In the early hours of Saturday morning after three days of no sleep and suffering, I was feeling that I just couldn't cope anymore. I had some pills and was scared at how deeply tempted I was to take them. I cried because I felt the pull so strongly. No more pain, no more suffering. There they were, sitting there...
I cried, rang a helpline and they arranged for me to see a doctor who would give me sleeping pills. It was the weekend and so I could not go to my local doctor because it was shut. So I had to get the bus to the town and make my way to the hospital.
It was the lonliest bus ride of my life. A sunny day for a change, and I am sitting on the bus because I want to end my life.
I was crying whilst on the phone to them, and crying on the bus, getting ready, heartbroken at how lonely I am feeling. I will never forget that bus ride. On the way back, I was struck at the people on the bus and how they seemed so normal and had no idea I was sucidial. Why would they?!
I am so tearful now. I keep crying and the emotional pain wells up in me again. I am so tired. This feels unending.
I was struck on the bus how I have no friends, apart from one close one, and one I do not see much.
I wanted to share how I feel and what I have been through because I
am lonely and struggling and know that so many others are feeling the same. I have been feeling extreme anxiety and depression.
I felt it would be healing for me to share and learn of others experiences with this and ask did you come through it and how did you cope?
Thanks