Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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IF YOU DONT WANT TO KNOW.

sixtyplus
sixtyplus
DONT ASK.

Why do people seem to expect a positive reply when they bounce up to you and say How are you?!!! No one knows what kind of day the other person is having; especially when they dont even know each other.

I work in a small liquor store and for most of the month of March I was consumed with worry and anxiety over my daughters terminal illness, just waiting for that call, and trying to keep busy. When customers came in I would greet them and they would always say How are you?

I would often try to ignore the question, and they would say it again, louder. The third time I would say I am not well then they would want to know why and I would say My daughter is dying or I buried my daughter this week

2 people out of about 200 gave me a hug. The rest acted like I had insulted them,.
SweetPetite
SweetPetite
The insensitivity of people never ceases to amaze me. Only once in a blue moon will you meet someone who truly cares and will try to help you. At least that's my experience. Big hugs to you. We all know what a terrible time you are going through. I keep you in my prayers every day.
Empathy66
Empathy66
Sounds like the kind of thing us British pple do, its asked out of politeness and also as a greeting type thing like hello, but no one actually wants to hear how you are, most pple will say "fine thanks" when actually they are not.
People who love and care for us do want to know "how you are" They can be told the truth.
My customers who ask ....Tell a white lie "fine thanks!"
After all lets face it, they dont really want to know, they are just being polite.
Save your emotions and honesty for those who care : )
1bummedout
1bummedout
Hugs of support
gramybear
gramybear
I think it has been ingrained in our minds to ask people how they are. I don't think it's to be cruel or nosy, it's just a natural first question. I just say, You got an hour?? Or you really don't want to know do you? I would prefer a simple hello unless they truly want to know. Hugs
bridgie101
bridgie101
This is a hard one for me, as my mother never asked how I was, frequently complained that no-one asked how she was, but when asked would give chilling looks and ask if we really meant it and really cared or if we were just. . . So I have a bad reaction. Even if my foot is sawn off I alway reply with 'great' or 'never better'. A lie? Of course it's a lie. But the truth is complicated, and embarrassing and hurts. There is only one thing worse than them not wanting to know. That's them wanting more and more information and asking stupid questions till you want to scream.

When you are at work you have to lie and say you're fine. Telling the truth will turn it all into a nightmare and at least if you pretend to be okay you can pretend to be happy for a few minutes.
Desigol1979
Desigol1979
Usually, here in Ireland, we ask people, "How's the form?" as if they're racehorses. :)

Usually I'm fine; as in Fidgety, Insecure, Neurotic and Edgy. :)
SweetPetite
SweetPetite
I like that one Desi! Gotta remember that!! Glad to see you back!
billwfriend
billwfriend
my FINE is fucked insecure neurotic emotional....little more edgy than Desi....

yup this question is common as is how are you doing? Like they want to know....and for while when I was sick in head to me how are you doing meant are you getting any sex? LOL I just couldn't handle that question at that time...I was not doing anyone! LOL I would have been doing really well if she was a bombshell blonde babe! LOL
gramybear
gramybear
Good one BillW. That makes me think that the next time someone asks me, I'm just going to say, "depressed and neurotic, and you?"
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
Had somebody ask me the other day how my dad was. I was inclined to say "Still dead", but they really did not know.

I am ready to take his box of ashes to the bank if they ever give me trouble again about his accounts.
Heidiclark
Heidiclark
When I was really depressed I got really fed up with cashiers at the drive through of Taco Bell. I hated that they felt compelled to tell me their name and ask me how I was doing.

Also at a job we are expected to be professional and act a certain way. Not an easy thing to do in your situation.
Diane-M
Diane-M
i mostly answer truthfully. And a lot of the time i am not fine. Which may explain why a lot of people don't seem to want anything to do with me anymore. But sometimes I just say "good days and bad days" because then they feel like their question has been answered...you know..like they have done their duty by asking and can then end the conversation.
Trudilu
Trudilu
As the other here have said; it is just ingrained in us to ask that Question as a greeting. It's polite. Personally, I hate it myself, because I've been asked that Question during very hard times, and well, I just don't answer because I know they don't really want to know.

They don't mean anything rude by it, but I understand your sensitivity at this time when it is asked. I've said 'you want the truth or the polite answer' - or sometimes I have said - you just don't want to know.

It's hard when people around you are happy and greet you with a big smile, at a time when your drowning in your own tears. I get it. And, I do care.
enigmaticloner
enigmaticloner
Yea I hate that as well, people just do it to be "polite" but it's really just fake usually and I hate that. I don't ask someone how they are unless I genuinely want to know, or if they ask me first then I will do so in return usually. As far as greeting random strangers just say hello or hi if that's all you're trying to get across. I especially hate it when I'm going to a doctor office or something of that manner, it's like they expect me to say I'm feeling great, but if that were the case I wouldn't be in their office in the first place.
Heidiclark
Heidiclark
Wow, I have to agree about the doctors office.
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