Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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I need help and/or advice!!

bayrabbit01
bayrabbit01
Hi everyone!!

This is not going to be a feel good post...just a warning!!

I have MDD and feel like my life is over!! I have been dealing with this since it came to a head in October of 2010. I have been dealing with it for the last 3 years and frankly, I am exhausted. I think about ending my life on a daily basis...but can't reveal that to my hubby as I feel he would perceive that as being weak!! Honestly, I don't know how much longer I can tolerate it. I think I put up a pretty good front, as far as acting as if there is nothing wrong but as I mentioned earlier it is getting exhausting!! I don't have a psychiatrist right now and I have no idea where to go to look for help. All counselling costs money and that is something I don't have a lot of right now. So as you can see, I am between a rock and a hard place.

I am alive because of my husband, he is my only family!! I know in my heart that it would hurt him really bad if anything happened to me! I found that out the last time I tried to commit suicide. I don't think he understands the amount of emotional pain I am going through. He bought me a dog last November, because he thought it would give me something to take my mind off of everything that is going on right now.

I would go into greater detail as to what has happened in my life to get to this place of MDD, but that would have to be a whole other post!! Let's just say that choices that I have made have gotten me to where I am now. So in a way, I have no one to blame but myself!!

Has anyone else ever felt this way?? What did you do about it? The only friends that I had have long dice gone. So, I figure that they just got sick and tired of listening to me complain about MDD because it is a mental disability , and a lot of us

PLEASE help me if you can . I would really appreciate it!!
lizaradley
lizaradley
Hi Bayrabbit,

I'm a mental health worker and also someone who has been diagnosed with MDD since 2010. I have been through some very dark times but at this stage I have generally been free of symptoms of MDD since July last year- I have had a few brief episodes, but very situational.

You seem to be lacking in hope, in any belief that you can get better. You can. Your life isn't over. You're in a hard time in your life.

Can I ask, what do you do with your time? I found that the worst times for me was when I was isolating myself and staying home doing nothing all day. Are you getting out and finding meaningful things to do with your time?

The things that happened in the past, well they're in the past. They may have led you to this place, But they can't control where you go in the future. Everyone has made bad choices, mistakes. It's ok to. Don't beat yourself up for it. What counts now is how you're going to move forward.

Here's a link to some mental health services in your area. They may be able to provide low cost or free counselling or they may be able to advise you on where to find it.

http://find.healthlinkbc.ca/search.aspx?d=LC004128&ds=SL057583#searchresults

It's not over for you bay, it's a new beginning. All you need to do is take that first definitive step. And it doesn't have to be big, it can be so small. I painted my fingernails. But that was my sign to myself that I deserved my care and I deserved to get better. It's a lot of work, but it is so so worth it.

Much love to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My advice is to focus on getting help. If you don't have the money for a psychiatrist then you need to look into getting disability money or insurance or medicare etc. Something to cover it. Examine your options because before you make an attempt to truly take your life you should at least give it your 100% strive to saying you did all you could do to get better. That's the way I look at things. I say you push hard to get therapy and treatment. First things first you do that. Then sadly I'm going to tell you something you probably don't want to here but deep down know its probably best is to be more open and honest with your husband about how you're feeling. Then maybe he can look out for you and be more cautious around you to not say something triggering or act in an insensitive way that makes you angry or depressed. I mean...it's not magic advice but I think if you tried a little harder it can make a difference. I know how after diagnosis life chances and you see things differently. I too have been incredibly suicidal for three years as well and it all started when I finally knew what I had. I finally felt like I had the reason for my sadness. But in the end it's no excuse. We always have to try the best we can. Or maybe just look at life as a vacation. I always believed we were merely a spirit before and after birth hence our journey on Earth can be seen as a quick vacation. Sooner or later we all die and we're back to just being a spirit. So its best that you make the most out of being here than have a miserable time. Idk. That's just my two cents. Hope I helped. Good luck!
bayrabbit01
bayrabbit01
Lizaradley, it seems simple not to isolate yourself, but unfortunately I have agrophobia which is isolating in and of itself. I can't go anywhere by myself without having a complete panic attack. This is part of what has put me over the edge.

I am lacking in hope, and the belief that I can get better and yes I am going through a hard time right now.

I like to cook, but then I have to eat what I have cooked....so far as baking it just makes me fat, and that adds to my misery, because I don't want to gain weight.

You are right in saying that the past is the past and that there is no sense in dwelling on it.

I wish I could say that therapy helps, but the therapy that I have been through never really helped. Yes, it makes me less likely to want to take my own life, but just slightly.

I still have so many demons that I need to deal with but I don't know how to get started.
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