothing really wrong that therapy could help with (a root cause to my issue). I have been on most drugs doctors can think of and all with little to no help.
I have 2 great kids (divorced, but that is a good thing) and I am not feeling what I should be/want to be especially around my kids. I feel like I am missing SOOO much with them. I am doing things/activities with them, its not that, but not feeling I am "there" or enjoying it.
The best way to describe my overall issue is I am "numb". Not exactly depressed (or very depressed), but not happy, and it takes a LOT to get happy and when I do it goes away really fast, and then when it does I even tend to feel down after that (cause I know I lost that happiness for the little time I had it).
I have little to no motivation, when I do get motivated I can be really motivated for a while (I have spent 3 days straight cleaning and organizing my house) but other days I cant get motivation to vacuumed or do the dishes.
The thing that really sux is I get an idea/project in mind, actually get super excited/mediated about it, get started on it, and part way through just loose interest completely, even though I was super excited about it before.
I have had this too but lately it has been worse where I have just been in a mood that I dont care, at home and at work. Like whatever doesnt matter if I clean or do dishes, or do this project or that.
No matter what I do nothing seems to help, the medication, the therapy, even exercised for a month for a while and that didnt seem to help. I drink (not excessively, a couple times a week) and I even gave that up for a month or more and that didnt help (I was sure that would at least help a little).
Now what I want to see is if anyone has similar situation with nothing helping and their issues to see what they did to help alleviate/"fix" the problems.
If anyone needs more info that would help them just let me know!! I could really use the help.
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
Anything!
I get stuck like you mention, and this is my fall back position.
I feel like this alot and it's like, is this feeling ever going to stop, am I destined to feel like this for the rest of my life or is there a fix. Well not in this life I guess, not in this society because in order to just be alive it's give give give, and nobody out there to give to you, to help you when you're feeling down.
It was a trigger that really set me off though. My brother, grandfather, and parents all died in 15 months. Everything was dumped on me to take care of and I have been trying daily to stay up under this weight. I honestly don't know how much more of this I can handle. To make matters worse I have a Ex wife and a Ex-sister in law that really love to see me suffer and they wont be happy until I blow my head off like my brother did. So with all that loss in my life I had a serious relaziation and maybe this is actually what keeps me going. I am not sure.
See it dawned on me that life is so insignificant. There is really nothing that matters in this life. I guess you can say I lost the will to live and I just don't care anymore. See we spend our lives growing up and trying to enjoy what we can and maybe raise a family. Then we die. Game over and it don't matter at all what you did, said, or had. Your dead and really no one cares. The vultures come in and pick your bones clean and take anything you had before and well I just hope there really is an after life!
I keep pushing forward day after day going to work and trying to clean up my house, because I have two wonderful kids also and I want them to be the best they can. I try very hard not to infect them with my feelings and depression. I have to admit though that I use their youth and accomplishment to keep me going, because I often feel so down that they are my everything. I am hoping that with the time I have left with them, before they move on into their own ives that I can get stronger and better with how I feel. I have also tried most of the medications and therapy and none of it really works.
I wish I had magic words to take all your pain away and help you. Sometimes I wonder if I feel the way I do, because I feel very deeply for things and people around me. I always try to help everyone as much as I can and I have always been this way, but I see the way the world is today and it makes me sick to my stomach. So I guess I am just burnt out also.
You're in therapy, that's good. Maybe your medication needs to be upped or a booster? It can be as natural as food or a mood stabilizer. I need these when I'm in a major episode and in the numb phase. It took a lot of forced effort on my part too. I'd do something as easy as walking daily.
Little steps, you will get there.
To add to the conversation: I disagree with your therapist(s) that there is nothing that can be done. If that isn't a depressing thing to hear I don't know what is! Have you ever done cognitive behavioral therapy? I see a lot of "disqualifying the positive", and many other cognitive distortions! It sounds like you are working very hard (and so what if you are going through the motions; some parents don't go through any motions)!
Life can be depressing: I have had a real run for it at my job and in relationships. I often do want to give up and go down the black hole. Life is not fair, and God does not distribute life's challenges in a fair way and I DO NOT believe that God WILL NEVER GIVE US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE. That's setting us up to feel like a failure. And Pepperman's comment about doing anything is a part of CBT: If your so called therapist does not feel that he or she can help you I'd try one of David Burn's books on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I think you are trying really hard. We have grown into a tough society and "help" is not as easily accessible as one might think. It sounds like you keep trying. Keep up the good work: Everyone!
Motivation can be a very unstable thing sometimes but seems like your issue concerning it goes beyond what usually happens to everyone.
That numb feeling You get, it is devastating because it keeps You from enjoying and getting pleasure of great moments and great days around people You love who love You back
Perhaps I cannot relate to your specific case but I know that sometimes the stuff we carry from the past can keep us from enjoying our present and future.
Maybe even if stuff from the past do not bother your mind a lot nowadays, perhaps theres things You did not overcome and throughout all these years, perhaps You been able to avoid them and turn them aside and maybe thats when all that numbness began to rise within yourself, what do You think ?
are there things from the past that You did not overcome or heal from yet ?
I think You should try to remember when all that numbness started and the loss of motivation in the way that You have. Sometimes the key of the present is in the past, Ive come to overcome things from my past which were blocking me from moving forward You know, even though I did not let it be in my head each day, rarely my mind was overwhelmed by the stuff from the past but still i avoided facing it and healing but when I started to face, I started to get free and it was an amazing feeling that has helped me become more movitated with life and with myself.
I really hope You manage to change and begin to feel more good feelings, the ones You deserve to feel !!!!