It sounds to me like you are completely overwhelmed. Breaking it down into bite sized pieces: you've moved (not just to new accommodations but to a different city!), you're not sleeping so you don't have enough energy to do your readings and assignments, you can't get the counselling you need, etc. Don't beat yourself up: anyone would be feeling what you feel in this situation. There are some major stressors going on!

I'm not sure what to suggest except perhaps to take care of yourself first and foremost. And congrats on stamping out the negative self talk - that is a HUGE achievement which is so difficult for many people to master.

Make sure you eat healthy food - loads of fresh fruit and vegetables where possible. I don't know how easy this is in your dorm, but I'm aware that many Americans eat a lot of processed food at the expense of the good stuff. Take a good vitamin supplement too. That helped me immensely in my times of depression, especially when I was pregnant. Lay off the coffee and sodas, drink plenty of water, green tea and juices when you can. Keep that brain hydrated! Cut out all non-essential appointments in your diary so you're not running around like a headless chicken. Perhaps changing your surroundings when trying to study and read may make a difference. When I was at high school, I'd study outside on the verandah in the sun instead of staying in my room. Made a huge difference to my mindset and concentration.

I hope this is of some help to you. All the best with your studies and most importantly, love yourself!

Are there any resources on campus you could turn to? I work at a college and I know there are things in place to help students. I know that's difficult though. I'm proud of you for recognizing where you're at and seeking counseling services. If you went to the resources available to you on campus, insurance wouldn't be an issue then too.
I know it's hard though. I went through a similar period when I was in college. And I burned out. I made it through, but it caught up to me shortly after. I had just started my career and had to take a leave of absence. I would hate to see you do all this hard work and then also have it be your downfall. I agree with kiwicsi, try studying in a public spot. Just being around others can lift you up. I know that sounds simple and can actually be just the opposite, but when life is overwhelming and everything seems difficult, life can be found in the baby steps. I hope this helps you. You deserve to enjoy your life and be happy.

Hi milsaf26, Welcome to this site. We are so glad you reached out here. This is a good place for you to share and reach out. We understand the struggles you are going through. Both Kopper and Kiwicsi have great suggestions. It does sound like you are overwhelmed. I have struggled like that in my life. What works best is first don't be so hard on yourself. Then as has been mentioned take one thing at a time. I also agree with the suggestion to see what is offered on campus related to counseling. Often they have counselors that can help when life gets overwhelming.

Have you ever been diagnosed with depression or anxiety? If things get worse it would be best to seek professional help. I will keep you in my prayers. Please continue to let us know how are you are doing. We are here for you.

Thank so much Kopper, Kiwicsi, and caring2018 for such a warm welcome and for taking time to reply to my post!

Luckily with my school's meal plan, we have "plant-forward dining," so there's no shortage of fresh fruits and vegetables. Although I eat pretty balanced meals and love produce, I find that the repetition in meals is weighing me down. Not only that, the meat and seafood dishes are often overcooked, underseasoned, and very difficult for me to swallow. I have no problems reducing my meat intake for the sake of the environment and my health, but I also find that the meals here have been dragging me down too.

I've found it difficult to find a place on campus for me to sit and work. All the libraries that I worked in during the summer have now been taken over by the vast sea of students during the regular session. The school definitely breeds a culture of over-achievers, so it's hard to find space anymore. I've never been one to study outside, but it's even more difficult to do now because all of my readings are online.

I have talked to the instructors in the classes that I am struggling the most in, and they have been so kind to give me advice on how they cope with their own anxiety. I know that the school also has different types of counseling sessions, including group therapy and other support groups catered to specific identities. I've been in therapy on and off for 12 years now, and I've always been so used to talking in a closed space one-on-one. Additionally, I find that it's hard to meet up with friends and acquaintances here because everyone is so overwhelmed by their own schedules, too. The school schedules mental wellness days and I make it a point to go out to those events.

I am trying my best to prioritize and write up to-do lists so that I can cross things out one by one. I do agree that I am overwhelmed, and I have suspected that I've burned myself out since coming here. Luckily, I do have an entire month off for winter break, but I really hope that's enough time to help me reset, recenter myself, and brace myself for a new semester.

I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but I've always opted not to take medication because I've had very bad experiences with them in the past. I really prefer to go the cognitive therapy route and work on my patterns of thinking in order to manage myself. But it's been hard because I've faced a lot of bureaucratic challenges from my school, my medical insurance, and even problems at home, and all of it weighs on me. I'd say that I'm not feeling that great today either, but I'm trying to take it one day at a time.

Thanks for taking the time to listen to me, it really means a lot.

I know it can be hard to try new things sometimes, but you will be doing yourself such a huge favor by trying out all the options your school has to offer as far as counseling and group therapy goes. It is such a great opportunity for you, one that I would have loved to use if I had the chance. The resources are there because there are tons of students feeling overwhelmed by the same things as you. It’s okaycto be afraid because you can’t be brave without being afraid. And try new things in general, whether new activites and groups and hobbies. Just put yourself out there and you will get more comfortable in your environment, and you will also learn to adapt to new situations. I know you will be okay.

I must say that you have a very positive attitude and it's good that you're being realistic and honest with yourself.

As regards medication, there have been advances in technology so it may be worth your while talking with your doctor/therapist to see if there is something that will help. But I would wait until your study and exams are behind you - this is definitely not the time to try something new like that! I take antidepressants daily and have been for over 20 years. It took a while to adjust but I now accept that it is what I need to address the chemical imbalance that causes the depression. If I were diabetic I would be taking insulin daily. Of course, if cognitive therapy etc works for you then go for it. You are the best judge of your body and mind and how well you cope with different solutions.

Breezy28, you are absolutely right. I have been so bogged down with trying to establish a routine in order to keep myself accountable that I've forgotten how nice it is to break routines. I just realized today that I haven't taken a little time to explore different routes to and from class in quite awhile now, and it felt great even just to make a little detour. It's definitely crunch time with the semester winding down, but I will try and make time to a group therapy session. If not this semester, then I'll do so next semester. Thank you for your encourage.

Kiwicsi, thanks so much for the compliment. I'm really trying my best to be practical about everything going on in order to minimize the amount of catastrophic thinking that I could start doing. But the more bumps that happen along the way, the more difficult it is to do this. The past couple of days have been a cascading string of downs. I am actually traveling over the weekend, but nearly forgot about my trip because of how busy and overwhelmed I've been with school and extracurriculars (this was planned months in advance with friends who live out-of-state). I should be more excited for my trip, but I'm anxious about not finishing my work in time for the deadlines that are coming up after I get back. I know that because of my procrastination and other bad habits, I've dug the very hole that I'm trying to crawl out of, but problems I didn't account for are just adding to my plate. I'm hoping to be able to be present while I'm gone, but I know by the time I get back, reality will hit me like a train.

You are rejecting the most common treatment for depression etc. I suggest you give medication another try.