The posts on all this is all scatted and my memories not all that good. I tried to see if you journaled all of this to see if I could get a clearer picture but you hadn't. Can you go into it a bit so we can get a better picture?

ok, well i lost my job literaly 3 days before my b-day.before i had lost my job we were all ready struggling with finical issues.and then loosing my job has multiplied that ten fold. my wife has a long term illness so i am more of a caregiver than a wife lately.my son a year ago left home and has refused to speak to me. he is only 17.this was battle between me and my parents. we didnt speak much before and now since my son left we dont speak at all. i have no friends as they all left because between work and taking care of the wife i had no time for them. tests just came back from doctor. even though i am only 37 i have the strength of an 80 year old woman in my dominant hand. and surgery will 90% not fix that. so i am being encouraged to go on disability.which is less money than if i was working. i am a chef by trade. this is my life passion . the one thing in life that gives me the greatest joy and escape from reality. and i cant do it anymore. its too hard. my hands wont let me.my wife and i have been fighting like crazy past few days. over the stupidest things.like household chores heck even an actor on tv. and last night she asked me to leave. so when i say there is nothing left i truly mean there is nothing left in life worth living for anymore. people say just find a new job. do something else in life. cooking is my passion.it is like i said my greatest joy. whenever things got really bad i could just lock myself in my kitchen and cook and it would make me feel so much better. i would loose track of time and just forget everything else and just escape to where life was wonderful.and i cant do that anymore.and my wife my soul mate is gone now too. its all gone.

I'm so sorry you are going through all this.
I can relate to you!
Since December of 2012 I have had major heartache as well. I lost my 5 year relationship to my best friend and what I thought was my life partner forever. I lost my animals, my home, my money, my job, both my grandparents and my best friend within 3 months. I was earlier misdiagnosed with cancer and treated with chemotherapy which has left me with hormonal problems that put my breast cancer risk even higher. My sister has just gotten over her round of chemo and losing her breasts, my mother had a stroke, I moved from North Dakota to New York, I came out and started a new relationship with the woman of my dreams, but she has past issues that make trust very difficult. I had to leave my animal , all my friends and my family behind. My Grandmother who is like my mother, is dying and she barely remembers me. I lost my job due to a kidney problem and diabetes even though I can't eat and am at 96 lbs now.
I apologize for so much detail and even though your struggle may be larger than mine, I can hear you hurting and I feel for you!

But I want you to know that I had a moment. A moment when it became clear that no matter what kind of life I try to lead, If I am not at my best for myself....I will never be at my best with anyone or for anyone.

2nd half--
You truly deserve happiness. You may not always think that because let's be honest, we see so much now a day all these horrible people getting what they want so easily and it feels like we have to struggle and we do, just to get hand to mouth!

Can I ask , what honestly is your diet like, exercise regimen (if time allots), and sleep pattern?

I only ask because I have honestly had AMAZING RESULTS with certain treatments for depression :)

I'll be saying a good word and energy vibe for you today for sure!

well diet sucks. cause i am too damn broke to eat alot.being a chef i used to eat very well. healthy foods and fresh and home cooked. now well, its whatever i can manage to afford at the grocery store. my exercise is also not as good as it used to be. i live in northern ontario canada and its bloody cold out. when i get motivated i run on my treadmill until im exhausted. and i sleep way too much.. but thank you for your words.sounds like you have alot on your plate as well. im sorry to hear that.

I'm the worst one to ask on relationship advice but do you think she ended it because she feels a burden to you? Was my first take on it anyway and she would only do that if she really cared for you.

Your son will come around he just has some growing up to do first. That's from a son who's not talking to his mother either.

A qualified chef and with passion. Shit the world is your oyster! We all need to eat it's a endless demand. So many options there start your own restaurant. Nothing wrong with just hiring teen kitchen hands and barking out orders that's how the fast food chains make money. Write recipes books. honestly the list is endless..


When life gives you lemons make grape juice and watch the world wonder how you did it!

my dream is own my own restaurant. but takes money to make money. hope my son comes around. and yeah im sure she left because she feels a burden. i just need to make all this right again