I am not sure I understand your plight but trying to tell others will help you and there will be others on this board that will try and understand. So, can you detail more of what is going on?

I didn’t give details as I was trying to be brief, but going through divorce, lost my chances of ever becoming a mother. Career fail. On top of that suffered anxiety which contributed to downhill slope of my career and now left with nothing. I wouldn’t even know where to start. I cannot even conduct an interview, the thought makes me want to vomit and disappear. I know I’m not the only one with these problems and it can be much much worse, but at the moment not having anyone in my life to talk to is making everything feel a lot harder to deal with, I feel so isolated everyone turned their back on me, my world collapsed. Now I have no idea what’s next, I never wished to die more than I have now, I really want to die. But I will never do it, that’s not what I mean here, but I just want to disperse so it’s all over.

Hi Nadz! I can relate. Sometimes...when life throws you a lemon....it can also throw you a basket full of them.

I have lost a lot after my breakup with a long term partner due to cheating and narcissistic abuse. It took a huge toll on my self esteem and my career, mental health...and I too feel like I wasted those years with someone and not sure if I will ever have kids now.

It's a lot to grieve, process....and it fucking feels unfair. I spent alot of time...waiting ....waiting for something good to come my way.

Then I realize...I was waiting for myself. I had to be there for myself. All the good that was going to come had to come from me.

You have to start dealing with your mental health...that is the key to everything. If the mind and soul aren't right...nothing ever gets fixed...it gets postponed or patched.

When you feel stronger after dealing with your mental health, and getting a better grasp on your anxiety...you will have more strength, motivation, and courage to tackle smaller goals...that will lead to bigger things.

Take some time to grieve and be upset, but don't stay in that too long. It will cause depression and that's even harder to pull yourself out of.

All is not lost...let go of the past...and redefine the life you want. You may not have biological children but you can adopt, foster, or be a great influence on some child in need.

I don't think you have to decide right now...what's next. Perhaps think of what can you do right now? What can you control,and what do you have the energy for.

Sending you light and love!

Been at the bottom myself career wise. Went about four years without an interview. But things do turn around. Get your psychological issues sorted yet. Can you access a councellor on Skype? Just make one call. After this virus lifts there will be new opportunities. But sort yourself out first

As to kids once you sort your issues out and you will - nothing to stop you having kids on your own. Many women do

Flashreturns, I’ve written two replies but I think they are lost! I’m new still working out the best way to comment and send on this site, so if your inbox is flooded with repeats of my comments I apologize. I was just saying I actually tried therapy, but for my kind of problem it’s physical and mental too. I get panic attacks, extreme anxiety levels It’s hard to describe how disturbing it can be, therapy and counciling didn’t work so far. They ask me to put myself in the situation and face it to deal with it, but I have avoided it which made things worse. every time I have to face a meeting or an interview it just feel so physically and mentally taxing it leaves me with body aches for days, every time.. But I will keep trying and trying..

And now I think I’ve deleted my reply to lavender80, I thought there were two of them. I’m sorry lavender80. I had written a long reply not sure you read it or it’s gone now. I think I’m too confused today, cannot even work the comment part properly. But thank you very much for sharing your personal experience. One day everything will feel better. Acceptance, I’m learning what that means, it’s hard, but it’s a pill I have to swallow.

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. When I was trying to find the right medication for my ptsd, sometimes I couldn't lift a pencil. Holding a dinner plate was too heavy. I tried to shave my legs once and could only shave one. Sometimes I didn't know how I was going to walk from point A to point B. I know that medication changed that for me. But even though the worst of it has passed, I still suffer.
And sometimes a glimmer of hope is what we need. Although lots of people tried to help, the most helpful was someone who had been through it telling me to just take cover and wait for the storm to pass. She reminded me that I am a "bruised reed" and there's a scripture that says, "A bruised reed He will not break and smoking flax He will not quench." She told me that a woman once grabbed her hand and said, "I know you don't have faith right now, but I do, so you can borrow my faith, lean on that."
After telling my sister that I just couldn't see a future for myself she reminded me that there is a future because tomorrow always comes.
I've been reading a book called In His Image by Jen Wilken. And focusing on the attributes of God gives me hope. Of all the crap I've been through I can honestly say to you that in the end, everything is always okay. Even when it's not okay, it is. When all this is over, we're going to see that everything was okay. We were never alone. There is a plan unfolding.
I am 37 and I don't have children yet and have wasted my life or so it seems. Have been in an abusive relationship and it has affected every area of my life. I'm not working. I have ptsd. I have no children. and some days, like today I feel like I have no reason to get out of bed. A glimmer of hope for the future can do wonders to get me though the next hour. Please, borrow my hope. Borrow my faith. Good things are coming for you. Things you could never think or imagine. Life is full of mystery and wonders.

Also FaceTime & zoom has been extremely helpful for me.

Thank you Mizz_Von, first of all i'm sorry you were in an abusive relationship and glad you are no longer in it. I too believe in God, but right now my relationship with God is suffering. I do believe in pain as a necessary tool for growth, pain is part of life and it has a purpose, but my fear about missing out on motherhood and children is making me forget all that and my faith is weakened, it is a very hard experience i cannot think wisely and calmly at the moment.. i am just mentally so exhausted. all i can feel is this is the end for me. God loves a tryer, but i don't know how i can try anything when everything in my life is collapsing at the same time, what am I to try...

To be honest I cannot benefit from facetime or zoom right now, I've been experiencing this loneliness for a few years, title of my post is probably misleading as my loneliness and situation goes back longer than the current pandemic.. my failed relationship have resulted in loosing a lot of friends and family relationships, I gave him everything, he was my only focus, all my time, all my energy, he had a lot of problems, he wasn't abusive, but a selfish narcissist and manipulator who put himself first in every step of the way, and I fully supported him assuming once he is on his feet then it is my turn to feel supported, but time proved me wrong. It's a lesson and I am ok about loosing him, but it also means my chances to try for children will be compromised too. But staying with him became a big sacrifice i was no longer happy, couldn't cope.

It will be alright.... one way or another...

Have you heard of narcissistic abuse? It doesn't have to be physical to be considered abuse. Neglect is abuse. I know that with depression it is impossible to come to a positive conclusion. Trying to figure it all out leads to digging a deep hole for yourself.

I felt that way too... "once he overcomes xyz he'll be the loving person I know he truly is." And from what you're saying it actually sounds like classic abuse. Isolating yourself from all of your friends and family is sign of abuse. And so is blaming yourself.

Yes, "God loves a tryer." He also loves the weak and wounded. He says, "my power is made perfect in weakness."

I can relate to your exhaustion. I so badly wanted and sometimes still want someone to lay me down, kiss my face and say, "You just rest."

Actually I’ve read about narcissist abuse, and to some degree it does apply to him, but it was assisted and made easy because i was a different person then, very agreeable and trusting, and thought marriage and settling down was the answer to all all my prayers. Growing up I had to deal with horrible personalities that were 100% narcissist, hence to me he didn’t seem like a narcissist, just a man who always knows what he wants in life.Now I look back and I still think he is a nice man and intelligent, but manipulative because none of the big decisions were made for a joint benefit, just himself, and somehow he can twist everything to make it look all it was my decision and he did t all for me!
As for friends, Unfortunately when you change and try become more selective and not say yes to everything, even friends don’t get it anymore. Being unemployed right now, haven’t met new people for a long time, living in my own head most of the last few months even before lockdown. I’ve changed and I think it’s a good thing, I definitely cannot trust easily. Won’t let it change my views in the good people, but I’ve been hurt by too many I am not ready to open up too much easily to anyone not even friends.
I feel this site really helped me since yesterday as it’s first honest conversation in a long time! Lately I’ve been waking up and cry before I even get up from bed. Today I’m actually smiling.. talking here really helped me, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART TO ALL OF YOU.
I know the problems are still there, and I have to deal with them, deal with the intensity of my emotions when they attack again. But today I will make it a very worthy day and look after myself in every way possible. I’m really so grateful to you all. ❤️

Hi Nadz, it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job and in a period of self healing. I can totally relate to you and as I read your messages we sound very alike as I resonated with many of your life experiences.

Narcissism and past relationships that didn't work yet many lessons were learned and we will grow from it. Healing takes time. I have experienced so much including trauma and find being alone very hard esp now.

I live alone in basement apartment and as much as my family (parents & brother) who just moved further away, we have our dysfunctions but they came and kinda rescued me for a couple weeks and are letting me stay with them and I am feeling a bit better, getting more sunlight, not feeling cooped up in my basement where I had lack of sunlight, now I see sunshine, lol. I am sleeping better, although I'm up late tonight haha, on here but before coming here last week I found I was so filled with anxiety that I was staying up until 4-5am in the morning and sleeping in until 2 in the aftn which messed me up hormonally big time.

I found this group just before I came to stay with my parents. Its good that you are reaching out for support. Hope you found ways to stay grounded like getting out for fresh air even if just sitting in your yard for 15-30 min a day and getting sunshine in your face. Take a warm salt bath to cleanse your aura and clear your energy field to stay in a high vibration. Work on healing your heart chakra so you can learn to forgive and open your heart again to trusting. There's so much I want to share but can't do it all here now so will leave you with a couple links of things that maybe you will find helpful.

Here is some info on chakras from a meditation site.
https://www.sahajayogameditation.online/chakras-plexus-energy-centers

I also find listening to spiritual videos helps me to focus my mind
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=brahma+kumaris+shivani&qpvt=brahma+kumaris+shivani&FORM=VDRE

Prayer Requests
https://www.unity.org/prayer

I also like listening to chakra healing reiki music or guided meditation online such as this. I am a massage aromatherapist and used this one alot in my sessions with clients.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=3nEW4MHO6SM&feature=emb_title

I would love to stay in touch if you ever wish I have friended you so feel free to send me an email here anytime.

Be well and stay safe and no that although you may currently be alone physically at this time, you are not alone in spirit and can reach out at anytime to people all around the world by phone or other.

Love and Light
Celestial Light

Celestial_light,, I really appreciate your understanding and the tips through links provided. already listening to the reiki music which you provided, it I am 10 minutes into it and I can tell it is amazing, added to favourites links already, always have been into this stuff, it helps me in slowing down the rhythm of my racing mind. I am now just relaxing before bedtime, and definitely this site have come at the right time,
Glad you moved somewhere else where you can experience sunlight and company, both help through current lockdown. Family is very important, even when we have big differences, It's about learning to accept that just because we are family, we don't have to agree on everything or same personalities, but we should support and love each other at least when someone is going through a hard time. Today I've met my brother after four years of not meeting or even talking, he just stopped replied to my messages when I stood up for myself when he was unjust to me, and someone else in the family. I didn't hurt him then, I just said can we talk about it, and when my views weren't what he wanted to hear he just quit on me, despite knowing I was going through a terrible time in my marriage, But seeing him today was definitely great, I loved hugging him and knowing we are in the same room talking like brother and sister should, but deep down I know he has his life and he can cut me out again any time, so I will not rely on him, but will always love him because I really do, and maybe one day he realise I was right for expressing myself, and understand instead of assuming I was just nasty or something.

Would love to stay in touch with you, I've already sent you a friend request and will message too.. it is great to find people who can get it, somehow it is not happening for me in real life, although I can see everyone have their own problems, but somehow, not everyone can relate to my own feelings and struggles.. but online, more than once (in previous groups two years ago) I found online friends so much more relatable, I think in real life people can shy away from expressing themselves very openly, I definitely worry if I come across too negative and bore people with my problems as well.... so I open up then I regret it sometimes, other times I open up, but I don't get the right response and it makes me even more upset. . I hope I don't make anyone even online, more negative or unhappy, I want to be supportive too and help lift people up, But other times I just want to be honest and let it all out, and just say no I am not ok, I am actually dying deep down.. not every day, some days I cannot say I am happy because I am not, and that's definitely not a statement I can make right now with any friend or family at the moment.

Hi Nadz, thanks for opening up to us.
I'm so sorry you are going through these challenges. My prayer is that while you're going through this, you are also growing through it. The unique opportunity about right now is that everyone is confined to home, which means all of us are more available to connect via phone or internet. Have you reached out to any friends or family to see how others are doing? We all have our struggles that we go through, and I believe you could also be a friend to someone else in need.

I want to encourage you that even though you are going through a tough time, these external things do not define you or your worth. Our feelings serve as an indicator similar to our dashboard in a car. They may tell us a little about what is going on in the moment, but they don't define us. You wouldn't say a car is worthless because the check oil light comes on, you would stop driving it and spend some time working on the oil to get it restored. So now let's figure out how to take things one thing at a time and work to restore things for you, and in the mean time have hope that this will eventually pass and it doesn't define you as a woman or your worth. I believe only God as our creator determines our worth, and you are very much lovely! You are wonderfully made. You are valuable, worthy, and you are loved. You are a gift to this world and you do matter. Your heart matters. Your feelings matter.

Have you considered talking with a counselor or therapist of some kind? I've found personally that counseling is a healthy way to be real and honest with how challenging things are, but a great way not to stay there and to continue to move forward one day at a time. Also keeping a gratitude journal is not just a "nice thing to do" but actually is a tool that changes us from the inside out.

I wish you the best. You are not alone, we are here with you and so is the God of the Universe. Prayers to you for strength and courage!