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i will never be good enough

sunsets1386
sunsets1386
Never will I seclude myself from friends and family who truly love and care about me. I question everyone in my life who is nice to me, what is their motive, what are they really thinking, etc. I had to work from 7am til 4 today, then babysit tonight and the parents rushed home at 11:30 so I could spend midnight with my boyfriend.. my boyfriend is at some house party and I haven't heard back from him since 10... the fact they rushed home combined with his careless attitude combined with me being alone for every holiday this year has really got me down. I spent midnight crying into my steering wheel about how I know it will never be right between us or make eachother happy, yet I can't let go. I would've done anything to make it work. He's out getting drunk flirting with girls probably, even though he swears he doesn't talk to girls. I sound so naive, sorry ffor the negativity, I have to be at work tomorrow morning, well today and i just want to shut my phone off, get my xanax script back so I don't feel anything, and sleep for days.
WallyBear
WallyBear
Hi sunsets,

Your Boy friend doesn't sound like much of a "Boy Friend".
He should have spent New Years Eve With You.

Sweetheart, You don't have to "Settle". You deserve a guy who treats you a lot better then he does.
ocdPositive
ocdPositive
Hey sunsets. Sorry that romance didn't blossom tonight. I wish you a wonderful 2012 full of love and success.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You BF should have spent new years with you hun. I'm sorry you felt so alone and sad. After work tomorrow when you get home, this is what I want you to do. Light a bunch of tea light candles and put them in the bathroom. Draw a nice hot bath with some essensial oils. Play a liittle music and turn out the lights. Just relax and let your mind go. You need to pamper yourself. xoxo. Aaron
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel the same way, here. I'm spent. I'm out of words. But, I cried my breath away today, and I know how you feel. I hate New Years. This kind of stuff always happens to me on New Years.
mollgirl
mollgirl
I am sorry you are hurting. New Year's is hard. I went to bed early and didn't wake up till today.Hang in there.
chelle37
chelle37
I'm so sorry that New Years was so hard for you hun! You deserve better though, it sounds like you're willing to put all your energy into this relationship and you deserve the same in return. I hope today is a better day for you! ((hugs))
dietcokelover
dietcokelover
The last two NYE I spent with my boyfriend. Last night I was alone. One of my friends offered to hang out with me but I just couldn't do it. I know it's not good to isolate but it's only been two days since I've stopped talking to him so I'm just giving myself some time. If I'm still isolating after months then of course thats's wrong and I need to change it. Even if him and I were still together we might not have spent the night together. He has stood me up on many holidays. I understand where you're at sunsets, my boyfriend treated me crappy for the two and half years we were together. I only eneded things because I finally had solid proof that he's cheating on me. Before I guess I had proof too but I ignored it and believed his lies. I'm sorry you're feeling bad, I'm here for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sounds like 2012 is a new beginning for you. In with the new out with the old. Dump the boyfriend and concentrate on yourself girl! Youmare better than him and totally worth it. You have so much love to give don't waste it on him. Enjoy your family and friends and have a better year!
sunsets1386
sunsets1386
I just want to be free again, but my heart and pride feel like they are stuck in quick sand. It's almost like we both feel too strongly about how we should be, that we can't just be who we are. It sounds so obviously horrible but he is like my best friend... and has been there by my side through hard times. I know my friends and yall are all correct in that I should run. Fast... but my pride can't let this go. Tragic really, and kinda pathetic. He didn't even call or text til 5am and I ignored his call. He says he loves me mpre than anyone but it feels like he puts everyone before me
deleted_user
deleted_user
He should have been with you end of story. He is preying on your vulnerability and weakness because he knows he can do these things and get away with them as long as he sweet talks you. Actions speak louder than words. You have to be strong and get away from him. This is not healthy.