Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
ok...so twice now...on two seperate occassions I have tried to post this "update" thingy...let me see if i can do it now...
i don't think it's depression but then again what do I know right? ... well here is the situation...i went through a bout of depression back in 2008/09... and it was pretty bad...but with a lot of prayer, research, and support from this site...i got over it...and i realized what i had to do...and i realized how to do it. ... and I DID IT!...and I am still doing it...but ... well ...now I've come to a place where I think maybe I'm doing to much...
you see, I am a perfectionist...but...I am also a procrastinator...and over the last few years I have found that those two traits don't work to good together...I can multitask with the best of them...but what i find is that I tend to give the easy task which is a lower priority task for me (like work/money) my best...and end up failing at the harder task which is a higher priority for me (like my education)...and this tendency is not conducive to my overall goals in life. ...so then...after failing I get to feeling this depressed kind of feeling which reduces me to a lazy, sleeping, tv watching "depressed recluse" which is where I am now and where I have been for the last 10 days!...
I have been trying to muster up the energy to go to work...but I can't ... I start classes on the 17th...and I look forward to that...but right now, I do anything to stay away from work...I did the same thing last semester and I still failed my classes...because i felt like such a failure for not wanting to go to work...but now I feel like an even bigger failure for failing my classes...so you see.. i seem to be in a never ending cycle of failure which leads to a never ending cycle of depression...yet ... i don't think it's really depression...it's just me!...i want my cake and I want to eat it too..but I realize I can't ! I have an innate desire to be challenged...I'm challenged in school...I'm not challenged at work...but I have to work...everyone does, right? but I don't want too... I just want to learn...learn everything I can...UGH...
as you can see, i am just venting and raving...and fighting this decision that i have to make about whether or not to go back to work? ...I have lived on a $270/month budget for the last 3 years (but that will end in June of this year) and don't really "need to work"...I have a home, transportation, and food...I have everything I need...and I am so much happier when I don't worry about money...money does not motivate me...it just makes me angry and sad...all i want to do is learn so why do i keep buying into this idea that I have to work to have money? ...oh god there I go again...venting and not making any sense...
please...someone tell me what my problem is...am I depressed, again...or what...God, i just want to go back to being truly happy again!
Well?
i don't think it's depression but then again what do I know right? ... well here is the situation...i went through a bout of depression back in 2008/09... and it was pretty bad...but with a lot of prayer, research, and support from this site...i got over it...and i realized what i had to do...and i realized how to do it. ... and I DID IT!...and I am still doing it...but ... well ...now I've come to a place where I think maybe I'm doing to much...
you see, I am a perfectionist...but...I am also a procrastinator...and over the last few years I have found that those two traits don't work to good together...I can multitask with the best of them...but what i find is that I tend to give the easy task which is a lower priority task for me (like work/money) my best...and end up failing at the harder task which is a higher priority for me (like my education)...and this tendency is not conducive to my overall goals in life. ...so then...after failing I get to feeling this depressed kind of feeling which reduces me to a lazy, sleeping, tv watching "depressed recluse" which is where I am now and where I have been for the last 10 days!...
I have been trying to muster up the energy to go to work...but I can't ... I start classes on the 17th...and I look forward to that...but right now, I do anything to stay away from work...I did the same thing last semester and I still failed my classes...because i felt like such a failure for not wanting to go to work...but now I feel like an even bigger failure for failing my classes...so you see.. i seem to be in a never ending cycle of failure which leads to a never ending cycle of depression...yet ... i don't think it's really depression...it's just me!...i want my cake and I want to eat it too..but I realize I can't ! I have an innate desire to be challenged...I'm challenged in school...I'm not challenged at work...but I have to work...everyone does, right? but I don't want too... I just want to learn...learn everything I can...UGH...
as you can see, i am just venting and raving...and fighting this decision that i have to make about whether or not to go back to work? ...I have lived on a $270/month budget for the last 3 years (but that will end in June of this year) and don't really "need to work"...I have a home, transportation, and food...I have everything I need...and I am so much happier when I don't worry about money...money does not motivate me...it just makes me angry and sad...all i want to do is learn so why do i keep buying into this idea that I have to work to have money? ...oh god there I go again...venting and not making any sense...
please...someone tell me what my problem is...am I depressed, again...or what...God, i just want to go back to being truly happy again!
Well?
it was work (and my IT Tech position at a local credit union) that led to my first bout with depression...and it was being laid off from a job i had for 11 years that led to my obesity...so why, then, do i keep putting myself into a working position? when I don't have to? and what should i do? what would you do?
well?
ok...I'm going to bed for real now...goodnight...and see y'all tomorrow!
My professor in college showed me all his paper before he wrote his final draft to show me imperfections are going to happen :-). I think you are possibly scared you will fail but I would not let it stop you :-). Unfortunately most everyone has to work to gain income. Personalreact is not really about making money but accomplishing something for myself and being able to rely on myself ;-) that is my motivator.
After I retire from where I'm at right now I am seriously thinking about getting a degree. Possibly even in the mental health field.Anyway I will be looking at grants that can help with the expenses associated with doing that.
As I haven't seriously investigated anyhting yet I don't know what may or may not be available. But hey it's worth a try.I wish you all the best. (((( Hugs ))))
If you can't eat the cake why want it. I mean what does one do throw the cake....?
My used to B definition of work..."The eight to ten hour vacation I take every day from the family...." Current definition...." I need something to do today...."
luck with your classes, and have fun at work.....
Hang in there hon. sometimes you have to walkthrough the fire to get to the light.