Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety back in January 2011. It has come and go in ebbs and flows since, and I seem to be stuck in a never ending rut once again.
I think it mostly started when I was made redundant, back in September last year. I do have a part time job, but it's only one day a week at present, for 3 and a half hours over an evening. I have a girlfriend, who I adore, but she lives an hour & a half's drive away, and neither of us drive, so we rely on public transport, which doubles our travelling time and empties our pockets. She is a full time uni student and works as well, so she has a lot of things filling her life.
I feel like I have nothing besides her. I live on my own in a big, empty house. It is my mother's, but she is never there. She is loved up with her partner and spends 99% of her time with her partner. I really miss her. It's very lonely for me to be here on my own. I am struggling to do anything - even getting dressed and showered is a chore for me right now. I don't ever want to go out - for work, to see friends...I have to physically force myself. I used to be out all day, all night, when I wasn't working. Now I just want to stay inside, even though I hate being alone all the time. It's like a vicious cycle and I can't win.
I am trying very hard to find work, and I had multiple interviews around Christmas, all of which were unsuccessful. It was a huge knock to my confidence. I have so much time and nothing to do with it. I tried to get into college but it is too late - I now have to wait until September. I have no money to do anything. I'm completely stuck. Sometimes I just want to walk off into the night and disappear. I feel like no one would miss me anyway.
Recently I had flash backs of my past - my childhood. I was physically and emotionally abused by my father and sexually abused by my brother. I had a break down the other night and told my girlfriend all about my past. Never have I done that, to anyone, even when I went to counseling a few years back.
I'm a cutter - I get upset very easily and cutting is my coping mechanism.
I don't know what to do...I feel stuck. I want to run away. I want to hide. I want to be happy again and I don't know how. I don't really even know where I'm going with this...just please, someone give me some advice how to be okay again. How to make my pointless life worth something.
I think it mostly started when I was made redundant, back in September last year. I do have a part time job, but it's only one day a week at present, for 3 and a half hours over an evening. I have a girlfriend, who I adore, but she lives an hour & a half's drive away, and neither of us drive, so we rely on public transport, which doubles our travelling time and empties our pockets. She is a full time uni student and works as well, so she has a lot of things filling her life.
I feel like I have nothing besides her. I live on my own in a big, empty house. It is my mother's, but she is never there. She is loved up with her partner and spends 99% of her time with her partner. I really miss her. It's very lonely for me to be here on my own. I am struggling to do anything - even getting dressed and showered is a chore for me right now. I don't ever want to go out - for work, to see friends...I have to physically force myself. I used to be out all day, all night, when I wasn't working. Now I just want to stay inside, even though I hate being alone all the time. It's like a vicious cycle and I can't win.
I am trying very hard to find work, and I had multiple interviews around Christmas, all of which were unsuccessful. It was a huge knock to my confidence. I have so much time and nothing to do with it. I tried to get into college but it is too late - I now have to wait until September. I have no money to do anything. I'm completely stuck. Sometimes I just want to walk off into the night and disappear. I feel like no one would miss me anyway.
Recently I had flash backs of my past - my childhood. I was physically and emotionally abused by my father and sexually abused by my brother. I had a break down the other night and told my girlfriend all about my past. Never have I done that, to anyone, even when I went to counseling a few years back.
I'm a cutter - I get upset very easily and cutting is my coping mechanism.
I don't know what to do...I feel stuck. I want to run away. I want to hide. I want to be happy again and I don't know how. I don't really even know where I'm going with this...just please, someone give me some advice how to be okay again. How to make my pointless life worth something.
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A tree outside where I live is dying, seemingly from dog urine----with the bully in my building going out his way to not only have his dog urinate there but to have the dog urinate on the fence and sign I bought to try save the tree----and then slide the sign under my apt door.Turns out that was a TRIGGER for me----bullying and humialtion right out of high school. I didn't realize it at the...
fLight to your girlfiend, for a few days, and sleep on the floor where she lives if you have to?
I spent most of my life in my parents' falling apart, 3 floor, 3 bedroom house, and I still have a hard time getting the energy to shave even once a week. I didn't tell anybody how my parents were hateful scumbags till my old age, and even then only online, mostly here. so, you're not alone in any of that.
therapy...? meds, even herbal over the counter stuff...? money certainly can change things; try again for any job. exercise can help against depression. and "just" convince youself that this really is temporary, that In sept with college, everything will be better.
Thank you for the hug uselessme, and thank you for the advice penntucky. I will look into a few things, I do think I need help. I've been avoiding any sort of 'help' for depression because I don't want to admit what I think is defeat, but I suppose it's something I may have to do...
I guess I'm struggling to look forward right now. I'm too busy looking at the past and present. I'm going to try though. it's all I can do...