Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I honestly don't know if I can take this shit anymore. All sorts of bullshit has been taking place and I don't think things could get much worse.
Lately, I have been feeling sick as hell. Nauseated, stomach pain, dizzy spells, vomiting, and of course panic attacks. This has been going on for what feels like forever. A week or so ago during an exam, I was found to have a large cyst which my doctor believes is endometriosis. Both my mother and my sister have had ovarian cysts which required hysterectomies and I freaking KNEW that somewhere down the line it would happen to me. Just not so soon.
Hubby and I have been wanting to have a child, and now I know why I just have never been getting pregnant. I am scared as shit and being sick all the time does not help at all. Not to mention, I work at a job that requires me to work 9 hours a day. It is nearly impossible for me to call out as there is only two of us closing at night.
Sometimes I feel like I am overreacting and just crying out for help, but I feel like my husband just isn't there. His answer to everything is to tough it out and I don't feel much sympathy from him.
Yesterday, something happened that has me deeply enraged and questioning a lot of things, but I feel like he is likely innocent (though HUGELY naive). I went to work yesterday nearly in tears sick and having suffered from insomnia the other night. He claimed that he would pamper me when I got home and that I should go straight to bed as I have been ill. When I got off of work, I came back to an empty apartment. I figured he must be out shopping and went to sleep for two hours. I woke up and he was still not home. I called him to find out that he was over our friends house who is currently moving into our neighborhood and who just recently found out she has cancer and lost a child. He was surprised to hear me and said where he was. Mind you, he ALWAYS forgets what time I am coming home and it always pisses me off. Turns out he was helping her move. Also when there, I found out that her ex-fiance has dumped her once again and that she tried to take her own life.
Of course, I am worried about my friend, but she has the tendency to 'get around'. When I called, I found it odd that my husband asked her if it was OK for me to come over. I also found it equally odd that my friend could see that I felt like shit and asked me if I wanted to go home. As you can guess, I was pretty alarmed to find my husband over some other woman's house without me knowing (if I knew, I would have no problem whatsoever). My husband is the type who is always helping others and indeed the truck is filled with old furniture, so i'm pretty sure that he was just innocently helping out a friend in distress. Still, I can't help but worry knowing the way she tends to get around. I've also always had a strange feeling that my husband has a bit of a crush on her in the past, but he swears that no way in hell does he. Also, although it was OBVIOUS that I was feeling like shit, I had to be there for my friend and console her, but we ended up staying over there until very late and not only was I having a panic attack the entire time but I honestly thought I was going to pass out. He KNEW I needed rest, didn't he?
Now what pisses me off is that he was there for her, but not for me when I needed him. I came home with an anxiety attack and he is out comforting someone else instead of myself. And, am I wrong in worrying just a little bit that there might be some sort of chemistry going on between them? Every day I end up in tears and have been ill, and all I get is go to work and tough it out. I physically can not do this anymore. Where is the compassion? I very likely have endometriosis, and he hardly seems to care. He just doesn't seem to listen to a word I say, and yet he will listen intensively to others. My friend told him that she got cancer due to HPV, which I had when I was younger. I have told my husband 100000000 times that I had to deal with cancer-causing HPV when I was younger, and he acted all amazed when he heard it from her. All the times I told him about myself having it was completely forgotten. In fact, a huge majority of what I say to my husband is always forgotten. I feel alone. I obviously don't have any friends to talk to about this as they all have problems of their own which are much more severe. I don't even know how I am supposed to feel anymore. I just feel dead inside and tortured by constant sickness and panic. Even if the worst was to happen and he WAS cheating on me (I hugely doubt this, but being a woman who has been abused and cheated on in the past, I can't help but worry a bit), I feel like I probably wouldn't even care at this point. Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. I'm almost hoping that I end up having cancer too so I can finally be free from this misery.
I honestly can't take feeling like shit, being forced to work 9 hours a day ill without the possibility of a replacement, having the scare of going into surgery, worrying about others, wondering if hubby really is there, etc, etc.
Lately, I have been feeling sick as hell. Nauseated, stomach pain, dizzy spells, vomiting, and of course panic attacks. This has been going on for what feels like forever. A week or so ago during an exam, I was found to have a large cyst which my doctor believes is endometriosis. Both my mother and my sister have had ovarian cysts which required hysterectomies and I freaking KNEW that somewhere down the line it would happen to me. Just not so soon.
Hubby and I have been wanting to have a child, and now I know why I just have never been getting pregnant. I am scared as shit and being sick all the time does not help at all. Not to mention, I work at a job that requires me to work 9 hours a day. It is nearly impossible for me to call out as there is only two of us closing at night.
Sometimes I feel like I am overreacting and just crying out for help, but I feel like my husband just isn't there. His answer to everything is to tough it out and I don't feel much sympathy from him.
Yesterday, something happened that has me deeply enraged and questioning a lot of things, but I feel like he is likely innocent (though HUGELY naive). I went to work yesterday nearly in tears sick and having suffered from insomnia the other night. He claimed that he would pamper me when I got home and that I should go straight to bed as I have been ill. When I got off of work, I came back to an empty apartment. I figured he must be out shopping and went to sleep for two hours. I woke up and he was still not home. I called him to find out that he was over our friends house who is currently moving into our neighborhood and who just recently found out she has cancer and lost a child. He was surprised to hear me and said where he was. Mind you, he ALWAYS forgets what time I am coming home and it always pisses me off. Turns out he was helping her move. Also when there, I found out that her ex-fiance has dumped her once again and that she tried to take her own life.
Of course, I am worried about my friend, but she has the tendency to 'get around'. When I called, I found it odd that my husband asked her if it was OK for me to come over. I also found it equally odd that my friend could see that I felt like shit and asked me if I wanted to go home. As you can guess, I was pretty alarmed to find my husband over some other woman's house without me knowing (if I knew, I would have no problem whatsoever). My husband is the type who is always helping others and indeed the truck is filled with old furniture, so i'm pretty sure that he was just innocently helping out a friend in distress. Still, I can't help but worry knowing the way she tends to get around. I've also always had a strange feeling that my husband has a bit of a crush on her in the past, but he swears that no way in hell does he. Also, although it was OBVIOUS that I was feeling like shit, I had to be there for my friend and console her, but we ended up staying over there until very late and not only was I having a panic attack the entire time but I honestly thought I was going to pass out. He KNEW I needed rest, didn't he?
Now what pisses me off is that he was there for her, but not for me when I needed him. I came home with an anxiety attack and he is out comforting someone else instead of myself. And, am I wrong in worrying just a little bit that there might be some sort of chemistry going on between them? Every day I end up in tears and have been ill, and all I get is go to work and tough it out. I physically can not do this anymore. Where is the compassion? I very likely have endometriosis, and he hardly seems to care. He just doesn't seem to listen to a word I say, and yet he will listen intensively to others. My friend told him that she got cancer due to HPV, which I had when I was younger. I have told my husband 100000000 times that I had to deal with cancer-causing HPV when I was younger, and he acted all amazed when he heard it from her. All the times I told him about myself having it was completely forgotten. In fact, a huge majority of what I say to my husband is always forgotten. I feel alone. I obviously don't have any friends to talk to about this as they all have problems of their own which are much more severe. I don't even know how I am supposed to feel anymore. I just feel dead inside and tortured by constant sickness and panic. Even if the worst was to happen and he WAS cheating on me (I hugely doubt this, but being a woman who has been abused and cheated on in the past, I can't help but worry a bit), I feel like I probably wouldn't even care at this point. Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. I'm almost hoping that I end up having cancer too so I can finally be free from this misery.
I honestly can't take feeling like shit, being forced to work 9 hours a day ill without the possibility of a replacement, having the scare of going into surgery, worrying about others, wondering if hubby really is there, etc, etc.
I think you need to trust your husband though... He sounds like a good guy.. But then........ I would probably be mad also