Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
If the ones around us see us drowning, why do they act so slowly in assisting us? Are they in a state of shock? I've been falling down this rabbit hole awhile now. My support system has been helpful, slowly but surely. There have been moments where I've been disappointed at their lack of attention. I guess we're all on a learning curve and are adapting to changes as they unfold.
We have to go through this trial by fire. One day or another. If I carry you through it, the task is still ahead of you. You won't have done it.
I won't have helped you, I will have undermined you. And you'll have to wait for this to come round again, maybe in 10 yrs, before you are set up to try again. But that time you'll have a false expectation.
If you put a rat in a barrel of water, it'll swim to exhaustion. If you fish it out, and put it in that barrel again tomorrow, it'll swim to slightly less than exhaustion and then fake drowning to be fished out.
Rats do it; and we do it. So your best chance of success with something like depression is actually your first shot at it. That's when you'll try hardest. That's when you're fresh and hopeful.
When you get through you'll see that what you considered helpful before hand is not something you will do for others. And what you considered cruel then, you may now realise is necessary. Your point of view will shift with experience. Not just of the depression, but of the coming out the other side of it. What did you have to have to get through?
you had to have courage. So given that you need courage, people need to avoid weakening you and undermining your courage. They need to empower you.
What will weaken you? Pity. Pity will destroy you. Now go look and see who gives you pity. They are the ones who have NOT succeeded. Nobody who's got through it would dream of offering pity.
Chocolate? Sure. A shoulder to cry on? Absolutely. Silence? Sure thing. They'll give you what they wanted. If they wanted to be left alone, they'll leave you alone. If they wanted to talk, they'll listen. people will do it, all these things. Different things. And you may not know they're trying to offer help.
Hope the counselling will go well.
I can say you can't do it alone; but I'm not going to. You're bright, I've noticed. And I think you have courage, too. So you have the skillset, basically, to win this thing. You certainly can do this alone. People cannot slay your dragon for you: we can cheer you on from the sideline, and everyone does care if you can mange and give you all the skills and tools that they have. But they cannot kill your dragon for you. it's ultimately your quest. I think this is why there are so incredibly many stories throughout the centuries about these kinds of quests - to give us power and skills to understand what we need to do when we go into this dark place.
Depression is a place we all go to alone. You know this already, because it's where you take yourself. When you're depressed you take yourself away into yourself. Nobody else can reach you there. All of us who've been there know that this is a place inside you that nobody else can get to. You can kill yourself inside that place whether you are surrounded by people begging you not to, or whether you're alone on an island. it's your journey, your quest. Your space, your environment, your inner reality. Your adventure land and you'll either win, or you will stay there like that spider woman in krull. (Krull seems to be on my mind lately. I think I'll rewatch).
People can't help you in this space inside yourself. And if they say they can it's just transient. They can give you pills to make living in the dark forest seem pleasant, they can suggest technique they have used for dragon slaying, they can tell you they love you or whatever - but they can't kill your dragon. Only you can do that.
Having said that? I have absolute faith in you. I think you've got this.