I know what you mean. I feel like everyone I care about leaves me. It's hard not to blame myself. I feel like a monster sometimes. It sucks, feeling like this and it does feel like it never ends. I want you to know that there are people out there who you don't even know about who care deeply about you though. Don't give up even though it is hard. I've been where you are. I have been fighting so hard for happiness. Find a reason to live and stick with it. It sounds like your dog gives you motivation so hang onto that and build from it. I don't have many real friends either so if you want to be my friend please message me if you need to talk.

I have often felt the same as you. I'm on three meds and there are times in which they don't seem to penetrate my depression, despair, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. And yes, sometimes I have kept going because of my dog. Did you know that you can walk into any hospital and say you are having suicidal thoughts and they will admit you as a patient? Tell your dr. your meds aren't working, you need something different or stronger. But suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know how it feels: the depression cannot possibly ever lift. But it does. I will pray for you.

I am so sorry. I as well have been where you are. It's a terrible place. But try to remember it's the depression that is making you feel all your negative thoughts. I know it's not very comforting but it will eventually pass. Depression is very hard. But remember try not to be hard on yourself, it's not your fault. I feel that depression tells us lies if you will about our selves and others but they simply are not true. We are here for you and support you in your time of despair. You are not alone like you feel. We are here.

I have had similar feelings before, so you are not alone. It's funny how I once thought no one cared or noticed my suffering, but once I started reaching out for help, people surprised me with how much they really did/do care. A lot of times people don't know what to do or say, or they don't want to intrude or be pushy, so it may seem that they don't care or want to help, when really they are just waiting for an invitation or to be told what they can do to help. Maybe you could try reaching out to someone. A neighbor, an old friend, family, church member, anyone. You don't have to tell them what's going on with you, if you aren't ready, just make contact, go out for coffee or something. It's so important to be around people. Or call a crisis hotline. Sometimes it really helps to talk to a complete stranger. You can tell them things you might not be able tell anyone else bc you never have to see them again. Maybe even try going to a support group in real life. If nothing else, remember there are people on here who care about you. I care very much. The other commenters obviously care a lot. I know death can seem like your only way out of the pain, but there are options. As others have stated, in addition to reaching out to others, you can talk to your doc about your meds, talk to your therapist, or go to the hospital. If your meds and therapy aren't working, try a different one. Maybe your therapist is not the best fit for you or maybe you need to tell them you want to try some different therapies. Look for some therapy books that appeal to you and maybe try to apply just one small thing. That's key for me, when I feel overwhelmed and have a relapse and I feel like all of the habits/coping skills I've learned are just too much for me to handle, just finding one tiny thing that I can do. For me, it's usually listening to music or writing in my journal. And then add another small thing, like going on a short walk.

Anyway, I just want you to know, that even though you feel like no one would care if you were not here, that is just a lie that your depression is telling you. I can speak from personal experience, that suicide is just about the most devastating thing that can happen to a family/social group. It shatters the world of everyone who knows and cares about you (whether you know they do or not) in a way that you cannot imagine. You matter and the world would be much worse off if you were not in it. You have so much to offer. Please, please, please, take that first step and ask for help. I will be thinking of you.

I feel so awful today, too. Worthless, a burden to everyone, no purpose in life, people would be better off without me. I've had low grade depression my whole life, but still worked and did things ordinary people do. BUT NOTHING HELPS. I should be elated now. My husband(age 71) had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery 6 weks ago. He started cardiac rehab today. I should have been pleased, thankful he's alive, instead I was jealous that again, he has meaningful things to do. But I was jealous.JEALOUS THAT my dear husband is alive enough, and full time working after his attack. What is wrong with me? What really blew my mind was in answer to the questions he was asked, he has NEVER ben depressed, just distracts himself from stress, never even had a headache, IN 30 YEARS, no numerous hospitalizations like me, no mental problems, etc. What is wrong with me??? The little black cloud over my head NEVER goes away, just turns into a thunderstorm now and then. I take meds. they do work. I could write for hours, but I guess whoever is reading this gets the picture. I'm 75 and do do a lot of activities. What is wrong with me????!!!!

I feel so awful today, too. Worthless, a burden to everyone, no purpose in life, people would be better off without me. I've had low grade depression my whole life, but still worked and did things ordinary people do. BUT NOTHING HELPS. I should be elated now. My husband(age 71) had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery 6 weeks ago. He started cardiac rehab today. I should have been pleased, thankful he's alive, instead I was jealous that again, he has meaningful things to do. But I was jealous. JEALOUS THAT my dear husband is alive, and full time working after his attack. What is wrong with me? What really blew my mind was in answer to the questions he was asked, he has NEVER been depressed, just distracts himself from stress, never even had a headache, IN 30 YEARS, no numerous hospitalizations like me, no mental problems, etc. What is wrong with me??? The little black cloud over my head NEVER goes away, just turns into a thunderstorm now and then. I take meds. They do work. I could write for hours, but I guess whoever is reading this gets the picture. I'm 75 and do do a lot of activities. What is wrong with me????!!!!

Thank you for all the replies. I do appreciate them.

Today was just another bad day with more bad news for me....and having to keep it together at work until I finally made it home was so hard. I just want to hide away from the world.

Hang in there. I know things will eventually get better for you.

Sending you hugs and prayers, MissyJJ. I’m so sorry you’re facing such a difficult time. Since you mentioned your meds are not effective, would it help to consult with your doctor for a change in medication? Please don’t give up on yourself. God bless you!

Hello Missy,
I am sorry to hear that things are difficult for you. I am so glad that you sought the help of a physician and are getting therapy. It might be a good idea to talk to your physician about the way that you are feeling. I agree with LastAcorn, it may also be a good idea to ask about the medication that you are on. Sometimes it takes a couple of visits to the doctor to get the right medications to help.
I am glad that you know that your dog cares about you. Know that there are people who care about you and most of all God cares about you. Psalm 139:16 in the Message Bible puts it this way:Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.
Praying that you feel His love surrounding you in a special way.

Also, if you feel like you need someone to talk to, try the national suicide prevention hotline, they have people who will talk to you over the phone and also have an instant messaging service. Your life matters.:)
God bless.

I totally understand what you are feeling, I also feel like I am a waste of space and of a life. I am alive but I don't live. I have a loving family but no friends, no kids, no man, no life. I only have work and thats it. I also have a condition called alopecia in which the body attacks your own hair follicles. This condition has left me completely bald and I have no hair on my body. My hopes of finding a boyfriend were lost when I lost my hair. I hope both of us find mental healing. I believe that there is a reason all of us are here. I am sending you hugs.