Bless you Sweetie. Congrats on your new baby. Sounds like you need some
Mom time. It'd be wonderful if you could get away for a day or so to recoup. If that's impossible, try escaping with a good book or long walks as often as you can. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings

What was life like prior to 4 months ago?

I got engaged married and had a baby all within a year and a half. I love my baby so much. She’s all I got right now. Life wasn’t as tough, I basically created an image and I’m trying to hardest to live up to it everyday.its the worst feeling having to tell everyone “I’m ok” everyday when I’m just deep down breaking inside. I don’t even want to use excuses for behaving badly but it’s the honest to god truth. I’m losing it slowly :(((

It also doesn’t help when you try to reach out to someone for comfort and their reaction is “wtheck! You got this” it’s just uncommon for me to not be able to handle it and no one understands, my husband isn’t supporting nor a good talker. I love him to death too but I’m ruining my family.

I don't want to make you feel worse but you are very lucky you did not sleep on the baby and suffocate her. Please get help. Is there anyway you can hire someone for a 3 hour break a couple of days. You definitely should go to AA. Maybe there is a local church or community center that have meetings. I give you a lot of credit this is a hard thing for a mom to admit. It shows you do have strength just by saying you need help! Maybe these support groups would help you some.
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/alcoholism
https://www.dailystrength.org/categories/Childrens_Health_Parenting

This all happened so fast ... COULD BE a huge mistake has taken place. That remains to be seen however.

The thing that comes out the loudest from your post, is the safety of a 4-month old. As mentioned, she could have lost her life as you lay beside her in a black-out, ... not to mention her safety at any given time you are under the influence.

The question is ... what to do about it. Well, FIRST ... NEVER again put her in any danger. NEVER. Child endangerment can land you in jail ... not to mention the tragedy of any harm to her. THIS MUST STOP.

I cannot do anything about the fighting. I believe you that you are under too much demand though I find it difficult ...in that there is only you, husband, and infant in the household.

I think it best you inform your doctor of what you have posted. You need some guidance on mothering an infant and husband needs some also ... you up at 11PM fixing his dinner is not conducive to parenting an infant. SHE needs your attention more than anyone else .. and you have to be RESTED, SOBER, and in a good mindset to give it to her.

EVERYONE has to put her FIRST ... and that comes down to you and your husband ... at least. Get this fixed ... one way or another.

Hi. Well it sounds like things are getting very hard. I am sorry. I can see that there are many folks here who are concerned and hope all is good. This seems to be a hard fix I think. I hope you talk with me or someone about this. I am very sure you are a good person. Try to take things easy and treat yourself and your family better. Let me know how things are.

I have NO DOUBT you are a good person. No doubt ... but the child is in danger. Alcohol is HER enemy as well as yours. You MUST eliminate it from your life.

I think your family members may need to step in to make sure your baby is ok and that you are not harming yourself. Try to talk with your family even if you dont think it a good idea. No one wants anyone to be hurt or worse.

Hi Kisskr, I want to let you know that I undertand that you have been blackout, first of all about the drinking i want to let you know that you it is so important to have child comes first and please don't drinking while your beautiful child is really need you the most because you are the mother. I have been doing a lot when my two children were little most of all the times like 24/7 days and week while my husband working full time jobs and i don't get paid nothing at all. I been stay at home moms and plus taking care of myself. it is not easy to do like everyone in one person in house to do for my children and husband and i realized that I love to do what i like to do to watching kids growing and support my husband and kids that they are really need me. I have daughter when i was 19 year old and I been doing all alone myself it is not easy. i know what you were talking about my friend, I am deaf and I have always want to make sure I be more lot of times with my children and whatever because that what babies are need mother the most you know what i mean? I have told my daughter the same things as I have two granddaughters. please remember that you can do it too and you can make sure focus on children that need you and don't drinking too much.. because that would bother and your child loves you and get to know you so much. I hope this help my friend. please stay stronger and don't get too much of drinking because i caring about your health and your kids is really need you sweetie. My daughter has been up all night with her 6 month old almost 4 am morning all the times. because of she is breastfeed her. please remember that you are not only one and all babies are normal to be up and sometimes it is may be hungry or having fever or raining storm bother them which that scare of them to keep them up or could be anything, my friend.

There is a great deal of concern for you and your child. A lot of comments are accurate. I believe you realize this. I used to drink til I blacked out. It doesn't change reality and you wake feeling like shit. Your husband needs to man up and support you much more than he is. He cant stop your binging, but he needs to help you help yourself. Further periods of blacking out will make your life worse and everyone it will only stay further away. You have to want to get better. Everyone on DS is in your corner.