I have been ruled by fear most of my life. Your feeling of fear of the unknown sounds totally normal. Maybe you have a combination of fear and excitement. You are very blessed to have this opportunity.

They say courage is acting in spite of fear. You are very brave.

Good luck!!!! (((((HUGS)))))

heatherhurts

Hmm.. Maybe the two are the same, but I know I've had fear of changing.. Fear of overcoming things that I know I needed to dig down deep in order to get to, for that change to happen.. I don't think what you're feeling is abnormal in the slightest. There's a lot that has to go on in order to get the help you need and in order to get better.. I hope that with the clinic stay you'll be able to overcome any obstacles getting in your way of your happiness.

I am in a similar situation. I'm 24 and have been depressed since I was 13. Mine has gotten a lot worse in the last 2 year's, as well. I want so badly to get better, but at the same time, I don't. It's like you said, I fear it. I think it's because that means, things will change. I have always feared change, good or bad. I'm miserable, but it's like I've become so comfortable with it. It's familiar and it's all that I know. I have always feared having to get used to something different and new. Unfortunately, that's life though. Nothing stays the same. Change can be scary, but sometimes, it's the best thing for us.

These feelings are normal. When we suffer from depression for so long it becomes our "normal" so while we do not want to feel this way the idea of change can be a little scary because it's all we know. Just keep focusing on what it will be like to be free from the bonds of depression!

Good luck and keep us updated!

Thanks everyone for the messages of support!! I am committed to getting better, even though I am scared and it will be hard and I have hardly any strength left. I will use that last strength to put into myself for once. I have been in a relationship with an addict for 7 years , he recently got sober and a week ago broke up with me. I realise now I have been putting all of me into that relationship and getting him better, It is my turn now.

Canaan, haha :D it is a lion cubs paw, still going to get a LOT bigger!

I think you are fearful of the unknown because the "here and now" which is a depressed state of mind, is all you have felt for so long. Are you afraid that when you are no longer depressed, no one will care about you anymore? Have you become so dependant on the actions and reactions from people in person and online for sooo long, that you are afraid that they will suddenly stop being your friends?

I hope and pray this is not the case, because the friends you have made here and at home, will be ecstatic that you are finally happy with yourself. Once you are joyful about your life, you will be able to give your experienced insight to others who are still living with depression.

You have all my hopes and prayers for your full recovery. May God bless you and keep you today and for the rest of eternity.

Your friend,

Karen

Karen, I don't think that is what I am scared of, I am the type of person who keeps most of this inside - even when I talk to my mom about it I will usually lie and make it sound much better than what I really feel. I have also only been writing about it her online recently, and if I get better I will continue to talk to help others, so I don't think that is what I am afraid of. I can't really put it into words or explain exactly why I am scared. Probably like Enchant said, knowing that I will have to dig deep through all my emotions and acknowledge some difficult things in therapy. Like TheLonelyOne17 says, I have maybe become comfortable and so familiar with this feeling.