Maybe I should be posting in the bipolar group but it seems here is where all the help is. All I have to do is get in a conversation with someone that so much spills out that I'm left with humiliation & extreme social anxiety. I berate myself all day & overimagine the fallout. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just weird & when I have the opportunity to start over with a new environment I screw it up. My therapist whom I adored went on maternity leave & as soon as she was about to come back I lost her due to a health insurance change. There's so much I want to tell her & now I will never get the chance. I cannot find a new therapist & ive been too long without one. I don't particularly want to begin my story over again with someone new either. 
I went back to my husband after divorcing him bc he vowed to protect & help me & he's just not. I don't feel as tho I can face tomorrow. I can't believe the garbage that falls out of my mouth. I hate hate hate myself. I found something I loved to do & I cannot go back bc I'm now back to being a freak. I have no friends. I never will.