Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I don't know what the fuck is going on any more. That fleeting period of contentment has flown the coop, and I'm left feeling like something just crumbled inside. It's different than just sadness or anger. It's despair, complete and all-encompassing, that's settled on my shoulders and wrapped its self around me, squeezing tight. Or rather, it's like a riptide trying to pull me under. For the longest time, I resisted it, I refused to cave. And then, just like that, what strength I had seemed to snap and everything I was holding back came washing over me. I've been swallowed whole by it, and I feel like I'm drowning.
I've come home every night for the past week and bawled my eyes out, not even comprehending why. All I know is that I was far from this place, I was genuinely happy, and I've fallen all over again. In all honesty, I always had a nagging fear this might happen, but it still came as a surprise.
And now, having struggling with the waves of depression for such a very long time, I'm running out of hope that I'll be able to overcome this battle for good. I've worked so hard to get myself to where I was and to have shatter in front of me... it's simply not fair. It really makes me wonder if trying at all was worth it if it was never going to work. And I hate myself for saying this because I hate feeling weak, but I'm starting to feel as though the only escape from this war inside is to move on from this life.
I'd like to think I'd never go through with it. Some small part of me still knows that I deserve something good, after all this time, and that I might still get it. But it's hard to bear that in mind when all your efforts feel like a waste.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and thank you for any help you can give me.
I've come home every night for the past week and bawled my eyes out, not even comprehending why. All I know is that I was far from this place, I was genuinely happy, and I've fallen all over again. In all honesty, I always had a nagging fear this might happen, but it still came as a surprise.
And now, having struggling with the waves of depression for such a very long time, I'm running out of hope that I'll be able to overcome this battle for good. I've worked so hard to get myself to where I was and to have shatter in front of me... it's simply not fair. It really makes me wonder if trying at all was worth it if it was never going to work. And I hate myself for saying this because I hate feeling weak, but I'm starting to feel as though the only escape from this war inside is to move on from this life.
I'd like to think I'd never go through with it. Some small part of me still knows that I deserve something good, after all this time, and that I might still get it. But it's hard to bear that in mind when all your efforts feel like a waste.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and thank you for any help you can give me.
But what we NEED to do is remember there HAVE been good times, and there IS still a small part of you that knows you deserve something good, and there IS a possibility you will get it.
So I hope you can hold on to those thoughts -- the memory of good times, the realization that like all cyclic things, this depression will lift and you will get back there again. Maybe just write those words down -- "I HAVE been happy, and I CAN be happy again." And keep them close to you to read and re-read.
Don't give up. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}
You deserve this for yourself. i am sure the picture will right itself with proper help.
Do not, please, give up.
Yes, I have sought unprofessional help on and off for the last year and have been on Wellbutrin for about 6 months. As I say, I've had this mostly under control for since being on meds. I'm not sure, but I feel like the only I've managed to do was manage to ignore the "triggers" that could potentially set me off. I suppose I let a few too many in and it's totally overwhelmed me.
I should let you know that I don't have any interest in killing myself: the idea of leaving behind a mess for others to take care of because I couldn't deal with my own problems does not appeal. When I say I don't want to be alive anymore, I mean that I wish I could take my body and any traces of me in this world and disappear - almost as though I had never existed in the first place.
I'm realizing how pathetic I must sound - or would if I was talking to people who've never gone through something like this - and I hate taking on a victim mentality because it makes me feel weak (which of course adds to the cycle of self-loathing). But I truly appreciate being able to come here without fear of being judged and receiving support from all of you. Thank you so much!
Although in my case I know why.
In the last 2wks have lost my job my cats hubby has had surgery and we may have lost our future. I have no idea what more can go wrong each day I just want to end it, before the next crappy thing happens.
But I am trying. I am focusing on what I can control. Its not much trust me..exersizes, cleaning, eating, drinking water...but it is helping a little. At least I am being productive and not just a messed up lump.
It isn't stopping the pain but it is helping with the suicidal thougths.
And, one day, I was really depressed and my daughter took me for a walk. It does't have to be everyday, but maybe twice or three times a week, go for a walk, OR walk a teeny amount each day and tha can really really help.