I've had to battle depression most of my life and it has been one hell of a roller coaster. This past year though it took a nose dive into hell for me when I found out I had Herpes Strain 2. I was thankful that I hadnt passed it to anyone and had learned I probably have had this for years just sitting dormant inside of me and didnt realize it like most women. After learning there is no cure for it I felt disgusting, my libido died and so did my want to hang out with anyone. I became paranoid that it would slip out somehow that I was carrying this disease and I would lose most of my friends. Along with this, my ex had been asking me for months to date him again and I said yes like an idiot. All because I felt alone, scared and just wanted to be wanted.

Of course I warned him about what I had but he wasnt bothered by it. Instead he has stuck with me through this and has done alot to help me realize I'm not disgusting.  The problem here is he has been saying he loves me but I dont feel the same as him. I do like him and I'm so happy he's gotten therapy same as me for his behavior but I just havent felt happy or love or anything for this past year.

It's like I'm a ghost floating along through life just being numb. I don't want to believe I'm using him for affection but the more I think on it the more it seems likely.  My depression has barely gotten better and I feel so helpless right now.