Depression Support Group
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...the way my body is reacting if I sense anything remotely stressful. For me panics are nothing new, but this one felt uncalled for because today the trigger was something I knew was coming weeks ago and just needed final details on.
I don't think it helped that last night I couldn't sleep a wink after a double nervous breakdown, but that doesn't explain what happened this time fully, I feel.
To fill in a missing detail before I share the relevant part of the journal entry from which this comes out: Today I had a field trip to the state Ethics Commission as part of my legal ethics class. Originally it was something I was really looking forward to. Now it's looking more like a day to forget (sigh).
The details, direct from my journal entry earlier tonight:
En route on the subway I couldn't stay awake for long, having gone sleepless the night before (see previous entry). Fortunately I was able to come to one stop before I was supposed to get off. I was able to pay attention to the gentleman doing the presenting upon arrival at the state Ethics Commission, but since I wasn't rested I now can't remember what he said. I did a couple of pamphlets to help jog my memory, which will help when I type a brief (1 page) discussion of the trip for Wednesday's class.
I also got my research project assignment today. It should be fun -- if one can use research projects and fun in the same sentence -- but that's not how my heart reacted. Instead it reacted the way it has for many years when it senses trouble...it panics. Badly. The result was my third nervous breakdown in two days [with lots of tears being shed], and I felt no choice but to pull up on my studies for the night and come here instead.
This [the research project] was not something I wasn't expecting...the handing out of the project was listed clearly on the syllabus, and it was right on time (it was just a matter of what the topic would be). So the reaction I got -- which fortunately was kind enough to hold itself up until I got home -- is a point of concern because it came so fast I had no chance to stop it.
I don't think it helped that last night I couldn't sleep a wink after a double nervous breakdown, but that doesn't explain what happened this time fully, I feel.
To fill in a missing detail before I share the relevant part of the journal entry from which this comes out: Today I had a field trip to the state Ethics Commission as part of my legal ethics class. Originally it was something I was really looking forward to. Now it's looking more like a day to forget (sigh).
The details, direct from my journal entry earlier tonight:
En route on the subway I couldn't stay awake for long, having gone sleepless the night before (see previous entry). Fortunately I was able to come to one stop before I was supposed to get off. I was able to pay attention to the gentleman doing the presenting upon arrival at the state Ethics Commission, but since I wasn't rested I now can't remember what he said. I did a couple of pamphlets to help jog my memory, which will help when I type a brief (1 page) discussion of the trip for Wednesday's class.
I also got my research project assignment today. It should be fun -- if one can use research projects and fun in the same sentence -- but that's not how my heart reacted. Instead it reacted the way it has for many years when it senses trouble...it panics. Badly. The result was my third nervous breakdown in two days [with lots of tears being shed], and I felt no choice but to pull up on my studies for the night and come here instead.
This [the research project] was not something I wasn't expecting...the handing out of the project was listed clearly on the syllabus, and it was right on time (it was just a matter of what the topic would be). So the reaction I got -- which fortunately was kind enough to hold itself up until I got home -- is a point of concern because it came so fast I had no chance to stop it.
You mention several times how tired you are, and that you are waiving your studies to post here because you are so stressed.
I think you may be overtired from missing sleep, as well as stressed from your new assignments.
Can you try to get some sleep???
Sometimes I find a way to fight through it. But yesterday I just had no fight in me at all. Hoping today will be better.
You need to regulate your body, imho. No caffeine after 12noon, and lights out at 10pm or something like that.
Too little sleep can really make you crazy and over wound....