I'm here to help...what do you need in this immediate moment?

And BTW, this post definitely qualifies to be listed as "crisis" and not just on the normal page...but, I digress

@Blueboy27 you don't need to feel this way. I use to always thinking I was a bother to people and that they didn't want me around, but that is far from the truth. I'm not sure if you have a faith and I won't judge you either way, but I believe in one God that controls everything, and I believe that there are demons that enter our heads as the most diffult test a human being will face, and that's to not give in to what they want. You see, I have thoughts all the time of grabbing a knife and killing myself but then I think, that's not fair. Why should I take any life, especially my own. I had to keep myself occupied to avoid these thoughts because they were so consistent. So what did I start to do? I started to read, and write, and browse the internet for others like me so I can just let it out. That's what we are all here for, for you, and I and everyone who feels this way.

Don't be afraid to speak your mind here, it is a safe place. You seem like you are just down and I was in that place too. But after reading about history and about how other human beings cultivated the way we live today, I realize, every single one of us and every single thing that happens is for a specific reason. It's a plan that one supreme being knows the beginning and end too.

Our role as human beings is to be able to fight the bad to allow the good to naturally come. Look around you and notice how everyone works hard to be happy because happiness is not easy. Nothing good ever is. It's so easy to be bad because the bad is so accessible, but trust me, stay focused on what you want to do in your future because anything is possible, truly, anything. When you feel like the thoughts are really kicking in, occupy yourself. Read a new book, watch a funny movie, go out and walk around the block and just take in the nature.

We're all here for you, and I know you have something within yourself that you can find and say this is worth living for. For me, it's writing. For you, it can be anything you love to do. ANYTHING!

Sorry for the rant, just wanted to be clear, feel better soon, and smile because smiling is free medicine! :)

That wasn't a rant, Dice, that was some solid advice...kudos!

peace to you Blueboy27. You are strong for being able to write about your moods. I hope you can find a medicine or some kind of coping tool that will help you find comfort and stability. Please keep in touch so we can support you when you need it.

If your moods are "changing too fast" does this mean you are bipolar? Have you consulted a doctor and are you currently on medication? I am a suicide survivor and now have a happy life. Zyprexa and Cymbalta helped me tremendously.

I found with depression I needed a way to hold onto thoughts that wouldn't stay put. I had to stick to ideas that I knew, and just remind myself of them, and not let myself think about them because if I did, they would change.

You first have to make a rule and a promise: no killing self. Your family are right, it is selfish. at worst. and foolish at best. You are going through a stage in your life that is short. It is awful, but it is short if you confront it, deal with it, get it sorted.

So that's what you need to do. When you don't know how to cope with it, go lie down. let yourself lie down whenever you want. let yourself take time out whenever you want. Any decision you make, say 'i'll review this tomorrow'. Give yourself a time box to put every choice and move into , before doing anything about it. Always sleep on everything.

Better to move slow and safe, than fast and crazy. You need your doctor to help you, your family to help you and a counsellor to help you. Surround yourself with this help, and they can be there when you wobble. They love you. They want you happy.

And you're certainly not a burden.