It's been awhile since I've been here. I've posted journal entries maybe once or twice a month, but that's been it. But it's been a long time since I have been to the depression support group and posted anything. Today is one those desperate days for me. I work a thankless and tiresome job. I have to be oncall often. I have worked for 30 hours straight before here. I am a child protective servcies social worker. I am beat, I've done this for 7 years and I am done with it. I'm just done and I have been trying to get out of it for so long. Problem is I have a crim record from where I was 18 and decided shoplifting was a good idea. So trying to get a job can be difficult. That was 20 some years ago, but still it hangs over me. I never list it, but there's always the chance and likelihood that it will be found in a background check. I should be greatful to even have a decent job, but it's not a decent job, it's a shoveling shit with your bare hands type of job. Its a trying to cut down a forest of trees with a fish kind of job. I cannot walk on water, heal the sick and raise the dead. therefore this job sucks. I had another interview recently and was given hope that those I interviewed with would be calling me, (after a background check) and the waiting is almost unbearable. I'm so tired of one disappointment right after another that I'm just ready to give up on life all together. there's plenty more to complain about, but I'll leave it at that, because my life sucking job is my biggest problem.