Ugh, Heidi, I am right there with you. Seeing things like that honestly depresses me, and I find it difficult to deal with those sorts of feelings because I feel so helpless in the face of such enormous social issues.

You are COMPLETELY right about how superficial and unimportant those sorts of things are, and, in my mind, a total waste of time and a good growing mind. There's a fork in the road, in my opinion, at which point we all recognize a social phenomenon (e.g.: "cute boys," who's "popular," etc.), and at which time one group of people will say, "Yep, that's just the way it is; might as well teach it as if it were an unchangeable reality" and the other group says, "No, this is a construction; none of this is important; we are going to try to teach more important things in the hope that we can change this situation." Needless to say, I'm not a fan of the first group, people too mired in their own socialization to realize the rules they've been taught (girls just like to talk about cute boys and popularity, and boys just like sports, it can't be helped) are completely imagined.

The bottom line, in my opinion, is this: even if this is simply "the way things are" (which I am adamant about that not being the case), which world would I rather live in? One in which we "accept" that we should all fill our minds with fluff and nonsense that no one will care about once we're gone, because it'll happen whether we pretend that's not the case or not; or a world in which we all continue to try to gather around and exercise our perceived power over our own environment, especially social environments, and refuse to say, "Alright, this is the way things are, I give up."? I have to say, I'd choose the second one over the first any day.

Anyway, it's nice that you can probably relate with your son in regards to perhaps introversion or social anxiety. I know I certainly can. I hope I haven't rambled here, but this is indeed an issue close to my heart. Thanks for the post :)

Thanks so much for yout post RibbonElle. And you're right, I DON'T want my head filled with useless fluff that won't even matter when I'm long gone. It just makes me sad that these authors of these "girlie" books are playing right in to that whole way of thinking. So even when these superficial girls are actually reading a book rather than hanging out with their friends, these unneccesary "values" are STILL being reinforced. And I always thought that writers had higher standards than this, but I guess they don't always. Anyway, I was glad to run back home after that depressing visit to the library and get a "reality check" back here at DS (ironically enough---lol). Thanks again!

I agree, but there are lots of books that may be suitable and don't promote such things...

When I was a kid, I was bullied a lot for being different and fantasy was my best friend, books were, I escaped into them, and I know that it sounds odd, but they have positive role models I think, they have good people who do good things for good reasons, often the hero is a lonely person, who overcomes to bring joy and goodness to the world... they helped me anyway.

There are also a couple of books out recently that are quite famous that have the main character as a boy with autism/ aspergers in, I think they'd be appropriate but you may want to read them yourself first (I don't have kids so I don't really know what is appropriate for a 13 year old) but the curious incident of the dog in the night time by mark haddon and extremely loud and incredibly close by Jonfran Safron foer are both books that may be interesting for him to read.

I do agree, the world makes me sad with its focus on the inconsequntial and I hope you and your son find happiness.

I think there are books that promote being nice to the person who is being hurt or show kids how wrong it is to treat a person this way or how to deal when you are not invited to a party. I think books can make the person who feels the worst and who is being picked on a hero. That is why I liked to read books a lot as a kid. I remember liking Beverly Cleary and Judy Bloom, I think they talk about how this kind of stuff makes a person feel and they have other books like this that bring this to the attention to show kids how it feels and how wrong it is to do this.

I am with you in how hurtful it is when people are not nice to others. I think this is what depressed me the most about life the fact that people are not nice to people and people are left lonely. I see it all the time in the homeless person, the person without any friends, the person who never gets talked too, the person who is mentally ill that is in their own world having no one, people don't want to deal with it and it is really hard for the person who has to deal with it. I understand what it is like to feel this way so I know how you feel. Seeing things like this can make you feel even more lonlier and more isolated.

I gotta agree with Skared on this one...ever since I can remember books have been a huge escape for me.

Of course the books you described would be harmful...damn, they sound horrible, actually. As if kids don't get enough of that crap through TV, magazines and movies.

Geez I have been so out of the loop. I didn't even know those kinds of books were out there. But then my kids are older and I am not looking at children's books and haven't for many years.

I think it is not healthy to promote that kind of thing for kids. But look at TV and magazines. They are telling us all the time if we aren't this size or have this hair color or this or that, we just aren't good enough. Somehow we have to find contentment within ourselves. That is a bit harder for depressed people to do. Crap, I've been in therapy for years and still have bad days where I feel not good enough. Ummmm. I think I had one recently if you recall....

Anyway, I hope you find some positive things for your son. And for yourself.

Hugs to you and your son.

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Thanks everyone for your feedback. It was all very helpful. Books have always been an escape for me too which is probably why I felt kind of violated by the ones that I mentioned that I saw at the library.
Next time we're there I'll focus on books with titles that I can relate to such as "Revenge of the Green Lifesaver" or something like that (lol).

Heidi, I think the larger issues you're struggling with here is that sometimes what is going on in the world isn't "nice" or doesn't feel "right" and that contributes to our depression. I know it does for me, I wish the world were a better place and I do my part to try to make it so. It makes me think of lyrics by Tracy Chapman:
Why do the babies starve when there's enough food to feed the world
Why, when there's so many of us, there's people still alone
Why are the missiles called peace keepers when they're aimed to kill
Why is a woman still not safe when she's in her home.

Yes, that makes sense. Thanks!