Sounds like he's angry about something, not necessarily with you, and taking it out on you. If you've always felt he was supportive up until now, it sounds like he's projecting.

And being a bit mean if you ask me.!

I don't think any one really can say what will work for me. I have to seek that out for myself, and take the action or refrain from the action myself.

Besides, I am pretty sure if everyone on earth 'understood' my depressive episodes, I am the one who still has to live in the midst of them, and all that understanding does not address my depression.

"you messages" are not helpful. Unasked for advice is, for me, identical to criticism. I have been judged and criticized enough in my life. Even if someone "walks a mile in my shoes", that is one mile out of the hundreds of thousands I have walked; have yet to walk.

Sit with me. Love me. Just be with me. Nothing else is of any use at all.

Peace for your heart; if you read this, thanks for reading it.

@mi
z. I do believe there is some there. He is living with us and can't stand our living conditions. I just can't get motivated to take care of the house or myself for that matter. He thinks I'm not raising my daughter right. So I don't want to hear the negative stuff. It makes me feel worse.

@bob. Of course I would read every word. I read alot of your advice and rreally like the answers you give others. That is exactly how I've taken it. Unasked for advice is criticism!!

Thanks for both of your replies and I appreciate both the support and advice.

I've got this type of response from time to time from others. It is usually from people who aren't dealing with my issues or in my position. They care, but don't always understand.

There are times where I do make my issues worse and I can not deny that, but not always. So I take such remarks with a little balance consideration and seek other help and insight.

What I won't do ( anymore, ever ) is allow anyone to insult or judge me as a bad person, especially when I know they aren't right in it.

Thanks phoenix. He doesn't understand. Maybe he would deal with it that way. A mother doesn't want to hear anything negative about her child or about how I raise my child. Unless I ask for advice. Otherwise it is just hurtful. I know he basically cares. It was hard to hear him say I caused it. Yes I agree on some of my anxiety issues but it's just not that simple. Heck if it was that easy there would be less jobs for psychologists.

As an aside my daughter 2 major panic attacks in her elementary years where she had ended up in the hospital. She was diagnosed with panic attack. It was very frightening for her. She had graduated this year and is going into psychology.

So I do agree with you Phoenix and thank you for taking the time to give your insight and support

Well he's not being helpful is he? If you could think your way out of the anxiety and depression then you would. Its a no brainer.

I have a friend like that who thinks I should toughen up, when I too am a marshmallow. His comments make things worse.

Sounds like you'll need to stop talking to him about your problems if he doesn't understand. Have you someone else to confide in?

@darkened. I don't know if I can really confide in anyone. You're right. I was thinking maybe I was confiding too much. So in protecting myself I don't know if I should confide in someone else. I do have some very dear friends. A couple of them who would really listen. But I think they would tire of it or not understand it. They would really try though.

Hon. He has not walked in your shoes. And he is not your daughters parent. Wow. Some nerve. Tibet his coping skills are appropriate too huh? I think you know me well enough to know how I would feel about this situation and what I would say. Not sure why he lives with you but think that may be something to rethin? You know you have all of us to bounce ideas off of and I apologize for not being in touch as much lately. That will change this weekend.

Looking forward to taking. Hang in there, keep your chin up hon...

Hugs,
Jules

Lots of good stuff said here in response.
I agree with what you said that just because it works for someone else doesn't mean it will work with you.

You said that he can't stand your living conditions. Interesting...so why doesn't he move out or clean up? When you have anxiety/depression it is difficult to take care of things around you including yourself I have been guilty of that often in my life.

The people in my life all tell me that I too create my own crisis. And sometimes I do. I know I do....altho at times I also react badly (sometimes when I don't need too) over things that are not really mine to deal with. Sometimes the truth is things are as bad as they seem and I can't fix them and they are too big to deal with.

I sympathize with how you feel.
Just a question out of curiosity is there any truth to any of what he said? Could you look at it from the angle of --hmmm I might be able to think about that in a different way??

If the answer is no & what he said is crap...then you can let it go and move on. Its just his opinion and isn't the truth so you don't need to take it on.
Everyone has an opinion it doesn't mean we have to accept it.
Yes things people say can hurt but we don't have to keep replaying it, especially if it isn't' true for us.

I once had someone tel that in their day they just pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. I looked at her and said, "my bootstraps broke". Fortunately, she understood. Your friend is an idiot. The responses you've had give you a lot a great ideas and how to think about this situation.

@silly. He and my husband are good friends but our daughter comes first. My husband wasn't aware until I told him today. Our friend lives with us and has helped us do Reno's. He does work in exchange for room and board. And he also cooks 4 days a week.

@ Julie . even in thinking over what he said. Yes there is some truth in that I get anxious over stuff that others wouldn't. I sometimes find my mental illness crippling. That doesn't mean I should give up and not get help though. But he is not in my shoes so I was very sensitive to his comment.

Thanks everyone for your answers. I'm a very sensitive person on top of it all so that doesn't help. I didn't choose my anxiety/depression. I'm trying to understand it myself.

@ tiger. I love your answer . I'll remember that answer!

You're right, none of us choose to be anxious and depressed. Do others think we actually LIKE feeling like this?
I, too, loved Tigger's response to the bootstraps comment!!! I'll have to use that one on my family when they say the same thing!

Thanks bethel be. You're right. We don't choose this. I guess it's how we handle this. It's a long slow journey. As long as I keep going forward I guess.

Remember. You are a SURVIVOR! Not a VICTIM!!! Big hugs!