I have learned in therapy you can not change other people, especially your family. Friends can easily be getting rid of if that is how they are, but family much harder. I use to feel guilty about alienating myself from some family members, but not anymore.

My mother has BPD, but refuses to get help with it, and I have learned that we just will never be that close, and i have to keep her at arms length. I id not choose this she did by not getting help and keeping her nose in all those self help fluff that for, many, many years never helped her out at all. She just does it so she can judge everyone else, and be self righteous. My one sister is the same way, and is very selfish, and gets what she wants matter what she does to get it, and is the last person to help you out.

I have a cousin that is very abusive, and i say to myself, why do i have to put up with this?" I don't, just because he is family doe snot mean i have to put up with abuse, so I have no relationship with him, only see once n awhile at family get togethers.

So yes they are family, and you do your best to be there, but they do not have a right to abuse you. yes what your brother is doing is abuse. it might be passive aggressive abuse, but abuse none the less, and it hurts. it will take time,but you need to distance yourself emotional from your brother. if he doe snot want to get help, and continues on this path of ruining the fun for everyone else, and putting you down, distance yourself form him. yes you will still him,but eventually you will not care what he says.

I do not care what my one sister says, and actually love to park behind her when she is in my parking spot or someone else's, so she can complain she can't get out. LOL I throw her my keys. :P By the way she does it on purpose knowing it is my spot, but as i said she does not care for she it the princess of the relm. I use to actually care what she and my mother thought of me, or what they said. Most of the time not anymore, and I keep safe distance fro both of them emotionally. Go d forbid i ask her for any favors, and n comes the huge load sign, and arrgghh, like the drama queen she is, so I rarely if ever ask her for favors anymore.

There are a lot of things we want, and I am sure you probably want a better relationship with your brother, but it is obviously not your choice. you can't change him, and until he willing to change distance yourself. he likes the negative energy, and feeds of it. Do not allow him too.

The funny thing is when i am distant form my mother, and just go about my day not talking to her about anything, and go about my day to day, not telling her anything of any importance in my life, she actually craved my attention, and wants more of a relationship with me, but I know it is a trap, and I know i am fine where i am, and our relationship is actually better for it. :)

Aquarius really nailed this one! The trick is to accept that this is how your brother is and not let it bother you.

It sounds like he is addicted to the drama of a lousy life, and is not willing to do anything to change it. Perhaps he needs an intervention? (Mostly kidding about that intervention thing.)

I actually tried to take him somewhere and meet ppl and do an informal intervention kind of thing. He kicked and screamed the whole way, then complained about it. Then he said that he didn't want to meet new ppl, he just wanted to call me. So I gave up.

I have a lot of bad history with my family, I posted discussions on it in the past. Its too much to explain. I like the first reply a lot and that reply will give you peace if you practice what was said. I didn't and got arrested for flipping out on my tweeker sister. Read a past posting of mine that's about my sister and you will see what not to do. I'll bring it back into circulation and will post here about the name.
Remember I did what you are not supposed to do so don't get any ideas.

Hi Drew,
I'm interested in seeing the post, it might help.
Thanks,
orion

I think Aquarius said it in his post. I have to agree with him. Hugs GB