Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Sorry if I'm posting in the wrong area. The actual topic for spouses with depression has 3 posts in 3 years...no one there. This is all very new to me. My wife had a horrible un speakable childhood that has left her thinking nothing is fixable and giving up seems the best answer. She's an amazing creative person. But I'm not sure I'm the best thing for her. We've been married 4 years and have a 3 year old. A great life, house, and everything you could want... except peace. I feel as if I'm her trigger as much as I'm her savior. I'm always there for her and with complete understanding and devotion. I mainly raise our daughter as she works from home. We are together all day and it's honestly the best. But while I'm am incredibly patient and caring with her. Whenever I slip just a little I am made the enemy. I'm yelled at, told I'm a complete idiot, the reason for everything bad, blamed, told to leave, that she should have known better then to marry me...I know...I hope this is just the disease talking. As when she's beating her depression I'm her only friend, her angel, her best everything... But the bad definitely out weighs the good. The hardest part is when I'm being blamed I can't speak to her. She just doesn't care. Shuts me out and tells me to leave...and believe me it can get BAD if I don't...like doing anything to sabotage our relationship. How can I help her if I can't do anything? If I'm shut out. I know patients is key. And I have a ton...lol but man is it hard. How do others deal with this? With being the one who holds everything together while simultaneously being blamed and feeling useless? I'm starting to develop anxiety not knowing what the next trigger will be...or what "version" I'll get when I see her...
Thanks to all that listen...
It can be incredibly difficult to cope with a bad childhood, and depression on top of it all. You're a good person for being patient and reaching out to see if there's anything more you can do to help. It sounds like she's not coping very well, and that's not necessarily your fault. Maybe she doesn't know how to cope anymore. Unfortunately, for many of us, people in our lives don't realize how bad the problem is or how deep it goes until we start doing things that are "off," and maybe we don't even know it.
Maybe she's telling you to leave because she's worried about hurting you. Maybe she can see what she's doing and doesn't know what else to do. I doubt she really wants you to go, but she's stuck. Again, you're kind for being patient with her.
Would family counseling or couples counseling be an option? It sounds like you could both use some help in communicating about the issues.
I've said this before, but I still think it holds true: you're married. Try to always remember that it's not you vs her, but it's you and her vs the problem.
Good luck. I hope things improve for you.
I would say, THERAPY, THERAPIST and NOW, NOW, NOW!
It's a judgement call what you want to do. Put up with it and 'hope for the best' or get out of it.
I see this as one or the other.