Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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I want a beer!!!...

DepressedRecluse
DepressedRecluse
Mon.7/9/12 - Last week was hard...he was home from work for four days...we had a fight on the third day and we haven't spoken since (his choice, not mine)...he went to his brothers house on the fourth to barbecue and then came home with food...on thursday he went back to work and I just spent the rest of the week in a funk...I miss my life...I miss our life...my son is going off to college in the fall and we are going to be here all alone...this is when we should be enjoying ourselves...we're still young...but all we do is live seperate lives under the same roof...I hate this...I am so tired of this...I just want it to go back to the way it was in the beginning. Sunday was really hard...I come home and he's sitting there doing what he always does on his day off...watching tv...then he falls asleep for about three hours...then I get sleep and climb into the bed and he gets up and goes to get some food...comes home, cooks the food, we make small talk, and then back to watching tv till he goes to sleep...I stay on the computer wasting time until about 1am and then go to bed...I cry...I cry myself to sleep...he gets up, goes to work, and I go back to sleep...wake up with nothing on my mind but us and what my life has become...or hasn't become...OH...I forgot to mention that I started feeling anxious yesterday...so I went for walk around the block...i walked and walked...and fought of the urge to go get me a beer...I really can't believe that it has come to this...my life has fallen apart, my marriage is already dead, and the only thing I think about is getting a beer...I know full well that that is not the answer, but I just don't what to do anymore...and now...I am sitting here writing this and I know what I should be doing but instead I am sitting here wallowing in self-pity...and fighting that urge to go get that beer...
meandthebeast
meandthebeast
Would he consider marriage counseling? Could he be in mid life crisis? Do you talk to him about how your feeling?

Would you be better off being on your own? Just asking questions I would be asking myself.... I have never been in a great relationship and have seen very few in my many years on this earth... I praise the people who still love and care about each other after a few years of living together and getting to know each other so well... Sometimes everyone feels stuck...

I hope you can get this figured out and I have a lot of empathy for the pain you are in... The only one who really ever loves unconditionally are your pets.. atleast in my world.... and my grandsons but they are still young..
ATOWifeofJason
ATOWifeofJason
Step away from the beer. It is a proven depressant and you don't need that. Self medicating does not help. I agree with the previous post...lots of hard questions that need to be asked. We are here for you. Keep trying if you think this is worth fighting for, if not do what you need to do to be well.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its not wallowing in my opinion, its the Depression. That negative self-talk (wallowing, self-pity) can be destructive to your mindset.

I see positive things in what you wrote. You are resisting the urge for the beer. This is great. Also, you recognized your feelings of anxiety and you did something positive about it by taking the walk.

As hard as it is, focus on the small positives and you might find more of them.

Good luck. Sending hugs your way.
lance139169
lance139169
Recognizing that alcohol can only make things worse is a BIG thing. I can only assume that you have brought up your concerns about your marriage with your husband. If this is true, another conversation is in order. If not, well you know you should both have a serious sit down.

Communicating is much more than I talk, then you talk, then we both talk and then we walk away without having heard each other. A marriage counselor can help you two connect. If therapy is out of the question, there are a number of self help books on communication skills.
MeggieLizzie
MeggieLizzie
I agree with Beastie on trying marriage counseling. You both need to be open to it, and you both need to consider each other. Don't give up easily if you don't like a few sessions. If you don't like the counselor, find a new one. Also, would you be happier without him?

How was "the way it was in the beginning?" What about it did you enjoy? How were you closer to him? What activities did you do with him? Maybe you can find some activity you both enjoy?

I'm sure you know that 1 beer will turn into 9 beers and that you'll only feel worse later. It's not the solution. It's not going to make your situation better.

I hope you'll feel better soon. Maybe you can get individual counseling to deal with all of this? Hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
With regards to marriage, I've been reading things on the website www.marriagebuilders.com. It offers a unique method to getting any marriage back on the track to romantic love and real companionship. It also deals with a lot of other issues. It's principles are very interesting and certainly worth a try if your marriage is floundering.

I would recommend reading through most of the information available on the website, maybe take a look at the forums too. I first found out about it b/c it was founded by the author of a book my hubby and I partially read during premarital counseling.

It may not be your cup of tea, but like I said I certainly think its worth considering for the sake of your marriage.
gramybear
gramybear
First of all you guys really need to sit down and talk through all of this. Tell him exactly what you are thinking and how you are feeling, but also make sure to ask him, how he is feeling and what he is thinking too. Don't let the conversation become one-sided. And the next step is to find a therapist that deals in couples therapy, and make sure he or she knows plenty about depression, otherwise, it may end up being a disaster. There are too many therapists that truly don't understand depression. It's not their fault really, they have just never experienced it for any length of time, or at all.. At least make sure they have plenty of training in depression. These are the two places that I would start and I'm sure there will be other posts to suggest other possibilities too.
Good luck with this hon and keep us posted, okay?
ElenaNJ
ElenaNJ
hi. sounds like he's depressed. and he's taking you for granted. sorry i guess this isn't making you feel any better. don't feel bad about "wallowing in self pity"..we all do..at least i do..how my life has turned out. we..i wanted better for myself..you are not alone, is what i'm trying to say. and no relationships are perfect.

i'm no expert on fixing relationships..been married twice and now trying a third time, with issues..so, i really don't know. seems easier on one's own if you ask me..unless one is financially stable. which would you be happier? so, try not to be so hard on yourself. is that possible? oh, one thing that helped me decide whether to stay married or not was asking myself this question...how many of the years of marriage was I happy? overall my answer was 2 out of the 7..so i decided to leave.
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