Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Zanta 07/18/2013

So, I had this woman I was talking to and working on a relationship. We knew each other since 2007, but we stopped talking because I met my husband. Fast forward to 2013. We meet back up again. We were talking about a relationship, but we were waiting for my husband to get out of the picture so there wasn't anything serious there. Get the divorce over with and everything. Anyway, I know she is not entitled to wait for me, but she ended up finding someone. Now she wants me to continue to be her friend even. I told her I couldn't because I like her and I wanted to be the special someone in her life. Am I wrong to call off the friendship? This is really eating me away. I feel bad that I am acting self fish and don't care about her happiness because she found someone. All I can think of is that my chances with her are over. If I was to be her friend, I would end up sleeping with her or being a secret lover.

drew4lostluv 07/18/2013

You are doing the right thing. Don't accept anything less than anyone else would. You are a special person. Remember that. I had women try to pull that with me and I just don't play that game. She is basically trying to play you if you think she would still be intimate with you when she is with another and that is not acceptable.

deleted_user 07/18/2013

Don't think about it in terms of being a "bad" person. These are feelings, and you are entitled to yours. If you feel like being her friend would be settling for something less, and that you would be constantly wanting to be with her, then having a friendship isn't a good idea. It wouldn't benefit either of you.

You are not responsible for her happiness. That doesn't mean making her actively unhappy, of course, but you saying "no" to her is not an act of selfishness, it's saying "yes" to your own needs, which come first in this situation. You are not there to serve her needs.

Maybe in the future you will be able to find something with her. Maybe not. In the mean time you are entitled to grieve it, and then find someone else to be with.

deleted_user 07/18/2013

Also - jealousy is a legitimate feeling. If you feel jealous, accept it. It does not make you a bad person, or less than anyone else. It makes you human.

WalkinBuffaloMan 07/18/2013

Just my thoughts. If a friendship with her is only going to cause you more grief, then it's best to cut ties and mourn that loss. You have to look after you and do whats best for you and not worry about appeasing others.

deleted_user 07/18/2013

player cut it break ties been therer done that got fifty t shirts LOL

deleted_user 07/18/2013

secret lover is selling yourself very very short you deserve better so much better!!!!!!!! if it were real love she would have waited so so sorry

ThePepperMan 07/18/2013

I agree, if you want something very different from what the other person wants it is best to scale it WAY down. If not somebody is going to get hurt.

Gentle hugs

deleted_user 07/24/2013

I too agree, you made the right choice. You knew it would be a problem being friends and you accepted that and you did what you had to do by ending it and moving on.

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