My dad and sister just got home today and I'm feeling depressed. We caught up for a bit (me getting interuppted all the time) and (again) when I brought up my favorite TV show (Studio C) my mom and older sister got mad and disinterested. Fun fact: they were the ones who introduced me to the show.

After a bit, my two sisters were talking and I told my mom that my twin sister always pushes me out of her room but never my older sister. She told me "Go join them" so I did. Not 5 seconds later was I litterally pushed away.

They said it's because they were feeling claustriphobic. I have a hard time believing them.

My twin sister never lets me hug her anymore and my older sister freaks out when I hug her sometimes.

We're having a Hanukkah party next Monday. My mom invited my best friends and their families. I was excited at first, then I remembered my room and our loft. My room is a mess and I don't know what to do and my dad has a lot of his art stuff in the loft.

Next Monday is also my dad's birthday. He has a Dentist appointment then and then the party. He said he's had enough birthdays to celebrate so he doesn't need to worry about this one but you only turn 63 once! (My dad always wins the "who's dad is oldest?" games)

I'm working on a present for him for his birthday but I don't know if I'll be able to finish it in time. I keep having bursts of productivity and then I get depressed and don't want to work at all.

I can't seem to stay in bed at night. I'm getting about 5-8 hours of sleep every night.

My mom put me in a choir for a year and I loathed every single second of it. I litterally still have nightmares of the conductor and I'm not even in it anymore. He yelled at people and even kicked people out in front of the entire choir (which consists of more than a thousand people). My sister is still in it. She loves it and has performances this week. My mom just said that I have to go to one of them and I can't! I can't even listen to the music without getting afraid. Looking at him, even when he's far away, would give me an Anxiety Attack and I don't want to have one when I'm surrounded by a bunch of people. My mom thinks that I don't like the choir because someone vomited on stage while performing but I didn't even see that. I even got yelled at once because I wasn't touching my face. I can't go to see this performance and I don't want them coming home after with disapointed faces and grumpy attitudes towards me because I didn't go.

I'm starting to get used to those faces.

The worst part is: This choir is religious.

Thank you for reading through this. If you have time, please write back. I really don't know what to do.