I can relate to HOPELESSNESS AprilStar - I must fight hopelessness every day, all the time, the fight never ceases

I am not a cutter - cutting and gambling are the only two addictions I never had

we cant give in to addictions - hang in there

holidays are OVER

I understand that . . . I don't remember ever really not feeling this way.
Also, it's been over a year since I last cut (though 11 months since my last suicide attempt) and the fight is just getting to be too hard. I don't know how much longer I can keep fighting . . .

It seems I say in messages to DS friends every other day - "I dont know how long I can keep fighting this shit"

and sometimes they say that to me

But we are still here.

We can on fighting.

How much longer can we keep it up?

As long as it takes.

You have already gone a long time without cutting or suicide attempt already - congratulations

I thought I was doing okish, At least I had the will to live another day.
I think part of the problem is that my counselor is away for awhile, so I've kind of lost all my support in this area. It's left me feeling kind of lost.

I used to see a counselor once a week. Then I had to drop it all because of an asshole job that gave me flak about taking off to go to VA medical appointments - which are free to me as an Air Force vet.

It was only cuz the counselor was a Grad Student Intern that weekly sessions were possible - now having quit the job with the Nazis I got back into counselling at the VA but there are no Interns there anymore - I can only go MONTHLY to a new therapist who is of course busier. I also am lined up to start Anger Management group on a weekly basis on Jan 28th.

A MONTH between counselling sessions is too long - I sympathize with you being away from your therapist - we have to rely on the board here in between these professional visits - well, we dont HAVE TO - but we can.

we become each others' support, or at least part of it

We just don't want to live like this anymore :'(
It needs to stop! It's too much!

I was also having weekly appointments. It's been about 3 weeks now . . .

yeah - see, 3 weeks is a long time - shit, many CRISES come up when you go longer than a week - I dont know when I see my therapist again - a month from 21 Dec I guess - that seems so far away I cant think about it - and so much will have happenned between sessions I dunno if I'll know what I've told her about and what I havent.

You are lucky if you can go back to weekly once yer therapist returns

She did call me yesterday to see if I was ok, and we're supposed to have a phone session on Friday. But it's just not the same . . . Especially now over Christmas, this always seems to be a more difficult time for me.

like I said - Holidays are over - REJOICE!

Holidays are hell for us.

Hell on us all.

You've got some phone contact and you'll at least have phone session Friday - that's better than nothing.

You are NOT ALONE in finding holidays a struggle.

A few of us "spent New Years eve" here on the board - keepin each other from goin crazy

Christmas and New Years are OVER WITH - we dont have to THINK of 'em fer a long time Aprilstar

Yes, but just because they're over doesn't mean it's that easy to forget how horrible they were.

I know.

Its not easy to forget - and its horrible that they ARE horrible - its horrible that for many many people in Depression Group here - holidays are just sumpn to LIVE THRU - not "enjoy" as they should be.

But you hang in there and DONT CUT and dont check out

I know - I know - easy for me to say - cause my addictions were booze and drugs - I never cut - never attempted suicide

but I still say it

hang in there

I don't know if I can anymore. It's just so hard to keep trying. What's the point anyways?

I dont have any wisdom about any "point"...
as in "whats the point?"

and really nothing to say except I have felt that way - like GIVIN UP - so many times - so many times - and I bet many on this board have as well

but something inside me doesnt want to give up

are there different parts of you?

Might not one or more part have the "I dont want to give up" feeling, and that/those parts are just being drowned out right now by the part/parts that feel its useless to go on?

If so, if all the "I wanna give up" parts had their wish granted - they would die and dissapear, and all that would be left of you would be parts that wanted to continue

I hope I wake up and you're still here tomorrow, that's all, I know AprilStar - hope to see you then

Yep, lots of different parts. We're all feeling pretty much the same right now.