i feel so lost. i dont know whats going on with me anymore :(....when i became so destructive. my moods swing all the time and i cant grasp on to one thing to think about....its so hard and i know it doesnt have to be. i dont want to die because i dont want to leave the people i love and who love me but im losing the desire to live...im to sad to do anything. i dont talk much, i dont study german like i love doive doing...all i do is cry and be miserable.

i dont belong, its like everything i do is wrong...i dont wanna be anywhere...i cant find happiness anywhere, at least for a while, the longest is probably like a week then i go into the debilitating depression again. im on meds but theyre going to be finished and no one cares. my mom said that she is going to buy me a natural thing (st john's wort) and i dont mind getting off of meds but dont i need a psychiatrist to moniter me.

im the only one caring about wat just stopping my meds could do to me (ive been taking it for a month) and they think im just looking for attention..all i want is help to make my self straight so i could see clearly :( i feel sooo alone...whats happening to me D' :