I have written at least five letters to her, unsure which one will get them: will it be my-wife or will it be the protector? I guess, in a way it does not matter which one gets them, but if it is the protector, I'm pretty sure they end up in the oval file before they're even opened. This takes into account that the SS Guard (jr Gestapo Bitch), "the landlady" (long time friends of my-wife doesn't take the letters and tosses them, just for the hell of it.  SS Guard and her P**ckhead son, they knew her a while back, the first time my-wife had this issue happen---and they could not see any difference in her.  Stupid, uneducated, people, or maybe they just don't understand anything.  Anyway SS Guard thinks she can "control" her, which is a laugh, the protector won't let anybody control her and she's a damn good faker, even if she is part of the whole delusion.

So I have absolutely no money.  Long story as to why that came to be, especially since I was supposed to have some coming in each month. That didn't happen, thanks to the protector.

As if my life isn't crap already: no money, can't buy my cigars, can't get online much, no friends, can't find friends, can find a job, can't get SSI right now...can't can't can't...with a don't tossed in there like an unwanted rotten tomato slice.  I don't even have a lady friend to have a conversation with, or hang out with or be intimate with.  It's just all bullshit.

Every morning is the exact same as the previous, well, ok, close enough. I once used the plot of Groundhog Day...you know, where Bill Murray's character wakes up every morning to the same day?  Well I'm not as lucky as that character, at least he has adventures every day and gets a chance to learn something and in the end, it turns out all cool, he's learned the lessons, became enlightened and also wins the woman.

Why not me?

Slammed at least three times a week.  It's like a solid "no" as a wall.  I was on Youtube not long ago, came across Quiet Riot song, I liked that band, even though I'm more into rock...their song Bang Your Head...yeah, I bang my head, but not for pleasure or enjoyment and it's not me that wants to do it.  I finally get maybe a step or two ahead and then, a wall, and I bang my head.

Most recent is this one: a few years back, I went into the local Social Security office to apply for disability. I didn't qualify because I miss one credit (basically equals a month 1/2 or two months of work)...so I decided to go for my SSI. The rude SocSec woman then, without telling us squat about it, "combined" us to my wife's case.  That was a big mistake.  We didn't know what it was all about and dummy us, we just bought into it.

Anyway, so I go into the local office. The guy says I can't do it cuz I am still on her case. I say "remove me," and he looks at me as if I am suggesting I want to have my way with his sister...he tells me I can't do "shit"...leaving that word as a near-silent hiss.

Seems like the only person who can remove me from my wife's case is my wife.  But who and where is my wife?  I don't know. I know where she lives, where we used to live.  So I wrote five letters, each one with something on the outside, telling her what it was about and please read.  I don't know if she read them.

So F...here I am, deserving to have a life and not just to survive it. I deserve my SSI, I put, no, SS taxes were removed from my pay for the time I worked, so I'd have it when I needed it.  But if you haven't noticed, SSA fights everybody, it's our F'n money, why should we have to fight for it, when we need it? Stupid, god-like meglomaniac government agency. I wonder if their own workers have to fight to get their disability or SSI?  Would be poetic justice.

Now I have to find an attorney. I thought I had, but I didn't. How much harder will it make it, if they have to send an official letter to tell her to go to the local office and remove me?  That is the only way she will do it, getting an official letter.  No wait, divorce.

I have issues about divorcing her...I mean which one will it be, that I am divorcing?

I'd prefer her to divorce me, well, not really, but it is obvious, right?

I need an F'n attorney who is honest, trustworthy and isn't some dumbass who won't return calls. I need one who looks at this case and says, "Yeah, I can do that..." I mean, there isn't even a big issue about this, just send an official letter, tell her she needs to remove me, give her a time limit.  If she doesn't do it within that time, then we have a bang-your-head moment...but can be taken care of by the attorney.

I am tired of banging my head, I'd rather bang something---someone---else. lol

Ah come'on, the only fun, the only pleasure I have left, which drags me out of all the depression, etc is my "pervert" attitude and thoughts of a better day (or night)...give me a break and if you are in the Houston area, got any suggestions on an attorney who has balls, even if it is a woman attorney?

I need help.