I'm rarely alone. I live with 3 other people, I work a lot, and I go to school. There are almost always people around. When I do get alone time it's not long-lived.. usually between me getting home and the roommates getting home.
It's so much harder to feel lonely when you aren't alone. It's awkward. One of the people I live with is my brother, and he can tell that something isn't right with me. He asks me all the time what's on my mind because he always catches me with that empty look on my face that gives it away that something is on my mind. Part of me wants to break down and tell him exactly how I have been feeling the last number of months - alone and empty. But the other part of me feels stupid for feeling the way I do, and I don't want to admit to my brother how weak I really am. I'm not simply going through another cycle. It's not the "disease" this time.. it's life. I am finding it bloody impossible to get over my ex. I still love him and miss him and this is why I feel so empty and alone. I'm tired of not feeling anything. I haven't been able to feel a damn thing since he left me... except the bouts of burning sadness and anger. I feel disconnected from the people around me, making it such that I feel alone even when I am surrounded by friends. I'm tired of feeling this way.
I'm trying to move on with everything. I'm trying to meet new guys and divert my attention away from my old love... but it's much easier said than done. The sea seems to be pretty much empty.
I was never overly concerned with being lonesome before I was with my ex. I was a confident single who didn't bother myself with wishing for someone to hold me. But that person is gone now and I can't find her back anywhere. Since he left me there is nothing I want more in this life than to have someone to cuddle with and tell me I'm beautiful and encourage me to reach my goals... I try to tell myself that there are more important things in life than dating, which is how I always felt before him, but it is to no avail. Being with him opened my eyes to a whole new kind of happiness, a whole new world. And I just want it back. I'm empty without it.