I feel the way you feel also. I think we are living in very tough times. I don't know if the rapture is coming but have you gotten any support from your church or your loved ones? Maybe somebody needs you or wants you to stay with them in this life. Maybe, support from friends, family, and people in your church could help you out of this severe depression. I don't think you should speed up the process of going to heaven. It doesn't seem like it's your time to go. I know you don't want to commit suicide but drinking so much and taking so much medication may kill you. Believe me, I know what it feels like to be severely depressed.

I am sorry you feel this bad. You are depressed and drinking alcohol intensifies your depression. I look forward to where I will go when I die. I do have days that I just wish God would take me home and when I am falling asleep I am hoping I never wake up. You must do something. If you want change you have got to take some action. Counseling perhaps? I know members of DS who are feeling better and better emotionally because they are spending their time here reaching out to others. You can do the same. You really can help others. You've been wayyyy down, despairing and suffering a severe depression. The only good that comes from this is that the sufferers know how to help those who suffer the same as they do or did. So, can you see how much other people need you? You may find some help in reading the scriptures, prayer and thinking positive thoughts. Even one verse a day, 3 prayers a day and one positive, hopeful thought a day can begin to make a difference in your life. I hope you find the answers and I pray that you will be given strength, peace of mind and guidance. : )

Sherry

Mikail,
We have spoken before and I agree with your beliefs. We are living end time and Satan does have a beach head on the worl,d especially here in the US. It is up to us, even in our current emotional turmoil, to turn as many non-believers into believers as we can. The more that are told about salvation the closer we get to the second coming of our Savior Jesus. Christians believe the rapture will come when eveyone in all parts of the world have heard the good news, not that they have to believe it, just have the opportunity to choose. I know my church,Saddleback, in California, is sending members to villages all over the world that were virtually untouched by the Gospel before. We believe by doing this we can hasten the second coming.. My point my friend is, God still needs us, I feel suicidal everyday but I know there is always one more soul I can try to save for Jesus. Knowinf this is part of what keeps me going. Help hasten the rapture and go save one more for Jesus. God bless. Tom

DS is a good way for you to reach out to others. Helping is good for you. It is actually biblical. Although words are read and we can think the words, it does not change how we feel. Alcohol does not really help-just knocks you out. I have actually prayed and ask God why did he let me live (too much of a coward to do myself in). I did think for about a year that he would somehow let me die because there is no way that I can live. I am still here. The extreme stress has drained me--I stay incredibly tired. Overdosing and alcohol won't help. Try, nutrition good foods and mild exercise.

i dont believe in god. I didnt need to to feel better from my depression. When i die I hope i become some nice soft animal. I dont believe in heaven or hell. You believe in god yet you drink to excess. kin ds an oxymoron isnt it?

I felt similar to you only about a week or two ago. I switched the time from a.m. to p.m. to take my anti-depressant and it made such a difference. I'm not as depressed during the day like I used to be. I used to be depressed as soon as I woke up. Now, I have more energy to do things. Still don't know whether or not I am in a little bit of depression or just still tired sometimes. Don't give up tho' cuz of other people. You matter!

p.s. Are you on antidepressants? If so, how long have you been taking them? Just curious.

Mikail.
Donna 56 doesn't believe in God and that is her choice. I know you do believe so live another day to save another soul. I pray for Donna anyway. Donna if you read this, I care about you as a fellow human being. Please reconsider investigating Jesus. By the way, don't judge Mikail reference his drinking, he is hurting like the rest of us. Jesus loves the sinner not the sin! God bless Mikail.

Yes, Mikail...we are all loved.

Consider ECT to help you get out of this depression. You can tell very quickly if this is going to help you; but, your depression is not responding to things as it stands.

Also, consider see an Endocrinologist and see if there is something going on with you from a Neurohormonal standpoint.

yes these are all good and answers try to take action on mikail...I tried the laying in bed till I die thing...and I ended up having to go to the bathroom and getting me a snack while I waited.
sorry, I know yu do FEEL this way, but most of the time the way we FEEL, can change in a flash...xx...let me tell ya!

I can only wish you good luck; we do not know what is beyond. I am sure it is very hard, but hopefully you can gather the strength to get help and work with your therapists. Some of the suggestions made sense. If you can do it, try to work with an organization helping people, and get some exercise to get your endorphins moving.

I've written here before lately and I talk to my therapist about "waiting to die" and that's what it does FEEL like most of the time. I'm not going to give you advice about the mixture of alcohol and xanax, etc. because I used to do that too - a lot. I'm surprised I'm still here.

But, what I believe about you is that you don't really want to do because if you did, you would do it. I certainly took enough pills/alcohol at times to die, but I didn't. I suppose I was hoping there would be an accident so I would not have to take responsibility for doing this because I'm not sure whether I want to die. Well, most of the time I feel dead anyway, but occasionally I feel a spark.

On this note, I liked SuyB post about FEELIINGS. One important thing I've learned about "feelings" from my own experiences and therapists and memorize this and say it out loud when you are feeling hopeless - FEELINGS CHANGE! and they do. Suy is right. Feelings are just feelings and sometimes they can hurt so very bad. But they are just feelings and they can and DO change in a flash. Once you know that and you're feeling like dying, notice that your feelings do change from second to second and they will change for the better and back to worse. But instead of waiting to die, wait until those feelings change, knowing that they will.

Another line in a move inspires me. In the shawshank redemption, there's a line where someone says - in a prison - "it's really up to one thing really, GET BUSY DYING, OR GET BUSY LIVING. Sometimes when I'm worse, and instead of dying, I DO anything and take a baby step towards the path of LIVING no matter how crummy life seems. Mostly I know my feelings will change.

I think there's something bigger up there because life is so amazing especially out furry angels out there, but I happen to get more depressed when people just talk about Jesus and heaven/hell, saviors. Noone could be more spiritual than I, and I think it has something to do with "feelings" and I do pray, but not to Jesus. I pray for strength to continue on and strength comes not from God but from within ourselves.
T.

Dear Mikail, I think most of us who are on here have been so down that we've lain in bed...I don't know if it's waiting to die, but it's certainly not really having the motivation to live. The world is a scary place, but the drinking with the pills, if you believe in God, I would think isn't what God would want you to do. Given that you have prescriptions for Xanax and Ambien, I wonder if you've spoken to your doctor? It sounds like you aren't getting the support you need or if you only have Xanax and Ambien, I wonder why not also an antidepressant? It sounds like the fears you have are worsened by depression. I truly believe that with medication and therapy and in your case, guidance from your church, you will feel better. It takes time.

I have suffered major depressive breakdowns three times in my life, where I too, have lain in bed, unable to get out, not wanting to face the world; not caring to face the world, but not aggressively wanting to die. Each time, medication and therapy have helped. The problem is that when I didn't do both and make it a priority to take care of myself, I ended up in bed again.

I feel for you. I am in bed right now, but finally waiting/hoping to get better rather than to run away.

Mikail, depression drugs intensify the effect of alcohol, so please avoid it. i myself have tried committing suicide but failed. and im trying my best to overcome this depression. i have no support. but i think ill be fine. i just need to avoid situation that makes me depressed, avoid alcohol and cig, take my regular med, and exercise. wanna join me in my quest to recovery? let us post our recovery steps here. lets try to be a supporter. those things i did made my day better than the usual, so im going to continue it. i hope u find the regime that work for you. or how bout try mine? may we recover together. Have a good day.

My dsl modem fried. I have a dial-up program with at&t. I ordered at&t uverse so I may not be able to get online until I get high speed back. It takes like 2 minutes to load DS. If I can find a hospital in the detroit metro area that lets patients smoke I may go inpatient for a week or 2. My brother is a hoarder and my trailor looks like an episode of hoarders.The hospital would be like a vacation. I would get a break from the beer. I do have a footlong bloodclot in my left leg from laying in bed so long. My blood thinners would have to be monitered if I quit drinking cold turkey.