Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello All, This is my 1st post. My wife of nearly 16 years recently asked me for a divorce. We are in our mid 40s, HS sweethearts that have been together for a total of 28 years (Since we were 17). Over the past year and a half things have changed with her. She got a new job 2 years ago, working with much younger, mostly unmarried men and women, this is when things all changed. July 28, 2014 about 5 month into her job I noticed she was not herself, so I asked what was wrong. Well in short I was told she was feeling distant, and just generally down. She said she had felt we grew apart over the past couple of years, this is somewhat true as we had some deaths in our family that really hit us hard. Anyway from that day on I tried to turn things around but the more I did the more she pulled away.
The past 18 months have really been hard for me, she said and did some very mean things. She had become a different person, cold and closed towards me. Anyway after several threats to separate she separated from me 1 month ago today (went to her parents), then 2 weeks later she said she wanted a divorce. I just don't understand all of this. 28 years and it's like I'm nothing more than an acquaintance to her. I've try everything to try and make this work but she so shutdown to me. I do suspect a lot of this may be caused by the younger men and woman shes working with and her age. I think shes going through some mid-life crisis, depression or maybe even menopause as she just so different from the women I've loved for the past 28 years.
Anyway I don't know what to do anymore, I am just crushed. I'm all alone (beside my great dog), I have no family and very few true friends, most of which are in NY (My wife and I moved to FL 10 years ago). I'm close to losing my best friend, my wife, my lover, my rock and I'm powerless to stop it. I love her so much, I would do anything but I know at this point there is nothing I can do but hope shes comes to a conclusion making a mistake.
However I am just so sad, the past month I've done nothing but work, cry, eat and sleep, I just cannot snap out of this. What do I do? How can I start to move on as I am so scared of what tomorrow holds for me. I know there is no magical answer but I am just looking for some support and guidance as for the 1st time in my life I really feel my life has zero purpose. Anyway, thanks everyone for listening.
The past 18 months have really been hard for me, she said and did some very mean things. She had become a different person, cold and closed towards me. Anyway after several threats to separate she separated from me 1 month ago today (went to her parents), then 2 weeks later she said she wanted a divorce. I just don't understand all of this. 28 years and it's like I'm nothing more than an acquaintance to her. I've try everything to try and make this work but she so shutdown to me. I do suspect a lot of this may be caused by the younger men and woman shes working with and her age. I think shes going through some mid-life crisis, depression or maybe even menopause as she just so different from the women I've loved for the past 28 years.
Anyway I don't know what to do anymore, I am just crushed. I'm all alone (beside my great dog), I have no family and very few true friends, most of which are in NY (My wife and I moved to FL 10 years ago). I'm close to losing my best friend, my wife, my lover, my rock and I'm powerless to stop it. I love her so much, I would do anything but I know at this point there is nothing I can do but hope shes comes to a conclusion making a mistake.
However I am just so sad, the past month I've done nothing but work, cry, eat and sleep, I just cannot snap out of this. What do I do? How can I start to move on as I am so scared of what tomorrow holds for me. I know there is no magical answer but I am just looking for some support and guidance as for the 1st time in my life I really feel my life has zero purpose. Anyway, thanks everyone for listening.
The best I can think to say is to get therapy. Go for yourself. If you can get her to go with you then that would be ideal, but no matter what she dies, please go.
Gentle hugs
[big hug]
Therapy is a great idea. You are in mourning right now and need to take care of yourself.
PRAY B4 U DO ANYTHING.
GOD IS THERE 4 U.
GBU
DRENA B
;-O
Here's a link to the DS Breakups and Divorce support group. I know it's helped me a lot through my last breakup: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/support-group
Also, as ThePepperman and selfie said, I agree that getting some therapy is your best bet. You will need it to navigate the difficult shoals ahead.
When my current boyfriend went through a difficult divorce, he said his dog, a Brussels Griffon, saved his life. Once you are done with the transition of the divorce and living in your own apartment, consider getting a pet for companionship and unconditional love.
Good luck.
Thanks for all the messages, it was nice to wake up to this.
I'm trying to get myself into a local support group or find a therapist but I am struggling to do so. Every time I think I am ready to make the move I freeze up as I feel like such a loser and am embarrassed by the situation. I guess the 1st step is the hardest, hopefully this week will be it.
Right now I am just so lonely. I come home and the house feels so empty and all the pictures are killing me. I'm not sure if I should begin to take them down, honestly I probably don't have the mental strength to yet. Plus she still comes by on the weekend to pick up our dog so she can spend some time with him so I am not sure what message that would send. On one hand I think it may be good as she'll think I'm moving on and maybe that will scare her, on the other hand I think she'll think I'm giving up, which could not be further from the truth.
What really hurts is there is really no excuse from her other then she put so much effort into me the past few years that she burnt out and needs to focus on herself. I admit I've had a hard 4-5 years. In that time we found out our 1st dog had cancer ( we love our dogs) and shortly after found out my mother had stage 4 lung cancer. In short both passed away within a year of each other so yes I was extremely sad. For a coupe of years (during that time) I drank way too much everyday but the day my mother passed I quit cold turkey. I find it a bit selfish that she's saying she's now burnt out form those years, isn't support during times like that what a marriage is about? Also why not say anything at that point so we could try and work on fixing things.
I also cannot help but think there is another man in her ear. As I mentioned she now works with a lot of unmarried people. There is one guy in particular that she seems a bit too friendly with. I'm 99.9% sure there was noting physical, but I certainly think there was/is something emotional. I mean she's mid 40's, looks great and at a time in her life where someone giving her attention probably feels great. And believe me I get it, it fells great when someone beside your spouse starts to give you attention and flirts with you. Anyway I'm sure this is playing into this to some capacity.
Someone mentioned to give her space. At this point I am doing that but things are moving fast. Since we have no kids and agreed on the division of the assets the divorce can be done in about 45 days. I'm certain that if in the past 18 months I was not able to win her back, I'm not going to in the next 45 days. I wish I could go back in time 18 months as there are things I regret in that time. I really smothered her as I felt like I was losing her and I feel that pushed her away more. But I wasn't meaning to be smothering, I was just trying to show her I was fighting and how much I love her. But all my work seemed to do no good.
Well thanks all for taking the time to listen and sorry for so abruptly cutting this off. But my dog is giving me the stare down waiting for his morning walk, lol!
I'll be back later, thanks again!!
GBU
DRENA B
;-O
I'm not sure if it was that I feel this way because I finally wrote on this board, but it must have done something as today has been the best I've felt since she let.
In the end though: they avoid giving out these opportunities, because they're trying to kill the relationship. They made up their mind long before you got tricked into being the 'reason'.
There's nothing you can do. :( She's gone. Perhaps you did this wrong or that wrong - and you're obviously the guy in the petri dish under the microscope, and you can probably learn from this for the next relationship, but there isn't much you can do with this one.
I am very sorry for your loss. Don't despair though; it takes a few years to get over the shock, but then you can get back in the game older, wiser, and a little more clued up. :)