Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Is it time to say Good-bye?

mspoeticjm
mspoeticjm
What happens when you come to a place where you're at peace? And I don't mean peace in a good way. I mean peace with things always being jacked up, and you finally decided on your course of action. You came up with a plan, and decided to execute that plan. You visited loved ones & spent those last days with them & told them that you love them. You laughed & clowned around, so they will remember the good times they had with you. You wanted to leave a warm, lasting impression, and you finally told yourself, it's time to say good-bye.

Realistically speaking, I'm at a dead end. I'm tired of being on this road that leads to nowhere. I've missed my stop a long time ago, but I thought there was hope, so I kept on driving. I was hoping that one day, the road would lead me to freedom, happiness, & prosperity. I was hoping for a rescue, but I realized there is NO rescue. I feel like I'm stranded in the middle of the Atlantic surrounded by killer whales & great white sharks, and I can't get out, & no one is even looking for me. What is this talk about people will miss me when I'm gone? If I don't feel loved now, what is telling me that I should continue feeling like this? I reached out for help, but I'm always the one providing the HELP. So, what happens when the help needs help?

What has set off this episode of depression this time? Well, for starters, my providers are walking around like incompetent arrogant buttholes! They say the MOST insensitive, inconsiderate things without regard to my feelings. I am HUMAN last time I checked. But then things came full circle when my car lender advised me that if they do NOT receive a car payment by tomorrow, they will be coming for it! I just can't allow that to happen & still maintain a happy, healthy outlook on life. I know it's not the end of the world, but it would be the end of my world. There is nobody, so how would I make it to the doctors, grocery store, work (whenever I find a job), pick up medications (evidently that I seriously need), and anywhere else I need to go? I'm not on a bus line! Then, rent is super late & I'm going to be served with eviction papers next week. I can't pay anything! I can't afford to live, honestly! So, why don't I do the community a favor & say good-bye?
travelgal8605
travelgal8605
Oh MsPoeticJM, please reconsider. Have you considered talking to someone about this? I know Focus on the Family has a free counseling line (855-771-HELP). It might be worth giving them a call. Also, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline operates toll-free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Just call 1-800-273-TALK. Please seek help. Your life is valuable and though it doesnt feel like it right now there is hope. There are ways through overwhelming bills and steps you can take towards freedom. Youre in my thoughts and prayers.

travelgal8605
Im in love with cities Ive never been to and people Ive never met.
mspoeticjm
mspoeticjm
I have reconsider. I am seeking help now! I have made contact with that line in the past & a local outreach program but they insisted on having me committed against my will which ultimately cost me a job which infuriated me beyond words. If my biggest complaint is about financial issues, then there is NOT an option NOT to work. I'm not saying that working would cure my depression, but it would take away some of my financial burdens. I have so much on my plate, I just don't know what to do. I thought this site would be helpful & safe. What are the options? I don't want to see a hospital right now. They treat me like crap. Thanks for your thoughts & prayers!
eshaw
eshaw
I am so grateful you read my post and I really do hope it brings you some hope to get through this. I too am unemployed, and am struggling financially, psychologically, spiritually, every way possible. After my counselor apt yesterday I left completely hopeless and worthless and these feelings festered all day until I believed my only option was to kill myself, because I see no hope of things changing. Thankfully I did get online with a suicide chat site and it helped for a while, but what truly helped was a friend here on DS. I was truly irrational and its hard to realize how much depression can take from you when you're experiencing it. I cried myself to sleep, and trust me I hadn't cried in years. Sometimes the pain is too intense and can no longer be denied or ignored. I hope you find a way to release all the pain, FEAR and hopelessness you are feeling today. Though it may not be gone tomorrow, there will be less intense moments. Please don't give up!
eshaw
eshaw
P.S. I'm here if you need to chat, I learned last night how important it is to have support in times like this. You're not alone. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? lol. Don't let this kill you. You are strong. I know this because you struggle with depression, depression is not for the weak of heart.
mspoeticjm
mspoeticjm
Thank you for your understanding. I was almost afraid to respond to your post because it made me think I was being too blunt with my post, but that's how I'm feeling. And you're right, the emotions get so intense, you sometimes take over! I don't want it to take over again. I've been down this road before & it wasn't pleasant. I'm trying to prevent myself from repeating the same mistakes & not paying attention to the warning signs. I seriously thought if I could make until my niece's graduation, then I did my part! I'm not needed anymore. My work on Earth is done & it's time to end this suffering, but although she just graduated from high school, she still calls me & ask for advice. Maybe, my niece (my boo bear) still needs me! Maybe there's more work to do, but I don't know what it is. Yes, I really need some support, some emotional support at the very least. I thank God in advance for you & your words of encouragement. It took courage to share your experience & it helped me. Now, I don't feel like I'm in this thing alone. You know the struggle is real!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Depression sucks so does drug and alcohol dependency.(drugs I mean street drugs, illegal drugs etc) I am dependent on medicine prescribed by a doctor. A lot of people in recovery want to make me feel guilty for needing meds but I won't let them. I tried for years and years to do without them. I tried lots of meds that didn't work for me until I find one that did. I was suicidal for years and started my life at 18 yrs. OD where I worked at a pharmacy. I tried several more times while drinking and cursed life and God every time I came to and found out I was still alive..
if you are on medication it's obviously not helping. having a car isn't keeping you happy and healthy as you say or you wouldn't be
talking or thinking about suicide.
I've seen many mangled recovering alcoholics. One tried to shoot himself but lived w/o a nose and a mouth. Another one that while drunk wandered out in front of a moving vehicle and lost both arms.
All things can be overcome with God's help. If you try to kill yourself there is no guarantee you'll make it. You might make your situation worse. Do you have a counselor or, therapist ?
so what if you go to the hospital for help- it's better than having someone commit you . If you truly are sick and tired of feeling like you do you may have to do something different than you are. Only you can make the first move. Nobody can wave a magic wand and make it happen for you. Talk to people, keep talking until you get some solutions.
God be with you.
eshaw
eshaw
I can really relate to having a set time to live until. I keep thinking if I can just make it until my daughter is 18, then I will have succeeded. It drives me to keep pushing forward, yet there are times when the depression takes the lead and I am holding on by a thread. Hearing you mention your niece and how she still needs you scares me a little, but I know its the truth. They never stop needing us. It sounds like you have been one of her greatest supports in her life, and she'll always need you. I hope you can keep holding on, for her! What else do you love in your life?
Heidiclark
Heidiclark
Yes do think about your boo bear and how much she needs you. And you're right that there is more for you to do in this life. Hold on to those things. Let those positive thoughts become stronger and stronger. Keep sharing here with us and give yourself a chance to get to know people here dn find out how much they understand what you are going through. You are not alone. Take it one day at a time and if that's too much just take it moment to moment. Just focus on what you can do for now.
travelgal8605
travelgal8605
Im so glad to hear youve reconsidered and have sought help. Its understandable about not wanting to have to lose money by going to an inpatient treatment. You are a cared for and loved.

travelgal8605
Im in love with cities Ive never been to and people Ive never met.
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