Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am feeling soooo suicidal. I am a 38, never married, no kids, unemployed, and live in a very toxic situation with my mother. She hates my dad and hates me because I am the product of a horrible marriage. The rest of my family is completely fragmented. No holidays, birthdays, or any of that stuff. My dad is probably one of the worst human beings ever. I am not sure what was worse, the physical or emotional abuse. About two months ago he went off on me, called me a mother f'r and threatend to kill me. I have been in a state of high anxiety ever since. None of my family showed up at my college graduation. I have friends, but they have their own lives and most are married or in relationships. Being unemployed sucks because I spend too much time in my head and end up ruminating over everything. I recently dumped a woman who was a compulsive liar and very toxic. She was a complete flake but with my non existent self esteem I figure that's the best I can do. I am completely sick over something that was totally hurtful. It makes no sense but when a person is so lonely and depressed, its easy to attach onto anything that makes you feel even a tiny bit better, albeit temporarily. So here I sit, alone in this dark, dingy back room of a trailer. I am so not welcome here any my mom just made that very clear tonight. There is not one ounce of love in that woman nor from anyone in my family for that matter.
Can anyone relate to this? Does anyone else feel completely disconnected from humanity? I am going crazy here. If anyone is up for chatting definitely let me know. Perhaps some of us could actually talk on the phone. This may sound corny, but after reading so many posts, I really feel a real connection with you guys. I could definitely use some love and definitely have a lot to give. I know I am not the only one. I hope this makes sense.
Can anyone relate to this? Does anyone else feel completely disconnected from humanity? I am going crazy here. If anyone is up for chatting definitely let me know. Perhaps some of us could actually talk on the phone. This may sound corny, but after reading so many posts, I really feel a real connection with you guys. I could definitely use some love and definitely have a lot to give. I know I am not the only one. I hope this makes sense.
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Everyday I feel more and more sick. Being in pain every day, I've learned to disguise it. So well that others don't believe my pain when I speak of it. Needing help but only receiving negative responses, I find my way but pay for it later. I absolutely need the rest but there's pressing things to be done.
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Ugh my depression is really being triggered by the grief of losing my mom. Ugh it sucks. I wish this pain would leave me already.
1-800-784-2433 OR 1-800-273-8255
First - do you have UEC income? Any type of state assistance? I ask b/c if you do perhaps renting a room may be an option. If it is, at least you can get out of dodge and not have to live with your family.
Second - Unemployment....not sure what your background is and I know how hard it is to find work these days but if you are just looking to at least have some type of income - temp agencies cover a variety of skill sets and this could be an option. And, again, afford you an opportunity to get out of where you live now.
Third - Family BS...I can totally relate. I am estranged from my entire family..that's another long story but I get the pain that is associated with it and in particlar with having a mother who picks and chooses those with whom she shares her love. And I wasn't one of them after a certain point...so, yeah, I get it. I am better off w/o those relationships b/c as you said they are toxic. Toxic relationships can also make you look at yourself in a darker light b/c you are buying into all of the shit the others seemingly feel towards you. So, again, it's best you get out of your living situation sooner than later. It's kind of freeing to cut off those that try to bring you down to their shitty level.
Fourth...Depression - Are you on any meds? Any professional trtmt? Therapy? Anything?
To end this novel....work on finding a solution to remove yourself from where you live. I know it will be hard given how you are currently feeling but look at the long term goal and my guess is getting out of there will help your mental health a great deal. Hang tight...keep reaching out and yes, the connections that people make on DS are real and it's been a life saver for many. It's not corny at all! ( : Stay in touch...let us know how you are doing.
I can relate to feeling disconnected and perhaps on the outside looking in!!
Take care!!!
China70- thanks...toxic relationships can be our downfall or our way out. We can choose. ( :
While you are working to the goal of getting away try to seperate yourself as much as you can emotionally from the situation. I know easier said then done.
Good Luck my friend.